Stupid Rag Doll

-yawns- Yes I'm at home. Gave the stupid trip a miss. MC later. Knn almost 40 degrees and throat hurts like hell. How to go like that?! Plus I realised I haven't really eaten anything since almost 2 days ago. All I had was 2 pieces of chicken on both days at Queky's. Strangely enough, I don't feel hungry but my gastric is somewhat protesting.

I'm up at this ungodly hour because she gave me a call telling me I'm a stupid bitch after she read my blog. Perfect. I expected that anyway. Nothing surprising really because I knew that's how she would react. Plus, stupid bitch is already very civil compared to the time she called me a prostitute when I wore a skirt when I'm wasn't supposed to.

I blogged the truth and nothing but the truth. Were you still expecting me to mope around like I did for the past week? I'm done with that seriously. If you thought through your own actions and what you said, this would not have happened but it already did so what the fuck right. And as usual. You can say all the mean things in the world and I can't just say a single thing, not even a peep. Enough is enough. I've had it. I'm done with crying, done with moping, done with you.

Okay. I ran out of things to say. Like I said in the previous entry, I'm just speechless. Congratulations on screwing up, screwing up my life and to your new love. Cheers. This is nonsense, serious nonsense.

The flu medicine I managed to find is kicking in. Feeling really drowsy. Time to head back to bed and to wake up later for MC and to bank my cheque in. Goodnight and goodbye.

---

Maroon 5 - Rag Doll

How ya feelin?
The day has had its way with both of us
And no, Ive gone out of my way
But I'm not free
From this pain Im reelin
I was a fool to think some day you would come around
But no no no I'm not thinking that way
Cause now I see

You are not what you seem
You are a mystery to me
Sometimes I just wana scream

I think you should just go away cause
Theres no necessity for you to stay and
Next time you come around my way
Forget it baby your not comin in

Hows your day been?
Cause mine has taken strange and ugly turns
But no no no I feel better today
Cause Im off my knees

You are not what you seem
You are a mystery to me
Sometimes I just wana scream

I think you should just go away cause
Theres no necessity for you to stay and
Next time you come around my way
Forget it baby your not comin in

A heart made for a lot of sorrow
No you cant come back tomorrow
Shut my windows, lock my doors
Cause my heart won't be your rag doll anymore
Yeah....

---

*update: 1210 hours.

Bessy and I are having a very interesting msn conversation about gfs. Nonsense. I cannot believe I'm having this conversation with a ex from about 7 months ago. Its really funny but due to obvious reasons I cannot post the conversation up. I mentioned that we both are stupid and she insisted that we aren't stupid, they (ex gf, gf whatever the status is now) are.

Something stupid just popped into my head. We (Leong, Bessy, Quek and I) should go out like the good old days. Although this time around, everyone would be single (except Leong). Woohoo. Obviously Bessy and I used to be together for 2 years. I was with Quek for a year. Quek used to like Leong. Leong used to like Bessy. WAHAHAHAHA. Maybe now I should try being with Leong and Quek and Bessy can be together. -big grin-

That was nonsense of course. I'm just bored and can't get back to sleep though I'm really drowsy and sleepy. Stupid. Barely had 4 hours of sleep. I also just realised that I've been using the word Stupid a lot. Stupid.

ANYWAY, enough of nonsense already. Unlike me Bessy, the ball is in your court now. Whether you choose to give it another shot or to walk away from the game, its up to you. But remember, once the decision is made, it will be too late for regrets. At least you have a choice. I wish I had a say too.

Wishes just never come true.

"I hate it that I still miss you."

How Could You

The last entry was posted at Quek's and it wasn't out of anger. I just couldn't stay home alone, in fear of my thoughts leading me to unwanted actions. Headed straight to Quek's right after everything. I left in such a huff that I even forgot to wear my watch, ring and beads. Things that you'll never see me without.

Seriously I'm physically and mentally drained out. Work on Saturday morning left me with serious muscle aches at my thighs that I even walk weirdly now. Plus the fucking bruise still hurts when I walk.

I finally had a good night's sleep at Quek's. I reckon its due to all the crying and lack of sleep the past week that knocked me out for a good 12 hours. Am currently running a temperature with my nose leaking like a tap and my throat all sore. Feel like some near death lifeless kitten.

Doesn't help that there's the dreaded educational trip later at a ungodly hour of 0900. Anything before noon and after 0500 is ungodly to me. If only I'm on my way to the airport with the rest to Dubai now. This trip could have done me some good. Beats being left all alone in Singapore without my Zoukettes.

But my dearest Leong and Quek has promised to club with me (if I decide to) on Wednesday even though NUS has exams for Leong to study for and Quek's COOKIE won't be there. Woohoo, hello Chinablack and Zouk then Leong's house for drunk monopoly.

Thank you Quek for the hugs and the scoldings. Thank you Leong for always being there for me. Thank you Marilyn for the chat on the phone. Thank you Ryl for constantly checking on me. Thank you Maye for taking time to message me even when you're knackered from work. I LOVE YOU ALL DEEP DEEP. Lol.

I should have woken up from this nightmare a long time ago. When everyone was constantly telling me I deserve better and the fact that I can do better than --------- (Something Bessy mentioned to Leong. Sorry, private joke.). Which was nothing but the truth. I deserve better. Because I've never been treated like this in my life. Maybe because I'm spoilt by my mum, Quek and others.

Love is sibeh blind ah but sex isn't because it tells you how your relationship is. It does. I've come to a point where I'm just plain speechless. Even vulgarities are too good for you.

"I'm on clearance sale. Anyone?"

Hung Up

Gave Zouk a missed even though its "We Love House" tonight, Queky's there and I didn't have to spend a single cent. I still cannot believed I gave Zouk a miss. Kind of proud of myself because since when did I ever give clubbing a miss?! Reckon I'm going to give Zouk a miss again later even though I promised Marilyn I would go with her. Probably going to get hell from her but I'm just in no mood to leave the house, much less club.

Deleted my previous angsty entry. I guess I just broke down after having a much needed talk with the best friend. Thank you dear for trying to get me out even though it was for clubbing. In fact, its the first time you're encouraging me to club. Haha. Love you Quekypoo.

I don't usually admit that I'm wrong but this time round everyone else is right except me. I need to get out of the house. Cooping myself up in the house is going to do more harm than benefit. Start going to school, getting back on track with lessons, doing what I do best, club like there's no tomorrow.

Okay I was kidding about the last part. Honestly, I've grown pretty bored with clubbing. Its always the same old crowd, same old music, same old after smell, same old nonsense. Although I wouldn't mind a ladies night at Momo or China Black. Alcohol and cigarettes are my buddies for now, when haven't they been anyway. Seriously, mambo is just a whole chunk of memories, same goes for China Black. Aiya, everything including the whole of Bedok Reservoir. Sorry, sidetracked a little.

Bloody Chan Bros has yet to pay me yet. Its already the 19th! Monday there's the educational trip and I haven't bloody paid. HOW? The money obviously would not miraculously appear in my account balance on Monday. I'm so screwed. So much for telling me they would bank it in by the end of this week. Knn.

At least I'm working in about 3 hours time. So I'll have money for a proper meal, cigarettes and transport for a day or two. I hope I'll survive until 1400 without any sleep but its nothing that I've never done so I know I will.

Thinking of going for mass later in the evening but Queky's busy with recee. I'm also planning to watch Harry Potter. Know what? Maybe I'll just go alone, if I manage to muster the courage to go out alone. Okay, I won't. I just remembered the last time I went out alone depressed, I ended up crying and walking the streets of Orchard.

I guess everything is going back on track bit by bit. It maybe a little slow but at least something's moving. Quek pretty much knocked some sense into my hollow head. Telling me that it's not worth it, what's the point blah blah. I guess I just need someone who dares to really scold me. Any takers? Because other than my family the only 2 people who actually dare to scream at me would be Marilyn and ironically her. -frowns-

Quek's pretty disappointed that I ended up like that. I guess most people are. Like the previous 2 screw ups, the last person you would think of would be me. I've never had such bad withdrawal symtoms from a relationship. My enemies must be saying, "KARMA bitch. Karma found its way to you this time." But has it occurred to anyone that maybe I'm just tired of pretending to be strong? Or maybe this is really who I am deep down. I'm no hard hearted bitch that I seem to be, in fact, I'm just like every single one of you.

With Christmas coming in about a month, it also signifies the end of the year. Year 2005, this would be one year that I'll always remember. Which reminds me, I'm going to end up spending Christmas alone. After so many years, this would be my first Christmas alone. No pretty presents, no kisses under the mistletoe. So much so I know what's on my wishlist already this year. Just 1 simple wish, I don't ask for anything else.

To Queky, Leong, Ryl, Marilyn, Maye and those who showed me concern in any way. Whether is was smses, trying to get me out of the house, clubbing, advice or anything. Thank you for everything. I'll be fine. I just need a little more time. Love you all. (:

To You. This time around, the story of the boy who cried wolf has finally come to an end. Up till this very day, I do not know whether you meant it when you told me that you didn't love me anymore. To make things easier for myself, I choose to believe that you did, since you made everything so clearly in our last conversation. Although something deep down inside tells me you didn't, then again I could be in denial like I've always been. Now I'm finally facing reality like it is and obviously it isn't easy but I would like to thank you for everything. The smiles, laughter, scoldings, hugs, kisses, tears and everything alike. You have truly taught me a lot in the short (almost) 4 months. I know it wasn't an easy decision for you and neither was it an easy for me to come to terms with it. I just do hope that you made the right decision for the both of us because I obviously think otherwise. Whatever it is, I respect your decision. So do me a favour, meet me by the end of next week so we can clear our belongings and put a final closure to it. For now, good luck and thank you. I love you.

"I'm done with crying, but I don't know how to stop"

Eeyore

I'm sure everyone knows Eeyore the donkey from Winnie the Pooh and Friends. That lil blue donkey with a kite string for a tail. Moping all day long all because of his tail, going: "Oh no~".

I've been feeling like Eeyore the past few days and I'm sick and tired of moping about. Seriously sick and tired of it. I've lost interest in school, friends and what nonsense you can think of. To be honest, I didn't turn up for a single tutorial this week. Went for one measly lecture and that was it. I know I'm going to be killed by a lot of people by making this confession but I don't really care anymore.

Clubbing isn't helping much either. All the alcohol and couples just makes me barf and feel worse. Then again, I didn't want to go. Marilyn, Ryl, Jerms and I don't know who else were begging me like hell especially my 2 girls because it would be their last mambo till school ends.

Mambo-ing was just bleah. I was just totally not in the mood at all. Came home to reveal a disgusting looking fist sized bruise on my right thigh. All for a $2 note I saw laying about on the dance floor while I was up on the podium. No, I did not fight with anyone. Almost did, but I didn't. Drunkards are just such a public nuisance seriously.

Project meeting at noon tomorrow. Seriously I just want to stay home in my bed for the rest of the week but I will not. I think I've had about enough being like some zombie grieving about death when its already dead for nothing or rather for something that will never happen or even someone who doesn't give a flying shit whether I'm dead or alive.

Seriously, I just refuse to leave my house because every fucking thing I see, hear or even smell reminds me of her in one way or another. Mambo (because we were supposed to mambo next week and especially the damn music), my bloody bus stop, the table and chairs at my void deck, stray cats (I don't know why but I think it has to do with Bobby), Next menthol cigarettes, Tampines Mall, Harry Potter (Now there's no one to watch with me) and the list just doesn't fucking end.

Believe it or not I have yet to unpack from my Batam trip. I just refuse to. Everything is just in my Ripcurl duffel bag lying on my room floor. I want to get over it and move on but I don't really know where to start. I know its over and there's no chance of it coming back, I just need some time and I'll be fine or at least I think so.

"Rid me of your scars"

Craig David - Don't Love You No More (I'm Sorry)

For all the years that I've known you baby
I can't figure out the reason why lately
you've been acting so cold (didn't you say)
if there's a problem we should work it out
so why you giving me the cold shoulder now
like you don't want to talk to me girl (tell me)
okay I know I was late again
I made you mad and dinners thrown in (the bin)
but why you making this thing drag on so long (I wanna know)
I'm sick and tired of this silly game
don't think that I'm the only one here to blame
it's not me who's been going round slamming doors

That's when you turned and said to me
I don't care babe who's right or wrong
I just don't love you no more

Rain outside my window pouring down
what now, you're gone, my fault, I'm sorry
feeling like a fool cos I let you down
now it's too late to turn it around
I'm sorry for the tears I've made you cry
I guess this time it really is goodbye
you made it clear when you said
I just don't love you no more

I know that I've made a few mistakes
but never thought things would turn out this way
doesn't make sense to me now that you're gone (I see it all so clearly)
me at the door with you in a state
giving my reasons but as you look away
I can see a tear roll down your face

That's when you turned and said to me
I don't care babe who's right or wrong
I just don't love you no more

Those simple words hit so hard
they turned my whole world upside down
girl you caught me completely off guard
on that night you said to me
I just don't love you no more

Like It Used To Be

Okay. I think I've had it with staring at the screen for the past hour when all I could do was feel the trickle of tears down my face. I'm gonna take a walk downstairs and continue with this later.

---

*update: 1709 hours.
Went downstairs to stock up on the much needed instant noodles. Which reminds me, I haven't eaten anything for the day. Oh well, shall wait till the hunger pangs strike.

I weighed myself yesterday. Woohooo. Lost another 2 kgs in about 2 weeks. How do I do it? Like Leong says, depression's the word baby. At this rate I'm going, its going to be druggie look alike Andrea soon. I will skin the next person who complains that I'm too skinny. I think I'm just fine. Nonsense.

Projects have been piling up like a mountain. 2nd week and already 3 submissions. At least I can take a break and focus on my individual reports when everyone's gone for the educational trip. I don't know if its just me or the stress is already getting to me. Fuck, its like week 2 and I'm going to explode. I do not want to imagine the week after next week.

I guess its always easier to tell others what to do but when it comes to doing it yourself, you can't. Like I used to tell Leong, you deserve better than xxx, stop reading her blog and other explicit details I will not reveal in case the great lawyer decides to sue me. I think back about the things I said but now, I can't bring myself to practice what I preach.

Then when you need that particular someone to just listen to you, to lean on her and cry like there's no tomorrow, she's not there. Friends come and go, that I know very well. We're all adults or almost adults now, everyone has their own problems and own lives to live. So you know what, when you decide you're free enough for me and my sob stories, drop me a message.

The age gap. It's just a bunch of fucked up numbers of reality. We talked about it right from the start but it never seemed to work out the way we planned for it to be. Then again, nothing ever goes the way you want it.

Everytime my phone rings, I dread looking at the screen. Then again, its always my 2 girls (Marilyn and Cheryl) asking where I am, project mates or my dearest mother (Somehow, I think she knows that something is wrong).

Of course something is wrong you idiot (I'm scolding myself). Locking myself at home, taking ages to reply messages, not answering phone calls. Believe it or not, I even skipped my appointment with the psychiatrist. The last thing I need now is to talk to a shrink who has based everything on that one incident.

Next week is going to be worst. With everyone at Dubai and Leong busy with exams. I don't know how I'm going to pass time. Now I wished they hadn't cancelled lessons at least I would have something to do in the day.

I just don't understand why things turned out this way. I don't understand why you can't see it the way I do. I don't understand what's even going on anymore. Maybe I just don't want to understand it all because I'm a naive delinquent.

"Can you love me like it used to be?"

Something Stupid

I've never felt more stupid in my life, seriously. I ignored all the signs, ignored my gut feeling (which has never failed me), ignored all the advice given by friends and continued on being stupid.

Now its finally over. I'm glad to a certain extent that it is over at least. I can stop keeping everything to myself and be who I really am, do what I really want and say what I really want. Stop getting paranoid and being paranoid for that matter.

Somehow there still seems to be a glimmer of hope left. Maybe I'm just delusional. This is just like the boy who cried wolf. I don't know what to believe anymore.

"You and I walk beside each other day after day, but there's so much inside me, I never get to say"

Sun Kissed Bitten

Back from Batam this afternoon. The usual lazing about the hotel compound, sleeping and just relaxing.

Spent the Saturday morning tanning. From 0930 to 1530 and I'm mother fucking suffering right now. Back, shoulders and face hurt like hell. The mummy helped me to apply lotion and I almost fainted from the pain. Vision went blur and everything was just spinning.

Other than the horrible sun burn which all of us got (Stacy, Jen, The Gf and I), everything was good. Next time round, I want to go for the SPA! No more tanning for a very long time. -scared-

Bought a whole carton of maggi mee. Wanna how cheap please. 40 packets for 45,000 Rupiah. Which is about few cents per packet. Muahahaha. The stock will prolly last my family a month or two. -beams-

Thank you to the gf for taking me on this trip. ((:

"There's something I need to know"

Mambo Jambo

Woah~~ Square room~~~ Woah~~ Square room~~~

Wahahahaha. Okay. That's excessive mambo-ing. Shush. For the first time I stayed at Zouk for such a long time, normally I'm permanently parked at Phuture till closing. Shush. Like what the guys say, "Hapspening ah!". Next round of Mambo, I'm bringing the gf, Stacy and Jen. Then we can all go crazy. -laughs-

The night was good. Everything was good till about 0400. Drama unfolded. Shan't talk about it but those who were there would know. What's with boys and their testosterone? -shakes head- Headed for prata with Nel, James and Fan after that as I was starving. Hurhur.

It just occurred to me that the workload this semester is so heavy even though we only have 4 HTM modules. I reckon every project is FYP standard since we're already seniors. Then again, are those projects even considered as FYPs?

Will be doing the Sentosa Project 2 for Consultancy Project Management. Yay! Sentosa passes for us! So we can enter the island for free to do "research". Hurhur. Then again, its such a serious project, it would just mean more late nights on msn with Charlene and the other groupmates. -pulls hair-

Now its back to the individual proposal for CPM, noting down datelines and packing for tomorrow.

"I'm happy. Are you?; Paranoia"

Week 1 of Week 38

Week 1 of school has officially come to an end for me. -beams and hops around- Honestly, the timetable is pretty relaxed, hopefully allowing me more time to concentrate on the 4 modules excluding APEL3 (which is obviously a waste of our time). It was nice going back to campus. One thing I have concluded, I'm old already. Everytime Marilyn and I climb the steps, we'll end up stopping halfway and panting. Sheesh.

Seeing datelines after datelines got me a little stressed and worried about how I'm going to finish everything in time. For the first time I found the lecturers going a tad bit too fast for me to take down notes, side effect of not going to school for almost half a year.

Everything is going pretty well. Hopefully it stays that way. Tonight it's "Woah~~~ Square Rooms~~" and Friday to Batam! -double beam-

"Set adrift on memory bliss of you"

Karma

What goes around, comes around. This damn cliche phrase is probably a truth within itself that everyone experiences once in their lives. This year alone, I've screwed up so many times till I have lost count. Major screw up twice and trust me, twice is more than enough.

Let's see, I got fired from my previous internship company and almost got myself kicked out of school, attempted suicide, sleeping problems got worst, screwed up idea of relationships and clubbed like there was no tomorrow when I was single and the usual nonsense.

The last time I met Bessy, she mentioned that now she knows how it felt like to be in my shoes when I was with her, the silence torture. I told her I know how it felt like to be in her shoes, the "submissive". We laughed about karma.

We both love our respective partners very much although it took awhile getting used to switching "roles". At least that statement was made by me. I have always been the dominant half in the relationship with all my nonsensical demands. Now I'm not saying that Jacy has nonsensical demands but she is the fiercer one this time round.

My point is, KARMA. Okay no, that's part of my point but not the whole point. My point is, is love really everything? Truthfully, it isn't. Been there, done that so I know. If that is so, why am I finding so hard to let go?

Is it because I'm not the one who's giving up? Or is it because I know I've been the one screwing up? Or is it because I've fallen so hard this time without even realising it? Or is it because I haven't truly been myself for the past 7 months? Or is it because I can't handle that fact that I'm being dumped? Maybe, it's as simple as I've given so much, its a waste to let it go.

Whatever the reason may be, whatever the ending turns out to be, happiness is when you see your loved one happy. I will let go. When I'm able to handle that, I will.

"Everything means nothing if I ain't got you"

Oh Shut Up Already

ROAR. Yes, Andrea the Tigress roars. Okay, just pretend you didn't see the first line. Feeling a lil cranky and off my rockets now.

I want to complain. Okay I know I complain excessively but this needs to be complained. Not that I'm expecting anyone do anything about it. Now look here and concentrate.

Why are all my Tourism girls in the same class EXCEPT ME. What the fucking hell. I don't want to be alone. Ryl, Chy, Marilyn, Mel and Dele are all in the same class. AND I'M NOT WITH THEM. I don't want to end up having fucked up project mates that give me panic attacks in the middle of the night or having to edit atrocious work all through the night. I WANT MY GIRLS. Hopefully there would be a smoking kaki at least. Ling, Jasmine, Kailing or Jaja. If not, I'm really dead.

Okay done. Now, to make this easy, if your tutorial group for APEL3 is T20 please leave me a damn comment and give me some motivation to attend lectures and tutorials because I half want to stay home when I think about the lecturers and the possible "will make me puke blood till I die" classmates.

"Mumble, grumble"

Jitter Bugs

-pulls hair, nose, eyebrows, ears- Oh my god. I repeat, Oh My God. I am going to faint from an anxiety attack right now. Okay, I'm going to cut the dramatics and continue.

So anyway, 2 days ago I was chatting with Ah Fan and Sus on MSN. I don't know who but one of them mentioned something about a proposal being due on the 14th of this month. Something with relations to Consultancy Project Management. I brushed it off thinking it was the mini project for our SIP portfolio.

I just read Mel's blog and realised that its a whole separate project. The individual proposal is due on the 14th! Which is in 2 weeks time and also the day after I return from Batam! -panics- I still have yet to do closure e-Journal 6 and the mini project. Now this?!

Why is everything so last minute?! Bloody school. Timetable will only be out on the 4th. Which is 3 days before school reopens. Here last minute, there last minute. I'm sure the school would like more of us admitted into the hospital.

---

*update: 1451 hours.

My doubts about the individual proposal has just been cleared by Mr. Britney Spears, Jermaine. Thanks a million Jerms! I was just stressing myself out over nothing. I'm so nonsense.

I don't know what to do with you anymore. I really don't. I've tried and I'm still trying. But then again, there's no try in your dictionary.

Your intentions are good yes. What you've said in the past few days hurt, they hurt because its the truth. Everything seems like a mistake, every honest truth I tell you. I tell you that I don't want to Zouk due to money constraints, a whole load of chunk comes out.

You're telling me what you told me because you've been there and done that. But has it occurred to you that maybe sometimes people have to learn it the hard way? I don't want that to happen but some of it already has. I learnt it the hard way.

Every day is a learning process. Every relationship is a learning process. Whether the ending is sweet or bitter, thank you for all the lessons taught, thank you for the love and concern. Maybe a 19 year old just can't catch up with a 26 year old. Just maybe.

I'm not giving up. Not just yet. Unless you give up first.

---

*update: 1606 hours.

Everything's going to be all quiet again. Like it was 3 months ago. Or maybe just pure mayhem it was 3 months ago. Alcohol, laughs and friends. Either way, I'll have to choose my path and I'm going with the latter.

Its going to take awhile. At least school's back next week. More computer lab camp outs, snoozing in the canteens, smoke breaks at the reservoir and running for buses, screaming for Quek on the phone to get her ass over from Design to Business block, walking in late for lectures, refusing to climb the stairs and wait for the lift even when I'm late, yummy lunches at Mensa with the gang.

I will not cry, after today that is. Now, to town with the best friend.

"SWAY"

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Stability results were low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

Sheesh. Want to how accurate this test.

---

Met Leong in town earlier. Spinelli's, camera whores, cigarettes and heart to heart talks. ((:
Andrea joined us shortly, and no I am not talking about myself as a third person. Leong's friend, Andrea Ng joined us. Shortly after, the Quek came waddling along.

I've been thinking. There are certain things I need to fix, certain things to clear, certain things to say, before everything is too late. I've obviously not been myself and it finally dawned upon me why.

The last person that everyone thought would attempt suicide would be me. "Andrea's a strong girl, she'll be fine." Like I always say, I'm fine and always will be fine. LIES LIES LIES.

Because sometimes, keeping everything to yourself is better. Reduces the misunderstandings or perceptions people have about you. Since when did I care about people's perceptions right? It gets tiring after years of being misunderstood. It get weary and draggy, huge pain in the ass.

Then sometimes, no one can help because there are no answers. Then after 3 years, you finally lose it.

I'm sick of being nice, civil, polite and what have you but if I go back to my KC days, people deem me as mother fucking childish 19 year old. So what? Hang in there for another 3 years and break down then again? This time probably really making sure I end up dead.

Every single time I tell you I am fine, I am lying. For now, I'm not fine. So don't bother asking if I'm fine because I am not. There's your answer so now fuck off.

If anyone wants to thinks that I was stupid, you've never been so right. That I was irresponsible, selfish and immature, strike TOTO also not so accurate.

If anyone thinks I did it because to attract attention, I can't stop you from thinking what you want. You don't know what its like to be me and likewise I don't know what its like to be you. I had my reasons. Valid or invalid, they were MY reasons.

I'm tired. I drift in and out of sleep everyday. The insomnia has never been so bad. Head hurts, back hurts. Lifelessly wandering about. The only way is to cry myself till fatigue kicks in. Every single night.

I Fear

Waking up to the familiar sights, sounds and smells is always ever calming and soothing. The gf's bleary eyed look, sounds of either the radio or television and the smell of the adorable Bobby.

I fear waking up to an empty house. When either my brat sister is still out from partying the night before, when my mum and her boyfriend has gone to work. Walking around aimlessly the house, figuring what's going to happen for the rest of the day.

I used to enjoy the freedom I get when I'm alone. Blasting my music, smoking in the hall, walking around half dressed. Now, I'm just scared.

I fear losing the best friend; Queky, the gf; jacy, the 2 angels; Chy and Ryl, the glam queen; Marilyn; the nonsense clique in school; Jem, Shaun, Joseph, Brian, Trev, Jo, Becks, Keke; the brat sister; Amanda Panda; the naggy mother; Ah Mi; the cow shit; Leong, the other ex; Bessy.

I fear loneliness. Who doesn't? You must be a hermit if you don't and I'm sure you won't be reading this.

I fear Octopus and Lizards as well. -laughs-

"P.S. I Love You All"

When The Rainbow Never Appears

3 days and 2 nights. Sounds like some chalet or holiday. Yes, some kind of holiday it was at CGH. Food sucked, environment sucked, room mates sucked even more. I have no one to blame but myself, I signed up for the damn package.

The charcoal was plain gross, caused me to vomit non stop like the merlion on the first day. Dozed in and out of sleep due to the fatigue but in total I barely clocked 10 hours of sleep in 3 days. Drip was just a nuisance, made me crippled to the bed for the first day, not that I had any strength to get out anyway.

The ward mates were fine. Just mother fucking noisy in the night. The insomnia already kept me up, they decided to gang up and all make noise all at once at about 3am yesterday. I got fed up at 5am as I was really tired and had not even napped in the day so I requested for sleeping pills. The yellow lil thing worked wonders, I was dead to the world.

I would like to thank all who visited. Stacy, Jen, Faiz, Kak, Sel, Leong, Bess, Chy, Ryl, Marilyn, The Gf and Queky. Thank you all for taking time out of your busy schedules. I'm sorry for the mess I made. Love you all dearly.

To my mum - I'm sorry for what I did. It probably hit you the hardest. It pains me to see you so tired and worn out. I'm sorry. I love you.

To my sister - Bad example. Do not EVER attempt to follow or anything along those lines or I will skin you alive before you even attempt. I love you too. Study hard for O's. Hospitality and Tourism Management okay? -grins-

To The Gf - You and Marilyn are probably the only two that woke me up with the scoldings. I'm sorry for the pain and hurt I have caused. Thank you for not abandoning me when I need you the most. I love you.

To The Best Friend - Thank you my Quekypoo for visiting me everyday without fail. For teasing me about my unglam look (read: ugly hospital uniform, attached with the drip and messed up hair). I'm sorry I made you doubt your ability as a best friend. You've been the best best friend that no one can ever ask for. I love you too. -hugs-

To Myself - Andrea, you've been the biggest moron in the whole wide world thinking no one cared, no one loves. Even if the universe doesn't believe you, you didn't have to prove it to them this way. Even if no one cared and no one loved you, you should love yourself. I'm sorry to myself and to everyone who cared and love.

Ponstans and Paracetomols, not a good experience. The only thing I liked were the needles, sadistic but I like needles.

"Nobody's Home / Fall To Pieces"

Dark Clouds

Everything has been a whirlpool of sorts lately. I don't know why and I don't know what but something feels strangely amiss. Or rather, something bad seems to be creeping around my back, just waiting for the right time to scare the fuck out of me.

Insomnia's back since 2 nights ago and I'm not feeling really fantastic emotionally. Its either my insomnia making me depressed or the depression making me lose sleep. Any way, it's killing me silently like some sort of cancer.

If it's going to continue, I'm going to get my family doctor to prescribe me either some Prozac or some Valium. Either to cure that depression that strikes me every 2 months or that insomnia that strikes me every other 2 months respectively.

The nightly monsoon rains that we're getting here in Singapore ain't helping much. I just want to cuddle under my covers and fall into deep sleep but the damn lighting and thunder just won't let me (Yes I am scared okay).

Shall just try to focus on the database report (which I am very far behind) and finishing up the internship proper.

Maybe you can tell me what is wrong? Not you. Yes you.

"The sound of nature; wind howls and rain taps"

Burn

Fever two days in a row. I reckon like the gf says, I'm burnt out already.

I'm pretty screwed cause I am so far behind in my mini project. I reckon next week onwards, I'll be burning the midnight oil with my coffee, cigarettes and Microsoft.

10 more working days and I'm done. Meanwhile, back to the pills till it's finally over.

"Take my hand and walk me home"

Mindless

Random.

Medical Certificate; Flu Virus.

Temasek Polytechnic Library; 1700 - 1900 hours.

Now; Insomnia.

"I like popping pills"

Patience Is A Virtue

On site at Raffles City Convention Centre yesterday at 1400 hours. I don't know why they asked me to go down so early because there was basically nothing to do so early. After killing time by going downstairs to Ya Kun with Eileen and Diana and checking out the ballroom setup, we went up to the complimentary hotel room.

The view on the 34th floor was pretty spectacular. The girls started changing and doing their make up, I was pretty much done with my make up already so all I had to do was change. Sat at the balcony alone and did a little thinking.

Around 1700 hours, the guys came up to change so all the girls left. Walked about downstairs and even contemplated to go buy something to eat because I was starving and dinner only starts at 2000. At 1745, guests started streaming in for the cocktail reception and that was when my headache started. Reckoned it was because of the stress level and the massive amount of people that amounted to my headache.

By 2000 when all the guests and staff were seated, Martin and I were still running around (literally in my heels). Gobbled up my starter (which was rather delicious lobster with like sweet and sour sauce thingy) and continued running around doing head count.

After that, finally was able to sit down and eat proper. By that time the stress level was so high, I downed a total of 7 glasses of white wine in 3 hours. I guess cause I was stressed or something, the 7 glasses had zero effect on me. Dinner finally ended with the lucky draw (Knn, I would not even have minded the Jetstar airticket to BKK or HKG, much less the pair of Business class return tickets to Istanbul my boss won).

Mayhem continued after the dinner, settling the bills and what nonsense blah. Went back to the hotel room, changed and headed to the 70th floor for New Asia Bar. It was boring and a waste of my time but I had no choice. I was tired and suffering from a intense headache.

Downed my Chivas with Coke in 30 minutes and said I was really tired and left before they could shove another glass of Chivas at me. By that time it was almost 1am. They continued on to Bar None for more drinks. -shakes head- Older than me also got more stamina then I do. Maybe because they didn't have to help at the reception and run around during the dinner.

As of today, I officially have caught a cold or a flu because my head still hurts like mad, I feel extremely lethargic and my nose cannot stop leaking. I just feel like breaking down to cry. This corporate world is so not for a young girl like me. 2 more weeks Andrea, just 2 more weeks.

"When it all falls down, what are you to do?"

Don't Cha

Half the department is not in the office today as they are on site preparing for tonight's corporate dinner. That explains me surfing the internet, "sneaking out" to buy Wanton Mee for breakfast and blogging. Heh.

Setting up on Friday was quite an eye opener though half the time I was just sitting around waiting for suppliers to arrive. Met the gf and after that headed to Crystal Jade for dinner and continued to roam about Esplanade.

The travel fair on Saturday was pretty boring, just the usual redemption counter duties. So I ended up counting down the hours till I saw my darlings. (:

Finally left Suntec Convention Centre at 2230 hours, Martin gave me a lift to town then I met Quekypoo, Cow Shit Leong, Qian Hui (Don't know how to spell her name but she's one of Quek's ex-es. Like I'm not. Lol.) and my dearest Glam Queen Marilyn.

Saved money on cover as Marilyn signed me in but splurged twice the amount of cover charge on a jug of Whiskey Dry. The irony. So anyway, we were just lounging about the VIP area talking nonsense and drinking then we decided to head for the dance floor/podiums.

Then there were these 2 I seriously don't know what to call them. Okay, Fatty and friend hogging the platforms. They were like dancing non-stop on the platform for about an hour or so. I was basically impressed with their stamina and laughed with the rest at their "Mambo" dance moves.

They finally got off the platform when the glam queen aka Marilyn got fed up with their hogging and asked them "Is it my turn yet?" HAHAHAHA! Omg, it was hilarious. Even the gf laughed when I told her about it. -sniggers-

For the umpteen time, I am not Ah Lian okay. I just happen to like house (and a FEW techno) music, that does not make me Ah Lian. -glares at Quek-

Quek and Leong were waiting for Don't Cha by Pussycat Dolls for some what reasons. When the song finally came, it was sooooo long, I thought it would never end. HAHA. It was good though, managed to drag Quek on the platform. Hurhur.

So the party poopers, Quek, Leong and Quek's ex left around 0215. Leaving me with Marilyn dancing away on the platform. -wriggles butt- I finally left at 0300, met Quek at the bus stop and 65M-ed back to the gf's place. Met the gf at the bus stop for prata, headed back to her place and concussed. Spent the whole Sunday sleeping in. Perfect weather. (:

Heading down to Westin at 1400. Darn corporate dinner.

Queky - You confirmed going to Zouk next Friday? I wanna go too! But I can't. No more clubbing for me till internship ends. Had fun with you. See you SOON okay? And I mean SOON! Love you!

Leong - Hey darling. Technically the last time we clubbed together was almost a year ago. Had fun with you as well. Give me a call anytime you need me okay? Love you loads. Meet up soon. -hugs-

Marilyn - Don't know if you would read this but I miss you terribly already! Just 2 more weeks till we're back on campus. I can't wait for our smoking sessions at the reservoir and by that time, we would be able to club with the rest properly and not worry about work the next day! Love you. Give me a call if you need to talk to someone okay? -hugs-

"What a beautiful smile"

Hustle For Me

I am so busy so this is going to be a short post. Blogging for a specific reason but before we get to that, let me just blog randomly.

Tomorrow or rather today (since its already 0100) is going to be one hell of a day for me. I will be in-charge of overseeing the moving process of all items to be brought to Suntec Convention Centre for the travel fair on Saturday and Sunday.

Seriously crazy. Why so? Because I will be the one and only one overseeing the whole thing and the one and only one to be at Suntec to guide the movers and set up the Marcoms "counter". -pulls hair-

I know it sounds menial and pretty easy but when the company is so big and they have so many departments and sub-departments, it is pure madness. Plus, I am going to be alone. -cries-

Plus the mini project is driving me nuts. I'm beginning to feel the stress of school projects again. Sadistically, I like it. - sadistic smile- It's obviously not helping that later in the day I will be so busy, Saturday I've got to be at the travel fair and Monday is the corporate dinner. Anyway, back to the specific reason to why I am blogging.

Attention all Temasek Polytechnic, School of Business Students. Who still has their Microsoft Access textbook used for Year 1's, Computer System Applications (CSA in short)? I need it badly for my project. So if you still have it, please leave me a comment or send me a sms if you know me personally (and you have my new number). I really need it urgently. Thanks.

"Breaking down inside, slowly"

The 24 Hours Of A Day

In a day, there are 24 hours.
In 24 hours, there are 1, 440 minutes.
In 1, 440 minutes, there are 86, 400 seconds.

Okay, I believe you get my point. Now, my other point is, the damn 86, 400 seconds/ 1, 400 minutes/ 24 hours is not sufficient!

See, an average human, spends about 8 hours a day sleeping, another 8 hours either at work or at school, that leaves us with another 8 hours. Say an average of 3 hours for communicating from one place to another and another 3 hours for meals and visiting the toilet to bath, poop, pee and what other nature calls one has to answer. Kapoop! There goes the 24 hours. (At least that is my perspective of an average Singaporean)

As kiasu and kiasee Singaporeans, parentals will send their children for all sorts of "enrichment" classes; classical ballet, organ, classical piano, speech & drama, abacus, art, you name it, we've got it. Not forgetting to mention tuition classes to keep up with the ever "changing" education system in Singapore; english, math, science, general paper and even pre primary school.

I mean, if your child has no "talent" to study or play the piano means no "talent" okay? No matter how many other "enrichment" classes you send the poor child to, he/she will not improve (except for miraculous cases). So spare the poor kid from the mental stress and let him/her enjoy his/her childhood like our parents used to; prancing around the kampong playing hopscotch or what games.

The Gahmen everyday other day encouraging people to get married and for the women to get pregnant. Extra baby bonus, more maternity leave yada yada. First things first, working adults have no time to have sex. Okay, maybe not no time, but no energy! Day in, day out work work work our butts off.

So what if the Gahmen has already implemented a 5 day work week? Most local (ching chong) SMEs make sure they work their employees till 44 hours gao gao and pay them 44 hours on the dot. Work work work, where got strength and energy to have sex?! No sex, how to have babies?!

After work, have dinner, rest awhile watching tv then go sleep already. If not, bickering with their spouses due to stress faced at work, quarrel and fight then divorce. No babies again. The high living standards of Singapore does not make things better. It takes a lot of money, time and mental health to bring up one kid (everyone has been a child, I'm sure you know what I mean by mental health), who so free? Daddy and Mummy both working, mana wu xi gan?

I realised I have digressed a lot from what I was initially planning to blog about. It is not about making babies, it is about the insufficient 24 hours for a fast paced society like Singapore.

Even as an intern, I am feeling the "Wake up, go to work, go home and sleep" cycle of a working adult. I miss time spent with my best friend terribly, I miss my girls in school, I miss towning blah blah. Even when the gf and I meet for dinner, its always around our place; Tampines, Bedok or Eunos. Both knackered from the 8 hours at work, the consistent headaches and the stress.

Which explains the lack of blogging, not to even mention going online to chat on mIRC or MSN. With 3 weeks left to the end of internship, I am really running out of time. I am still waiting for Ms. Tan's approval to my Mini Project proposal before I propose it to my manager. Then there's the whole portfolio to do and the nonsensical environmental thing to include in it. Siao liao la.

Been so busy that it totally slipped my mind. This Saturday and Sunday there's the Chan Brother's Travel Fair, Monday, the corporate dinner, then Travel Roadshows (mini travel fair) all over Singapore everyweek. Tell me how?! -pulls hair-

"So much love, so little time"

Clarity

And its Friday again. -beams and hops around- I love Fridays. They signify the end of the week and the start of a new week. Next week onwards, it is just 4 more weeks of internship! -double beam-

I was this close to screwing up again. So close. I would like to thank the gf for freaking me out. Scary and a lil traumatizing wake up call but it worked. I remember the promises. (:

Been helping out with the invitation list for the corporate dinner. The next time when you receive an invitation (whether through snail mail or e-mail), please have the decency to R.S.V.P when you have been requested to do so. The people who organise such stuff go through hell to get your contacts to send you the mails. The least you could do is reply!

Anyway, half of the department is out for location recee thus I'm able to blog leisurely and relax for a bit before they come back and the madness starts all over again.

Bali, Macau, Dubai. Yours truly is staying in Singapore. Oh well. Doesn't matter, does it?

"The unspoken pride"

Like A Blade You Stain

My head hurts.
I hate you.

"So long not goodnight"

Batam

Okay, finally getting down to blogging about the trip.

Saturday, 24th September 2005:
Classroom session ended surprisingly early. So as per the gf's instructions, I took a bus to her place and met up with her there.

Cabbed to Habourfront Ferry Terminal, went through Singapore customs blah blah. The ferry ride was kinda nauseating I reckon cause it was all stuffy and warm. Finally reached Batam after 45 minutes, went through customs blah blah again.

When we first reached the terminal, the gf commented that it looked like Marina South. HAHA. Cracked some crazy jokes about being back in Singapore after one ferry trip nonsense then the gf suddenly pulled me away from the dustbin (was standing next to it smoking) because apparently a local decided to park right behind my bag. Call us paranoid but I think its better to be paranoid sometimes. Got up the mini van with other fellow Singaporeans/Tourists and in less than 3 minutes we were at the resort. -.-

The resort was pretty good. Small and cosy yet not dingy looking. Checked into our SMOKING room. HAHA. Lounged about, explored the tv channels and went downstairs to look for food (It was already 3pm Singapore time and we both had nothing yet) and explore more.

Both ordered pasta which was too huge a portion for either of us to finish. The gf was pretty disappointed that the hotel did not offer any sort of local food, she want to try the local delicacies pretty badly. Went for a swim after that, collected our complimentary pizza, bought REALLY CHEAP ciggarettes and went back to sloth in our room.

After much slothing, we decided to continue exploring. Played billard, walked around the whole resort and heard music but when we approached it they were playing those what do you call it again? traditional malay music thingy so we went back to our room instead. I reckon both of us were pretty tired so we just sat at the balcony smoking and talking about stuff.

Sunday, 25th September 2005:
Comatosed about 2 or 3 am Singapore time (I keep getting confused with the 1 hour difference) woke up bright and early the next morning. Small hoo haa with the gf, after which went down for our complimentary breakfast. As usual, ugly Singaporeans always have to prove how ugly they are. Can't be bothered to even blog about them. Just disgustingly ugly.

10.30 Batam time, met our tour guide for the city tour. Started off pretty well, went to some bridge which apparently is a landmark of Batam. Took pretty nice pictures of the view blah. Things pretty much took a turn for the worst after that.

You see, I was like a suicide bomber. Digging my own grave and then jumping into it. I was in my pretty Guess hot shorts and apparently people there either never saw a pretty girl or never saw shorts in their lives. Was visually raped a gazillion times.

Went to this Mega Mall place. Apparently for the richer Batam people and boy can you see the difference. 90% of the housing there were illegal. Small huts, squatters, dirty looking children running around barefooted but laughing. My heart ached. The the huge mansions built on the hills. Vast difference.

There were even more dingy looking locals there. So much so we got fed up and parked ourselves at A&W and ate curly fries and drank rootbeer (deprived of A&W in Singapore). Finally it was time to go back to Singapore! Man have I never been more excited when I hear the word Singapore!

When we got back to Singapore land, I never felt more safe and normal. Given that most girls were decked out in shorts, tank tops and no one gave a damn.

There is only one word to describe how I felt during the city tour : Traumatised.

P.S: This is a pretty brief entry. Read the gf's for a more detailed account.

Not so good Sunday.

The Batam trip was fun for the first day. The second day was just bad from 1030 onwards. Shall blog proper about the details in my next entry.

Firstly, a big thank you to the gf for the trip. Glad I had you by my side or I would just have broken down from the trauma I suffered. We will go again minus the damn city tour. I love you Bobby much!

Pretty tired actually but I just had to blog. Came home showered and sat down to talk with my mum for awhile.

Ryl helped me to ballot for the Overseas Educational Trip to Bali cause I was unable to do so (I was in Batam remember?). Opted for Bali cause I do not have money at all to go to Bali even so just gave it a shot since it was the cheapest.

Then my mum said to go to Macau. She'll settle the money part. Honestly I was so touched. I feel really bad about going even. So considering about staying back in Singapore instead of going.

I'm so upset with this Overseas Trip that I want to start a petition for those who can't afford to go and still have to fork out money just to go. Fucking no subsidy what so ever. Since those can't afford, it also means we have used up our Edusave for school fees. So we can't even use Edusave. This trip is seriously fucked up.

Then my mum broke some news to me about my dad. Yes my parents have been divorced since I was 11 or 12 and I have not seen my dad ever since. No contact what so ever.

Apparently, she met some old family friend today and they told her that he now has a son. Apparently the boy is about 7/8 years old. Meaning, that fucked up mistress of his either got pregnant when my parents were filing for divorce or even before that. Seriously, I just want to kill all three of them.

Number 1, you beat up my mother.
Number 2, I am in this financial dire because of you.
Number 3, you never bothered to contact your own daughters.
Number 4, you lie to others that my mum prevents us from seeing you.
Number 5, where the fuck is the alimony, you have not contributed a fucking single cent ever since.
Number 6, you cheated my mum, hurt her both physically and emotionally, fuck some woman and drop your own family.

FUCKING SON OF A BITCH AND BASTARD ASSHOLE. KNNBCCBKL.

I just can't take this anymore. I just want to sleep. You are so not my father.

Anyone sharing my sentiments about the trip? Let me know and I will bloody start the petition.

"You deserve to go to hell and die"

Kissing A Fool

Dear Angel Number 3; Chy,

Happy Belated 19th Birthday darling girl.
Sorry I couldn't make it yesterday, hope you had fun anyhow. It's been a blast
knowing this blur klutz. Hopefully we'll be in the same class next semester.
Can't wait to see you this Saturday together with Angel Number 1; Ryl.

Much Love,
Angel Number 2; Drea.

---

1 hour to the end of work. 20 hours till I leave this red-speckled dot. -holiday mood- Once I check through the database I'm assigned to, I am done with all my work! -skips around the office-

Been helping to verify the company's corporate dinner guest list details. Phone calls and more phone calls. Calling China was disappointing. It made me realise how terrible my command of Mandarin is. I could vaguely make out what the other party was saying but when I had to write it down, I was at a total loss. Thankfully, my colleague saw my distress and helped me out.

Church and dinner after work with the gf and then I have to head home to pack for tomorrow and most importantly I need my beauty sleep. Was rushing my e-Journal 4 last night (or rather this morning) till 0200 hours. At least I have submitted it and I would be able to enjoy Batam fully without worrying about anything else.

Till I'm back from Batam~! ((:

"Covered me with kisses and lies."

Random Blabber

Yes, it's 0145 hours and I am still up. Almost 2 hours past my bedtime. Since when was my bedtime even 1200. Sheesh. I'm seriously morphing into some office aunty (When you bump into me on one of my those 'Cannot be bothered to dress' days, you'll see Aunty Andrea).

I'm mentally and physically drained out but I just can't seem to sleep. Problem lies with not knowing what the problem really is. You get the gist. It's just one of those crabby days I reckon. -mumble grumble-

Seen my pretty web bands on the top right hand corner yet? No? Look now. Pretty huh? -starts babbling to self- Okay, I think I'm feeling a lil mad at the moment so just bear with this.

I can't wait for Saturday. It's going to be a very exciting Saturday. Firstly, I'll get to see my girls! Chy, Ryl and Marilyn! -prances around- Secondly, I get to see everyone else. -prances around again. Then, it's to Batam for a weekend getaway with the gf! - prances around yet again-

I have a confession to make. I hate work. I know I'm not supposed to be complaining but I really hate work. Really really hate work. Sai kang and more sai kang. I really dread work. I'm just tahan-ing.

I think no one really knows how much I am trying to tell myself to not screw up again because I'm close to a mental breakdown. Although I'm just doing shit work, the stress of this internship is really getting to me. 6 more weeks to go. 5 for everyone else but an extra week for screwing up.

You know what. Just fuck it.

"Beneath the masquerade mask"

Mahjong Madness

It has been quite an eventful weekend. Let's do a brief re-cap.

Friday, 16th September:
- Went home for Tom Yam dinner.
- Left for the gf's place at around 2145.
- Watched 'Survivor' with the gf and brother.
- Played 'Scrabble' with the gf and lost to her again.

Saturday, 17th September:
- Woke up bright and early and headed to ICA to update my ancient passport photo.
- Had lunch around the area and bought lanterns.
- Went back to the gf's and sloth around.
- Met Jen and Stacy then headed to Holy Trinity for evening mass.
- Dinner at Century Square's Food Junction.
- Went over to Stacy's place.
- Put mahjong, Chivas Regal, white wine and 4 people, you get 4 giggly girls (Okay, maybe I was the only giggly one) heading to Hard Rock Cafe.
- Left Hard Rock Cafe around 0230 and had Ba Kut Teh at Balestier.
- Reached the gf's place around 0400 and we both comatosed.

Sunday, 18th September:
- Woke up to have brunch with the gf before her Practical 7.
- The gf decided not to go for her practical after not being able to get a cab.
- Went back to the gf's and took a short nap.
- Headed to Stacy's again for mahjong.
- Stopped playing around 2100 and went downstairs to play with lanterns and candles.
- Left around 2300 and went to Hougang Avenue 3 for Ba Chor Mee.
- By 0130, I comatosed on my bed.

I am so tired. Plus, I'm addicted to mahjong. Hands itchy please. All is good though, because we have already made plans for mahjong session again the following weekend.

This week is going to be such a busy week for me. Shall do up a list here.
- Finish up e-Journal 4.
- Clean my room.
- E-mail Holy Trinity's Secretariat with regards to RCIY or RCIA (Yes I want to be a Catholic.).
- Pack for Batam Trip.
- Consultancy Project Management briefing at 0915, Saturday 24th September.
- Overseas educational trip briefing at 1000, Saturday 24th September.
- Classroom Session II, Saturday 24th September.
- Be at Habourfront Centre at 1320 when classroom session ends at 1300 (Anyone has an airplane to lend?).

"Dreamlover come rescue me"

The Blogsphere

Blog, blogger, blogging. Today, these words have become so common that one sees them almost on a daily basis; either on the newspapers, internet, magazines. A couple of days ago, 2 Singaporeans got sued for making racists comments on their blogs (first case of its kind in the world). Is blogging here to stay like how sms is a part of almost everyone's lives or is it just a passing fad like bubble tea and luohan fishes?

The "art" of blogging was introduced to me by Tannia in 2003. I vaguely remember telling her at first that "Blogging is such a waste of time" but in the end, I gave it a try and now, I'm addicted.

Some people I know, find it a chore having to constantly update their blogs. While some just hate the idea of others reading about their lives or vice-versa.

But hey, blogging has diversified so much in a short time. We have political blogs, technology blogs, gossip blogs etc. Even the Cat Welfare Society of Singapore has a blog. Just about a month back, a group of girls who call themselves "Dolls Gone Wild" set up a blog to expose prowling men asking for sexual services on the IRC. Then there is Post Secret, where you can send in postcards with your deepest, darkest secrets and reveal them to the world while remaining anonymous.

Online communities like Tomorrow.Sg have been formed, giving local bloggers a platform to share interesting weblogs, comments, views and whatever they find interesting. Of course everything submitted is moderated by "celeb" bloggers like Xiaxue, Mr Brown, Miyagi etc.

I personally used to like reading Xiaxue's entries. They were blatant in a witty and humourous way. Now it is just some what boring and crude at times. She could have been sued as well for defaming our neighbouring country. I reckon the 2 guys were just plain 'suey' considering that there are many others who have probably spewed racist comments.

Soon there might be blogging "laws" given that the Singapore gahmen likes to be first in everything. So much for being able to write whatever you want because "This is my blog, screw off if you do not like what you are reading".

Then again, there are always anonymous cowards spamming nonsense when they don't like what they see. Seriously, they need to get a life, grow up and learn not to read what they don't like. Why get yourself all upset and worst, lower yourself by hurling all sorts of vulgarities at someone who was just speaking his/her mind and not leave your name.

Be With Me

Finally caught the much acclaimed Eric Khoo's Be With Me and I am glad I watched it. In total, there were 4 stories: The story of Jackie and Sam (teenage lesbian "couple"), the obese security guard and his dream girl (played by Lynn Poh), an old man's loss of his soulmate and the one story weaving all four stories into one, the true life story of Theresa Chan.

The arthouse film was truly intriguing, replacing conversational dialogues with SMS-es, instant messaging, love letters and Ms. Theresa Chan typing on a typewriter. It was literally like a silent movie, with total dialogues probably not more than 5 minutes.

Watch Be With Me, then will you realise "getting terminated from your internship company, being constantly broke but you still have a roof over your head, complaining of having no life" is nothing compared to what some others go through. Or rather, the courage and strength they gather from within to live life positively despite their disability.

Kudos to Eric Khoo and Ms. Theresa Chan. Thank you for reminding me that I whine and complain too much about almost every little thing.

"Searching for the lost soul within"

Oops I'm Gonna Walk All Over You

Before I start blogging about what I was planning to blog about. I just saw an announcement on OLE that sent me into panic and excited mode. Contradicting huh? HTM Seniors please pay attention (or go log into your own OLE account and get excited like I did or rather I still am)!

Dear Senior Year Students,

As part of the requirement for the core subject 'Hospitalty & Tourism
Seminars', an overseas educational trip will be organised to 3 destinations
namely Bali, Macau and Dubai on the 3rd week of Nov 05. The cost will be about
$1,100, $1,400 and $2,200 respectively (subject to changes).You are to select
one of these three destinations.

There will be an briefing session at LT 21 from 10.00am - 10.30am after
your briefing on the subject 'Consultancy Project Management' on the 24th
September 2005.

It is of utmost importance that you attend the briefing as the overseas educational trip is compulsory.

Thank you.

-screams- I want to go to Dubai! I want I want I want I want! Any other HTM people excited?! I AM! Okay, I have to calm down.

Firstly, I definitely will not be going to Dubai. Because it's a whopping $2200. I cannot even afford Bali ($1100) still go what Dubai. Everyone else will obviously get the parentals to pay for it and since it's an educational trip I know for a fact everyone will take the chance to go to Dubai. Like, it's Dubai you know.

Okay was side-tracking there a little. My point is, my parentals mum does not have that kind of money. Those who don't know me well may think I'm kidding but I am not. I guess it's either I get the money from my aunt or maybe it can be subsidised somehow. Time to e-mail Ms. Ivy Tan.

"Words are only words, can you show me how you feel."

Oh Boy Am I Pissed

You can't even hold a decent conversation with me without getting distracted by someone else. Whether it is on the phone or through sms (much less face to face). When I arrange to meet you for dinner, you forget all about it and make your own plans. Then when you realised that it was your mistake, you squeeze in time for me and tell me we can meet. 1 hour later when I message you to confirm the time and location, you tell me you're going to have your dinner now cause you haven't eaten the whole day.

I am sick and tired of being the one making the effort to arrange a meeting. You have tested my limits time and time again. This time, I think you have crossed the line. You're the one having the school holidays but it seems like your social calender is so packed that you can't even squeeze in a dinner appoinment with me.

I know you are going to be upset when you see this. I am sorry but please remember I am human too. I am even more upset with you. Fuck it. Whatever.

"Tell me what this friendship is worth."

Block 535

Everytime I look out of the office window, I see this block of HDB flats, namely block 535. Yes boredom has got the better of me and I'm blogging nonsense to kill time. Time check: 1646 hours. 1 hour and 14 minutes till I get out of the office.

I'm sick of data-entry. Seriously. Considering I used to be okay with it, this is just too much. I'm falling asleep as I am typing this cause I am so sick of Microsoft Excel. My stand still holds, Bill Gates should be shot for inventing Microsoft Office. I strongly suggest he invents some robot to do all these "sai kang". Okay, nonsense again. I'm feeling crabby so just bear with this or scram.

Seems like they do not need me to help out with NATAS, which I hope remains that way -crosses fingers- so I can sleep in during the weekends. I've been so deprived of my weekend sleep on my own bed with my own pillows, bolster and blanket. I'm sleeping in till the sun don't shine and I will make sure no one wakes me up unless someone has been admitted into the hospital or the house is on fire -choy-.

---

Rouge on Saturday with the gf and her friends. They were playing band music, you know the "my sister kind of music"(Read: Rock, Punk Rock, Emo kind). Which is fine by me as long as the bands sound good, boy were they terrible with a capital T. Okay, actually it is not fine when it's band all night till 0200. Bumped into Ms. C.S. Leong there. Nice seeing you again dear. Meet up for coffee or something together with Quek soon okay? Love. Take care.

Left for Cheeky Monkeys. The last time I was there was probably almost 2 years ago, which was when I first got drunk in my life. -scowls- The place is same old same old, plenty of non-chinese and alcohol cheap like don't know what.

---

I've heard so many nasty things or sometimes cold hard truths about myself. It doesn't matter if people of no significance call me a bitch, slut, snob or what have you. It hurts the most when someone whom you love (eg. your partner) says it to you especially when it's just an assumption. You know what? Then again, I might just be jolly well shameless.

"There is no truths in any of your lies."

Play Me Some Rock and Roll

I am at work. Yes, it's a Saturday afternoon and I am at work. -mumbles, grumbles and whines- It's such a typical Chinese family business where employees are still required to work on Saturdays. Even the "Gahmen" is encouraging five day work week. It's time to change your policies and move on with the times. Okay I better shut my pie-hole up before I get sued or something.

Jack Daniel's Friends of Jack party last night at CHIJMES with the gf. It was okay I guess, honestly, pretty boring but free JD and finger food so nothing lost (Goodness, do I sound like the kiasu Singaporeans I spoke about in my previous entry).

Met darling Maye earlier to collect the invites from her. Thanks a million for the invites darling. It was good seeing you again. We must meet up soon okay? Talk to you soon. Love you!

Left around 2300 and headed to Cine to catch a movie. The Perfect Catch it was. It's your typical Drew Barrymore kind of movie, ditzy love comedy. After which, met the best friend which I haven't seen in donkey years (seriously donkey years). Eh you punk, we're meeting for dinner next week after I'm off work, my treat, your birthday present and your choice of the restaurant. I'm already so exploited over here till I lost my brain cells trying to think of what to get you for your birthday. Plus, we need to catch up on plenty of things. I haven't spoken to you in donkey years as well.

TP Designers' are already on their school vacation (eyes the best friend and rest of designers evilly). Life is so unfair.

"Hold me back"

The Old Best Friend

-ahem- Today, I proudly announce that my best friend of 5 years turns 20 years old. -chuckles-

Dearest Quekypoo,

Thank you for the continuous support, care, concern and understanding for the past 5 years. You've been the most wonderful best friend and -ahem- ex-gf that anyone could ever have. This friendship has been through both its good times and bad times. Thank you for being there to share my happiness, to lend a listening ear at 0300 hours in the morning and to drop everything to meet me when I need you. I hope you have "enjoyed" the past 5 years of friendship as much as I have.

Today, you turn 20. HAHA. No more a teen. Then again, its my turn next year. -mumbles- So anyway, it's time to grow up already you lil kiddo. I'm always here for you and will support your decisions (even though when I know it's a wrong decision) no matter what. I love you Quekypoo!

Happy 20th Birthday!

Epitome of Kiasu-ism

Yesterday was the Chan Brother's 40th Anniversary Fabulous Travel Fair II. Though I was not obliged to work, I "volunteered" my services anyhow. Firstly it was not as if I wasn't getting paid, secondly, I thought it would be quite an interesting experience (which was) and thirdly, I would have more things to say in my next e-Journal.

On a beautiful Sunday morning when I should be sleeping soundly like "The Princess and the Pea", I grudgingly woke up at 0715 and dragged myself to Suntec Convention Centre. Okay, I'm digressing and telling some long grandmother story.

So anyway, the fair started at 1000 and when I got there at 0900, there was already a small stream of people wandering outside the exhibition hall. Finally, the doors were opened to the public and there was a mad rush of people. Seriously, they all take their queue numbers outside the exhibition hall, so does it really matter if you're the first one inside the hall?! That was just the beginning.

I was stationed at the Redemption Counter with the rest of the Marcoms department in charge of checking the number of free gifts the customers were entitled to. There were goodie bags for the first 1000 bookings made and also free Burger King breakfast for bookings made from 1000 to 1140.

Of course there were people who bugged us for the Burger King breakfast even till the evening, those who were asking why there weren't anymore goodie bags. Hello?! Cause they have been fully redeemed! Then those who kept asking if there was anything they could redeem even if they didn't make any bookings. -.-

The terror of them all? Those who couldn't redeem anything because they didn't make any bookings, asking for plastic bags and packets of tissue paper and then walking off with glee. I wanted to slap their faces!

There is actually a lot more to tell but I just don't know how to put them into words. Or rather I'm just too tired. Bottom line, the kiasu-ism of Singaporeans is fucking disgusting and it puts me to shame to call myself a Singaporean when I think of the kiasu lot.

"Ironically, its you"

Spinning Around

My head still hurts and my throat is still sore. Its been one full week of sore throat and headaches. Even Ponstans and Lozenges aren't helping. *whines.

It has also been 1 week since I got fired. Yes yes, I got fired from my previous internship company. Not going into details but I un-officially failed my internship and un-officially got kicked out of school. But, don't worry. Everything is back on track. 2nd chance given and I'll be with Chan Brothers from tomorrow till the first week of November. Which reminds me I better go to church and give thanks this Sunday or something.

I was so stoned the day I got fired. Mind was blank and I just couldn't think. Head hurt like crap and what nonsense. What I remember vividly would be crying the whole day.

Met the gf at Good Shephard Cathedral for mass after spending my final 8 hours of work crying. It was Day of Assumption if I didn't recall wrongly. Mass was good, brought back many memories of the good old KC days when we had mass in the squeezy hall, which eventually made me tear.

The day after I was basically in a daze, walking around the house like some zombie. Wednesday came and I headed to Chinablack with Ryl, Marilyn and Quek. Yeah, you must be thinking "still got the mood to club huh". I just needed to get out of the house and some alcohol.

Met our HTM Course Manager, Ms. Choi together with Ms. Ivy Tan and of course my mother. Again, I couldn't stop crying. I literally spent the whole of last week crying. Maybe that explains the persistant headache. Or maybe I've got some tumour of sorts in my brain. Yes I'm a cynical bitch, so slap me.

Actually, I'm back on campus now. As in I'm typing this in Lab 6. Haha. The lab smells the same (there's this TP Business school lab smell) and it is still freezing cold. A couple of HTM freshies had me do a survey for them. I swear the survey is atrocious. Who am I to criticise their command of the language when I'm all incoherent and what not but they can't even number their survey in running order. *slaps forehead.

I'm getting an even bigger headache thinking of what to write in e-Journal 3. What? I screwed up so yay. Fuck shitters. Which reminds me I better get down to it or I'll be stuck here till 2200.

So anyway, I'm fine. Just trying pick up the broken pieces and fix it back. Handphone line and internet connection got cut so don't bother to contact me till prolly next month when my mum pays the bills. If you have to get in touch with me urgently, ask my best friend. If you don't know who my best friend is, then I suggest you don't even bother cause I'm sure its nothing important.

p.s. this entry is incoherent and I can't even be bothered to check for grammatical mistakes and what not. so please excuse yourself.

"Like a broken porcelain doll"

When All Falls Down

Have you ever screwed up so badly that you feel like murdering yourself? Do you blame yourself? Or do you blame your destiny?

Never in my life have I screwed up so badly. Not once. I've always been the daughter that my family doesn't need to worried about, education wise. I'm no honors student, nor do I score distinctions but I do relatively well enough to pass and get into a proper decent course like Tourism.

I saw this coming but was obviously living in denial. The truth hurts. Everything seems so meaningless now. As much as I used to complain about school, the projects, exams, internship and what other nonsense, I wish I can call myself a student again.

De-registered and failed. How I detest the sight of these two words.

I'll miss the campus. I'll miss my 3 girls, Chy, Ryl and Marilyn. I'll miss the gang, Shaun, Joseph, Kerrie, Jem, Trev, Jo, Ron and Becks. I'll miss Miss Tan. I'll miss the computer labs. I'll miss the bookshop. I'll miss Quek's visits. I'll miss smoking at the reservoir. I'll miss running to tutorials cause I'm late. I'll miss everything about school.

I feel so incoherent. Nothing seems to make sense. My head hurts.

Ridiculous

I officially declare I hate National Day. Seriously. So I'm not patriotic but honestly I do love Singapore. Its the "gahmen" that is screwed at times and our all so "perfect" traffic system.

Before I start ranting and raving like a mad woman, I'm actually at the best friend's, "happily" typing on her all so beautiful and I've been wanting to steal home like since forever Powerbook G4.

So when you just purely decide to head to your best friend's for a heart to heart chat from Tampines Interchange, you end up 1 hour late. See, Quek stay in Tampines. It took me fucking 1 and a half hours from Tampines Interchange to her place. Technically, the bus ride is only 5 mins. Even if I decided to stroll to her place, it would take me at most 30 mins.

See what happens when they decide to de-tour the bus and I get fucking stucked in a jam from Tampines Interchange to Tampines (near the mosque, which is like prolly 5 mins walk). KNN. I'm boiling like mad.

I was in a urgent need to answer nature's call and I was already stuck on the bus for 1 hour. Finally, I decided to get off and walk. Eventually, I needed to pee so bad, I went to the petrol station's toilet then continued on with half the journey left to walk.

WAH LAU EH. I WANTED TO CRY PLEASE. It was a fucking ridiciously disgusting long journey. *SCREAMS. And all because of the blinking National Day at the heartlands. Oh please.

Everything today seems so god damned ridiculous. Seriously. So screw you.

"What you don't know won't hurt you"

Wake me up when September ends

*yawns. Its 0630 hours and I'm typing away on Yihan's PC while 3 little pigs (namely: Yihan, Josh and Quek) are snoozing in the background.

Plans were for Hideout at Circular Road but it was strangely close. So Zouk was it with the Designers (Quek, Rachel, Yihan, Jon, Josh, Merv, C.J. etc). Fun fun fun. Its been forever since I've clubbed with the best friend.

After which, we "planned" to play mahjong at Yihan's place. Well, I decided to take a shower first, by the time I got back to the room. The three little pigs were snoozing already. *scowls. Cheat my feelings only. I wanna play mahjong! *mumbles.

---

Chinablack last Saturday with the gf and 2 darlings, Marilyn and Ryl. It was okay I reckon. Music was rather crappy or rather I wasn't in the mood. No idea. It was nice to club with the 2 darlings after like forever though. ((:

Plans for Momo with The HTM gang this Friday apparently. Argh. Doubt I will go, low on cash already. And yes, its not even mid-month. Someone save me. Unless Marilyn can sign me in and someone can send me home. Hurhur.

How about, someone stop me from spending so much. Or rather, stop me from clubbing. Or whatever nonsense. Yes I'm blabbering. Guess what I'm listening to Landy and Jay Chou "Wu Ding". Yes faint now. Its not my fault that Yihan's iTunes is filled with Chinese music, namely Jay Chou. *blabber blabber.

---

I hate decision making. Every little decision you make affects your life or future drastically or significantly. Sometimes the more you think about it, the harder it is to make the decision.

Some use their head while others use their heart. I use more of my head, I rarely follow my heart. So what happens when the head is heavy and the heart is weary? Close your eyes and pretend everything will be alright after awhile? If only things work that way.

I wish your face would stop reappearing in my head. Its not making things any easier for me. I'm tired. So tired of everything.

"The innocent can never last"

Bitter, Sweet and Hurt

Its finally a Thursday. When you're work in a office environment, every Monday, you look forward to a Wednesday. Then every Wednesday, you look forward to Friday. On Sunday, you dread Monday. Its a viscous cycle. At least back when I was back on campus, it didn't really matter that much. Now, I am constantly checking the calendar next to me and looking at my watch.

Made an improptu decision to go clubbing last night at around 2000 hours. Started calling all the regular clubbers and because there's school, work and etc, everyone wasn't clubbing except the queen of them all, my glam queen, Marilyn.

Chinablack was it. Long time since I went for Chinablack Jade. Woot. Free flow, free entry, tell me what could go wrong. Plans were to leave at around 2300 plus. In the end, I left at 0200 and Marilyn at 0145.

Honestly, I had a pretty good time last night though it was just the 2 of us. Everything was so fine. All so fine. Then, I did something I never thought I would do in my life. What is it? Secret. Not going to say. Those who know, shut up please. Its utterly embarrassing.
Note: I was not drunk, neither did I have any sexual relations with anyone or anything.

So everything was fine and dandy till this morning. Woke up, rushed to the toilet and barfed. Before I left for work, barfed. When I got to Bedok MRT station, went to the toilet and barfed once again. I felt like I was suffering from morning sickness.

You see, that happens when you drink on a empty stomach. Who's to blame but myself. I drank quite a lot that I eventually lost count but thank goodness I wasn't high nor drunk.

Pretty zonked out at work. Haven't been doing much but day dreaming. Feel a little hang-overish. Which is not good cause I've got sales targets to meet. *scowls.

---

I'm a tad bit put off. Its just that you expect someone perfect. Then I'm sorry, I'm tired too. Tired of trying to perfect myself. Tired of not even given a second chance. Oh I better shut up before I start giving myself excuses for my mistakes.

"All we do is make up and break up"

The In Between

In life, we go through many in between phases/stages (whichever word you prefer to term it as). Often, its the in between times that are the hardest and yet most enriching of them all.

When you're between the ages of 18 and 21 (which makes it 19, 20 and 21), you're considered a young adult of sorts. Its the time where you have no choice but learn to grow up, act like a mature adult and handle situations like an adult.

Welcome to the real world. Most humans fear growing old, fear death, fear tough times. Its perfectly natural for one to fear but it boils down to how you handle that fear.

I hate growing up. If I could I would move to Nevernever land (Not M.J's Nevernever Land) stay young and innocent and have fun like Peter Pan and company do. Truth is, I can't. So why dream, procrastinate and complain, face the music.

It doesn't matter when you make mistakes. Learn from them and don't repeat the mistakes. Provided the fellow counterparts of the human race allows you a chance to learn from the mistakes. Some people don't believe in second chances but I do. Cause a second chance can make a world of a difference.

---

Enough of that nonsense. I'm still in the office and I'm tired. Mentally, physically and what have you. Whole body is just aching for god knows what reason.

Looking forward to seeing the best friend tomorrow after almost a month and my girls on Thursday. I have so much to say and so much to tell.

"Don't give up on me"

When Everything Means Nothing

You know there's something wrong when your mother asks if you're alright.
You know there's something wrong when you don't even know what is wrong.
Or maybe you do and you're just shutting it out, just like how you've shut everything else out.

Stop asking if I'm okay. I am not okay. There, I've admit it. Happy? Now scram.

"Like a glass elevator"

Say Ooh La La

*sniffs around blog. Woohoo. Haven't blogged for what? Almost 2 weeks. Record breaking. Firstly, there's nothing to blog about anymore. Secondly, I have no life, okay I do but there's nothing exciting enough to blog about. Thirdly, internet connection at home is down. Bah.

So let's see, Eski bar last Saturday. It was hell COLD but I had fun shivering or rather attempting to not shiver at -o.5 degrees with Janice. Hurhur.

Thursday was Butch Hunt Finals, Cre was the 1st Runner Up. *sob. Ohoh, so paiseh. Was puking in the toilet (no I wasn't drunk, I was not feeling well and down with a temperature that day) and I didn't close the door properly then Cre opened the door and asked if I was okay. I wanted to shove my head into the toilet bowl please. *mumbles.

Okay, that was so random. So anyway, I haven't been going to work the past couple of working days. Down with bloody fever and flu. But I went ahead with all the clubbing and weekend plans. Nothing is going to ruin my weekend.

So apparently my attendance has finally become a HUGE issue with the company. Honestly, I fucking hate my internship. I regret rejecting Ritz Carlton like hell. I regret choosing this company. I REGRET. *drama. I don't fucking give a damned anymore. Really. I just want to get over and done with it. Fuck the commendation grade. I just want to go back to school.

Elective selection's a huge pain in my ass cause I cannot decide between E-Business and Calculus. Calculus cause I want to further my studies but E-Business cause there is a huge chance I would fail Calculus. I shall just stick with what I'm confident of passing.

Wah lau. Everyone has been saying I put on weight. Knn. I've got to stop eating so much. Trust me. I've been eating A LOT.

I just realised I've been blabbering. Bahh. Nonsense. I've become all nonsensical hanging out with the nonsensical one. *giggles.

"Fallen"

Something About You

Its been exactly 4 months of singlehood. The past 4 months have been crazy. People walked in and out of my life. Friendships formed and friendships lost. Dates, flings and eyecandies.

First and foremost, I would like to wish you an advance Happy 21st Birthday. Thank you for the 2 years of memories, good and bad likewise. The decision made was never regretted, not once. But of course I do wonder how would things be like now if I never made that decision. Whatever it is, I hope you are happy with your girl now.

Then came along a group of friends who kept me insanely sane during the "post-relationship" period. I still miss the laughter, the smiles and everything else shared between the group of us. Especially the few that listened to me, scolded me when I was crying while walking the streets of orchard. Thank you guys for everything. I miss each and everyone of you.

To you the boy. I have never met a nicer human of the opposite sex which I saw as a potential partner. I'm sorry for ending things the way it did, yes I was quite the bitch. But anyhow, I'm sure you will find someone worth your loving soon. The friendship is here to stay.

---

Flings will be flings and eyecandies will be eyecandies. The excitement dies off after awhile.

Bottomline, I basically screwed up the past 4 months of my life. My stand on relationships went haywire. All I wanted was fun. Go figure. Now, its just the same old Andrea again. I'm tired of the inconsistency, the fickle mindset, the changes that take place in nano seconds.

I do not regret what I have done. Rather, I see it as a learning experience. Learning from mistakes and repenting.

---

Now, you come sauntering into my life. *laughs. Its amazing how the chemistry fizzles, how you manage to make me feel all warm and fuzzy all over again despite the numbers. I hope this is here to stay. *flashes you a Drea smile.

How apt, I'm listening to Lovefool by The Cardigans now.

"Something in the way you move me"

Procrastination

I procrastinate too much.

Right now, I'm procrastinating if I should sleep or suffer the entire day later on without sleep.

If I should clear the mess in my room or shall I leave it till tomorrow.

If I should take another fag cause I feel like one but I've been smoking excessively and I'm almost broke and its only the first week of July.

So yes, the list can go on and on. What's wrong with us humans that we procrastinate almost every other minute of our lives?!

If I didn't procrastinate and do what's good for me, I'll be in bed now. My room will be cleared. I would be able to cut down on the sticks and save some moolah.

But hey, cut me some slack, don't you procrastinate too?

"Is this love real or just an illusion."

Back In Campus

For once I enjoyed traveling back to TP. Waiting for bus 69, climbing the stairs of the bridge and opening the doors of the lecture theatre greeted with familiar faces. The talk was totally redundant. I mean all of us were more eager to catch up with each other, give the well deserved hugs etc. Walking to the reservoir with Marilyn for smoke break. Pure bliss I tell you. I hate to say this but I fucking miss TP. Argh. Another 4 months.

So after lesson, towning with The Gang and Marilyn. So almost the whole bus 518 was filled with HTM students. Then, the bus broke down in the middle of PIE. How lucky. Everyone started calling the parentals to buy 4D. LOL. Number didn't open though. Tsk. Visual evidence of the breakdown here.

Creme Bistro for lunch, the Tori Katsu Don was damned good. *drools at thought of it. Then it was Mango sale at Shaw, Zara at Liat Towers. Thank god the clothes I wanted were out of my size. Left around 5 odd to meet Marilyn for more shopping after her pedicure session. Boy can my glam queen shop. I was aching after doing so much shopping with her.

At around 7, met jacy, litz, mac and her partner for dinner. Crystal Jade La Mian XLB. *double beam. Coffee Bean at Paragon after dinner and then jacy and I headed down to Club Momo. Momo was good. Goodbye Chinablack, Hello Club Momo. (:

Okay, I know I've been just reporting what I've been doing on Saturday. Life's monotonous and I have zero inspiration to blog about anything else.

"Do me a favour and fall in love with me."