Vintage Flavour

I'm totally pooped despite the 12 hour marathon sleeping session I had earlier. I could have slept even longer but Weed was already awake for awhile and kept bugging me to get up. |:

My body is aching from the shopping we did the day before (where I didn't sleep) and my tonsils are so damn huge and sore from the "excessive" smoking. Bah. I seriously need to quit smoking because I don't want to go for the damn operation. Bummer.

Bel, Weed and myself went on a vintage shopping trail on Saturday. First stop was to 'Army Market' at Beach Road where we pigged out at the hawker on kway chap, char kway teow, fried wantons and fruits. Then we walked around the place looking for cheap deals.

Second stop was Arab Street & Haji Lane, the streets of goodies. House of Japan was rewarding with it's hidden jewels if you rummage through carefully. Bel's friend's vintage record store was dope with all the vinyls and sorts.

We chanced upon this pretty lil vintage store called Hoity Toity which stocked the most beautiful vintage bags and dresses. Best part, everything in the store has only 1 piece. I fell in love with this vintage see through dress. I swear it's so pretty. Tried it on and contemplated buying it but it was a tad bit too big for me. I really like the dress a lot. ):

Walked on to Bugis and rested our tired feet, feeding ourselves with diet Coke, the dopest drink on earth when you're thirsty. Hur. Then Jon came along with his Land Rover and we headed over to Mustafa for more shopping!

After conquering Mustafa, we drove over to Zouk to drop our shopping bags at baggage while blasting Power 98's Red Hot Mix and smoking in the jeep. Whee! Dinner finally at 2200 at some "Seafood Restaurant" a short distance from Zouk. You tiaos, hotplate tofu, broccoli, fried rice and hor fun and a pot of chrysanthemum tea. Shiokness.

Headed back to Zouk just in time for the England - Portugal match. YAY! Portugal won! The babyboo calls me a traitor just because I wasn't rooting for England like she and Bel were. I would support England if they played against any country but Spain and Portugal. Next round, they're up against France who surprisingly won the previous champions, Brazil. It's going to be one interesting match.

Our shopping stash at the end of the day:
Bel - A beautiful vintage bag, a t-shirt, a ethnic looking top, a Japanese robe, an anklet, a watch and a book.
Weed - A pair of denims, a t-shirt and suspenders.
Yours truly - A striped halter and a crocodile singlet.

Bel obviously won hands down with the things she bought but Weed and I were equally satisfied with our stash of goodies. ((: Next stop, handicraft shopping at Arab Street and Spotlight!

"Quaint shophouses and secret rendevous"

Chained Affinity

Tracing the silhouette of your tender kisses, lying upon the fluffy pillow we both laid upon the night before. Memories still fresh, as if you were there, right next to me. As your breathing grew steady, bringing you into deep slumber, I kept vigil, thoughts running through my mind.

Choices to make, often intricate. Take a right turn, it leads to perfection. Take a wrong turn, disaster waits ahead. Material wants versus reality, head versus heart, which path shall I follow?

Breaking away from the norm, praying, hoping and wishing. Keep this affinity, chained together with the steel from our hearts; unbreakable.

Then there were promises. Promises made but never kept. I question myself but the answer remains the same. I'm in love. A fool in love, that's what I am.

---
*edit: 0410 hours

I have a WHOLE list of people to meet and since I have nothing better to do, I shall type it here just in case y'all think that I have forgotten!

I owe dates to Maye, Mel Anne, Denise, Ryl, Chy, Marilyn, Jac.
I've been trying to date Queky and Sel.

I will meet every single one of you before I land myself a job. Now note, I have yet to land myself a job. So please please pray that I've been waking up early for a good reason. Or I will just kaopei all day long.

Saturday, 0900. KNNBCCB why must so early can?! Pui. Now, to club later or not to club. I kinda miss Zouk and I need to "punch card". Hrmmm. Set, at most don't sleep and go straight. Okay, ready, get set, go.

GOOD LUCK! (to myself). PS. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME HOR. TOLONG TOLONG. PLEASE. I REALLY NEED IT THIS TIME.

"Then there were two; two in love."

Butterflies & Creepy Crawlies

I am suffering from a delayed bout of Monday blues since it's already officially Tuesday.

It's not good since tomorrow's a big and long day for me. The anxiety and stress is just building up inside me, waiting to explode.

On a lighter note, this picture calms me a little. I just need the real person. I miss my babyboo. I really miss her. Now I feel like crying. ): Sigh. I need my happy pill, NOW.

Wish me luck. I'll need it.

"If only everything was as easy as ABC"

Bite Me

It doesn't pay being civil in society these days. If you keep your mouth shut and attempt to be nice, people take you for a wuss and trample all over you. I've been very generous, in fact too generous, so now I've had it, two can play the game.

http://eternalbeautifulchild.blogspot.com

This blog URL belongs to the ex's sister. Not my ex mind you, my ex-es and their family members have better things to do.

Note the entries on June 23rd and 24th. It was specially written in honour of Spencer and myself. Awww, we're flattered.

• A can be for many things, didn't your kindergarten teacher teach you? Yes, I'm a bitch and I'm proud of it, no need to emphasize on that fact. But like what you said, it's your blog and so this is my blog as well.
• I have something that your sister would do anything to have. That's how far the status would get me.
• I can't wait to see what will become of me either. I could ditch her instead maybe? You never know girl.
• Oh no. I've planned my next suicide. Next time around, I'll jump off the overhead bridge across PIE and make sure I die. Then I'll come back to haunt those who deserve haunting, so I can totally understand your excitement.
• You're spot on about the cheating. Congratulations on spotting the fact. But come on, someone always has to get hurt in a relationship, don't you know that? Oh, I forgot, how would you know, you've never been in a BGR.
  
• This time, you've got your facts wrong. Your mum is the one who's contacting Spencer, not the other way around. Maybe you should learn your status in the family and let your mum do as she deems fit.
• You're one ironic child. First you say a girl can never be addressed as Mister, so how can SHE be an actor? Shouldn't it be actress? Ah damn, your entries are full of grammatical errors anyway.
• Congratulations on being wanted as well. I hope it wasn't something you conjured in your dreams though.
• Hmmm. Spencer may have kissed other girls when she was with your sister but as of when she's been with me, she's only been kissing me.
  

http://damoomoo.blogspot.com

This blog URL belongs to the ex. Just in case you KPOs are dying to know who's who and what's going on. I know, but please don't laugh at the URL, it's a very mean thing to do. -stifles a giggle-

A gentle warning to all, I am not liable for making you guys read bad grammar.

"I am everything; everything you're not"

Love & War

I planted seedless grapes, I wonder what seeds you spat out.
All's fair in love and war. Now you've lost the battle, it's time to retreat. Leave us alone.

Status Quo: In a relationship.

I know. Like finally after almost 5 months of shit I had to put up with. Now, I just signed a contract to put up with more shit till 'death do us part'.

I love my girlfriend. (:

"When will you get the picture
You're the past, I'm the future
Get away, it's my time to shine
If you didn't know, the boy is mine"

SORE

Made an appointment with Suzanne on Tuesday so that Weed would finally get off my back about her hair being too long, too heavy and what nonsense.

Bel joined us shortly after for some mad cab chasing from Specialist Centre to Heerens just so that we could catch soccer on time at Serangoon Gardens.

In between the 2 matches, we headed to Bel's and played pool, played with her animals (2 dogs, 1 tortoise, 2 terrapins, 1 hamster, 1 rabbit and a lot of kois) and ransacked her food supply. Hurhur. Weed and I are absolutely smitten with her dogs, especially the fatty one. Awww.

While watching the 2nd match, my eye started playing tricks on me. My poor right eye was oozing out pus, it felt like some rotten waterfall. Bah. It never got better till Weed bought eye drops from a nearby petrol kiosk.

Zouk-ed with Bel, Jo and Weed earlier. I finally deviated from my weekly Wednesday routine. Instead of spending all my time at Phuture, I camped out at Zouk's members instead. I'm happily mambo-ed and Chivas-ed. Met my long lost Glam Queen who just came back from a flight. I've missed you so much you stupid Mei Nu! We need to meet with the rest. Hugs.

---

Until now, my eyes are still SORE but I think it's cause of the lack of sleep. ): My throat is so SORE that I'm close to losing my voice. I think it's gotta do with the annoyingly increasing number of SORE people. -clears throat-

Very randomly, grapes are one of the loveliest fruits. They're the best when you sit on one side of the fence and watch Miss J eat the sour ones on the other side. J'adore des raisins. (:

Okay, my fever has just gone up a notch. I need to sleep. :|

"Sometimes the last thing you want comes in first
Sometimes the first thing you want never comes
But I know that waiting is all you can do
Sometimes

I'll put a spell on you
You'll fall asleep
When I put a spell on you
And when I wake you I'll be the first thing you see
And you'll realise that you love me"

---

edited by the baby:

I don't know what to blog cos my brain can't think.

So I shall just post part of the conversation I had with Bel.

stab you says:
you also love andrea a lot wat
stab you says:
i thougth it was sweet yesterday the min you wake up you ask about her eye
stab you says:
if it were me i will forgert one lor..ill just kaobei i hungry
stab you says:
then still go toilet wet the tissue bring back clean her eye
stab you says:
SIGHHHHH

---> So is this good enough to show you that I care?

Get well soon my baby. Hugs.

Love Me

One complains that I don't blog as often anymore so here I am, blogging. Another complains that I don't blog about her anymore so here I am, blogging about her. You two know who you are. I love you both very dearly. I don't know what I'd do without either one of you.

Yes I may be demanding, melodramatic, possessive and un-trusting. I whine and cry too much for my own good. I lose my temper and do rash things. But that's who I am and that's who you fell for no?

And with all honesty, you're equally or even more demanding, possessive and un-trusting.
Love me for who I am won't you? Because I love you just the way you are.

My stupid bastard sexay Spencer. MINE MINE MINE. -silly grin-

"I'd love to hate you but I'd rather love you"

Finally Back From The Hiatus

I haven't updated in like 2 weeks, like OMG. So anyway, breakdown of my exciting life.

2nd June, Friday - Zouk-ed with Bel, Jo and Weed.

3rd June, Saturday - Town-ed then Zouk and HRC with Clair, Bel, Jo, Bess and Weed.

4th June, Sunday - Zouk Flea & Easy. I'd have to say the previous Flea & Easy was better but anyhow, we had fun. Weed finally bought her Vintage Clock and she bought me a new Lego Ring!

So pretty aye.

5th June, Monday - I was cooking dinner/lunch in my PJs when I heard someone scream "BABY!" at my front door. Awww, Weed popped over to surprise me.

6th June, Tuesday - You guys know by now that I have an non existent sense of humour so cartoons are usually a definite boo boo for me but I promised the baby that I'd catch 'Over the Hedge' with her so we booked the tickets online and trotted over to TM. It was so fucking CUTE and funny please. Like I WANT A BABY PORCUPINE LIKE RIGHT NOW. Thankyouverymuch. Lol.

7th June, Wednesday - Lunch-ed with the Mummy, mummy's bf and the Weed. Weed headed home to change while I headed for Graduation Ceremony with mummy and the bf. It was so damn mother fucking boring that mummy and I were texting each other complaining about the state of boredom we were in. Lol.

Then, the emcee pronounced my cheena name wrongly! So fucking paiseh. But I totally expected it and cringed my way to shake hands with the Guest of Honour to take the damn Diploma.

THEN, I tripped while walking back to my seat and my fucking worn for less than 2 hours heels broke. WAH FUCK, literally. I just wanted to dig a hole and bury myself. Thank God I was around people who have seen me in my most un-glam manner in the past 3 years or I would have cried bloody murder.

The Girls(L-R): Drea, Chy, Ryl and Kerrie.
The Boys (L-R): Brian, Joseph, Jem, Stewart, Ron and Shaun.
I'll miss you all. ):

Phuture was like full house but thank God for the Privilege card. Everyone was there! I was a rather happy girl with my darling girls at Mambo and the YTF girlies at Phuture. Stayed till closing (haven't stayed till closing for the longest time) and headed for prata shop but it was totally packed so we headed over to Spize.

8th June, Thursday - Weed and I were just so tired so we stayed in and lazed around the whole day.

9th June, Friday - Weed finally headed back home then it was Party Up! @ DXO.

10th June, Saturday - Met Jo in town and basically slacked around till 0400.

11th June, Sunday - Met Jie and Ash and headed to Coffee Club for World Cup till 0500.

12th June, Monday - Weed's crib then headed to Jie's for more WC.

13th June, Tuesday - Still stuck at Jie's after MORE WC.

14th June, Wednesday - Zouk. Do I have to say more?

15th June, Thursday - WC with Weed at the coffeeshop downstairs my place.

16th June, Friday - Cried, Zouk-ed, 65M-ed home alone.

17th June, Saturday - HRC-ed with Bel, Jo, Jie, Bessy, Clair and Weed.

---

I spend 3 days a week clubbing, the remaining days I entertain myself with WC. I am a Spain and Portugal fan, not that you'd want to know. I need to do something with my life.

And it's already almost July. Oh my freaking God la. It's all World Cup's fault, it's a huge distraction.

Then when I finally set myself to start on something, I fall sick. The timing's perfect. -scowls-

I have this horrendous sore throat, perpetual leaking nose/teary eyes, horrible bodyache. I don't like. -sulks, pouts and grumbles-

This post is extremely brainless and boring but that's all I can generate with the stupid sickness. I promise, the next will be something more substantial.

"Don't keep me waiting."

I Won't Be Second To None

I WILL NOT be second to none. I REFUSE to be second to none.

I'm starting to feel the pressure. In fact, I'm begining to crumble under it. You'll never understand because it's all just but a game to you.

But I'll get over this. I always do. At least that's everyone's expectations.

So, fuck you, you, you and you. Thankyouverymuch.

"Without you i was broken
But I'd rather be broke down with you by my side."

Chopsticks and Spoons

"Down for Maintenance
Blogger is temporarily unavailable due to an unexpected problem.
We will be back up as soon as possible."
HAHA.

So, I'll have to do this entry on the notepad.

MRS Andrea TAN wants me to confess that,
Spencer has been a very naughty daughter
BUT a very good baby.
Because,
I've been staying over at the baby's crib since Saturday.

We wanted to stay in so that we can save money
and be part of GSS.
But I guess we've failed to do so cos we've spent quite a bit on FOOD!

Till date,
we've eaten 9 packets of golden mushrooms,
a whole cabbage,
a packet of snow peas,
luncheon meat,
alot of otahs,
many cups of bubble tea,
rice, maggi mee, instant porridge,
and too many other things to be mentioned.

We have concluded that we cannot live together
because all we do is COOK, EAT, WATCH TV AND SLEEP!

These are days which are simple yet filled with so much love.
I wanna wash those vegetables,
prepare the food
and cook for you everyday.
Though those are just simple food
but that's how we build a simple life together yes?

Its how time passes which makes you, me.
You'll see what you've given all worthwhile.
I'll put them down
and take you to where we belong.


I promise.

Party Up!

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---

I am very busy with Weed at the moment. Be back to blog soon. Do not disturb baby and I. BYEBYE. ((((((:

Upgrade The Noise Level

I've had it with the upgrading in my neighbourhood, seriously. Everyday at 0900, they start the mother fucking drilling, sawing, blah blah and it doesn't stop till like 1800 in the evening. I feel like I am working full time to be annoyed by the noise level.

Sure, at the end of it all, I'll get a beautiful neighbourhood, lifts at every level and a brand new toilet bowl to shit in but fuck, it's mother fucking fuck fuck noisy. The noise is so deafening that I can't listen to my FM unless I blast it, I get interrupted in my sleep periodically and it results in a threatening to burst my brains headache.

It used to be worst when I was still in the nightlife because day time is sleeping time not working time and now that I'm trying to fix my body clock back to normal, it ain't really helping because after all I'm a chronic insomniac. KNNBFUCKCCB.

The best part of it all? I have to bear with the fucking noise till 2009. OMFG LA PLEASE. 3 very fucking long years to go. Wake me up when 2009 ends please. -continues cursing and swearing-

PFFFTTTT.

Yesterday, met mummy in town after she ended work and headed straight to buy my shoes. I have a gleaming new pair of black 2.5 inches patent pumps. Though I was searching for 3 or 3.5 inches because I like my heels at that height though I do not need the boost in my height. But anyhow, I'm a happy girl, yay! -double beam- Had dinner at Sakae Sushi and mummy commented that my appetite has decreased enormously. I'd have to agree with her but I'm not losing any weight?! -.-

Usher is screaming "Yeah yeah" on the FM now. Bloody noise. I'm off to meet Ding Dong Belly Bel and Titty Jojo now. Byebye noisy neighbourhood.

"Suspicion sneaks around like a snake."

When You're Mad

Vaunt! @ MoS after an impromptu decision with the Weed. I will NEVER go to another "underage" party in my life. The horrors of no smoking, no alcohol, getting picked up by hormonal teenage boys and absurdly fucked up management of MoS.

I'll stick to my too smoky till you tear, drunkards and lao cheekopehs lurking in Zouk, that's more my cup of alcohol. Hah. Nevertheless, the company though strange was nothing but interestingly fun.

Yong Tau Foo girlies are at Zouk happily mambo-ing away except the 3 youngest, namely, Bel, Weed and myself.

Jie texted, "Woah~ Square rooms!"around midnight. KNNBCCB. Everytime I want to mambo, no one wants to mambo with me and when I don't go, y'all mambo and send me this kind of text message. Slap you girls ten times. Hahaha. Full Yong Tau Foo girlies attendance next Wed or this Fri at Zouk okay? It's about time Weed and I "punch cards" anyway. Lol.

Anyway, Yong Tau Foo outing this Sunday okay? Either the Zoo or Pulau Ubin or whatever suggestions y'all have. Tanning at Sentosa is out though cause Bel just got inked. Will text all of you soon to confirm details. Miss you girls loads.

Everyone's getting inked or pierced these days, at least for the YTF girlies. I'm itching so badly to get the surface chest piercing that Bel has and another weirdly positioned piercing on the ear but Weed's making noise about my multiple piercings. -grumbles- I'm going to get inked once I get confirmation from something. Though I'm still weighing between an ambigram of my name and something else. Hrmmm.

Very randomly, I'd like to say that humans are indecisive creatures, myself included and some like to express their indecisiveness by "hanging themselves up for sale"(literal translation of a Chinese phrase). Girl, it's not going to work this way you know? I pity you.

I'm feeling sleepy from the beer I shared with mummy. -yawns-

"It's just the cutest thing
When you get to fussing (cussing)
Yelling and throwing things
I just wanna eat you up
I don't mean no disrespect
When I start staring
Knowing that it makes you mad
I'm sorry that seeing you mad is so sexy

Could it be the little wrinkle over your nose
When you make your angry face
That makes me wanna just take off all your clothes
And sex you all over the place
Could it be the lil' way that you storm around
That makes me wanna tear you down
Baby, I ain't sure, but one thing that I do know is

Every time you scream at me
I wanna kiss you
When you put your hands on me
I wanna touch you
When we get to arguing
Just gotta kiss you
Baby, I don't know why it's like that
But you're so damn sexy
When you're mad

Baby, don't think I don't take you seriously
But I just can't help the fact that your attitude excites me (so exciting)
And you know ain't nothing better
Then when we get
Mad together and have angry sex (I'll blow you out)
Then we forget what we were mad about"

Right Back In My Arms

Baby is back! Complete with lots of alcohol, dreadlocks, a sexaye voice and loads of presents for me. -skips around the room and grins like a complete mofo-

With my nose pressed to the glass at Terminal 1's arrival hall, I waited like an eager beaver. Then after what felt like ETERNITY, she finally appeared!

It was like falling in love with her all over again complete with butterflies in my stomach. -triple beam-

I'm the happiest girl alive. Now to stay alive, I need to sleep, it's been almost 30 hours.

Goodnight beautiful world.

((:

"Everyday, I thank God that I found you."

Hurry Back To Me

I have officially morphed my body clock to suit American hours and I swear I feel like I'm suffering from perpetual jet lag.

So I didn't sleep until around 1530 hours yesterday (from the day before) and I got up today at 0020 hours when the Weed called from BKK. As of now, 0655 hours, I am wide awake. Like omfg, somebody kill me please.

So I've been tweaking resumes, contemplating on sending them out, procrastinating, you know the usual nonsense to why I still haven't gotten a damn job up till now. At least this time around I got something substantial done as promised to the Weed.

Graduation ceremony is just 9 days away and I am so dreading it because I just abhor ceremonial procedures but the dearest mummy insists on it so what choice do I have right? Bloody bugger. The only motivating factor to attend the ceremony would be seeing my girls and all HTM people, for what might be the last time, gathered together. |:

Anyway, I mentioned earlier that Weed woke me up with her phone call from BKK. My heart broke when I heard her voice because I almost couldn't recognize her! Not because that I'm becoming senile but because she's suffering from a very bad sorethroat.

I miss the Weed but I'm not going to whine today because she'll be back in approximately 12 hours. Hugs, kisses, baby and presents here I come!

"Baby, baby, won't you hurry back home."

Eat Carebears

I'm wide awake. -slaps self ten times- I just couldn't sleep no matter how hard I tried. I'm feeling very miserable. It's the damn cramps, PMS and 897 miles.

So I'm tried to get myself to sleep with a glass of REALLY strong Chivas Green Tea at 0700, reading an absolutely boring book and even closing my eyes for as long as I could and fucking nothing worked.

So I came back online and decided to look through my chat log to find a particular conversation with Weed cause she told me her flight details and I forgot to note them down. Apparently it was a 4 way conversation between Bel the Belly, Bessy the Eagle, Weed and myself. This damn conversation made me miss her even more. Like 10000000000000000 times more.

Weed: Eagle, no need to work ar?
Eagle: im at work la!
Weed: work can online ar?
Eagle: nthing do mah
Me: Work can go online what. I used to be online also. Bel's at work now too. All eat snake!

So the conversation sounds extremely boringly normal until ...

Weed: why cannot eat carebears?
Belly: cos they care, it's mean to eat them
Me: Eat carebears?!
Weed: i wanna have carebears inside my stomach

And you thought it was bad until ...

Me: Which carebear do you have in mind?
Weed: ALL

I'm just not used to it. She's always with me every Saturday and Sunday. Fuck, I need to quit whining. Okay I'm done here.

"It's just tomorrow. TOMORROW FASTER COME PLEASE."

2 days 1 night

Hi baby,
I just came back from some night market.
I feel like i'm being paid to shop for people
and I swear BKK is sex-ist
cos MOST of the stuffs are for FEMALES!!
of which, results in me buying
MANY things for the baby.
I can predict there's more to come thou.
good thing huh? Hah.

Alright,
I'm heading back to the room now
gotta wake up early to attend mass.


Till then,
I'm counting down.


"Though miles apart, my heart's next to yours."

---
*edit: 0622 hours.

Before I start harping on how much I miss my baby (which by the way, if you find incessantly annoying, very good because that means I've gotten my point across to show how much I miss her), Herstory's Femme Quest contestant profiles are out.

And I'm utterly perturbed. Click and go figure. -mock horror-

Okay, I'm a bitch and I know it. A couple are not THAT bad but for the rest, I shall just shut my bloody trap. Thank you very much.

---

Hi Baby! I miss you. -dramatic wailing in typical Drea style- I can't wait for my presents to come back! Haha. Kidding, I can't wait for you to come back and you know I mean it.

The same thing happened. Mr. Bear bear called me and I was promptly informed by Mr. Bear bear that my baby was online and had only 30 minutes. I WAS ELATED! -triple beam- Thank you Mr. Bear bear. I will still call you Mr. Bear bear because I like it and you can't stop me! -sticks tongue out- Haha.

Met Queky on bus 65 and headed to town for dinner. Queky the best friend finally gave me my very belated birthday dinner treat at Cartel and two tank tops that she bought for me when she was in BKK. Thank you Queky! We'll meet up real soon again kay? -hugs- The rest namely, Jon, Bel, Jo and Jie joined us shortly after that and packed into Jon's Land Rover to HRC.

HRC was boring with a capital B. Spent half my time there sulking or making a face which meant "This song reminds me of Spencer". -big sulk-

We've spent every single weekend together since February and this is the first time we're spending it apart, 897 miles apart at that. I feel so empty and lost honestly. The Yong Tau Foo girlies know how bad I'm taking it. ):

My insomnia's gotten from bad to worst after she left, I barely sleep 4 hours a day now. I eat 1 meal a day and spend my days watching tv in bed, acting like a total sloth. I'm like a live walking zombie, major, like totally.

Yes, come June, it'll be 4 months of bickering, crying, screaming, ubber mushy-ness, mad cap trips and sweet love. I know many never thought we'd last so long and with no official "break up" of any sorts and honestly, neither did I. But we're here now and we'll go further. So bite me.

I love you baby and I really miss you. You're going to make up for making me such a miserable bitch for 5 fucking days and no, the presents won't suffice. I want loads of sweet love, tight hugs and baby time when you get back, no bargaining.

2 days; 48 hours; 2, 880 minutes; 172, 800 seconds more to go.

3 days 2 nights

Its o117 in Bangkok now,
and I'm paying 200 baht for half an hr
of access to the internet
which according to my baby drea,
is daylight robbery.HA
but I willing to be robbed cos
I miss my baby so MUCH
that I have to come online and talk to her
cos my hp bill is exploding. =/

Anyway,
I have to do some whining here
cos the weather's fucking HOT!
And I have to walk thousands of streets and shops
I'm having a hard time thinking
what to buy for people on my list
People who recieves gifts from me please APPRECIATE ah.
As for the baby, I bought a few stuffs already.
so DON'T WORRY! Haha.

My dear baby,
you be good and take care of yourself
when i'm not around k?

I have to go now.
Thank you for the letters and gurdian angel
I'll be looking forward to opening the last letter
cos that's when I'll be back in your arms.


PS: I'm sorry to make you miss me so damn mother fucking much

"I miss and I'm missing you as much too."

---
*edit: 0536 hours.

That was the baby from 897 miles away above. ((((((((((:

My cell rang at around 0220 when I was comforting myself with Channel 5's Desperate Housewives's Slumber Party and it was an unknown number. I picked up and the girl at the other end asked if I was Andrea. So I said yes and asked who it was. Her reply was "Spencer asked me to call you and tell you to go online because she's online now.". I was in such shock and ectasy that I don't even remember saying Thank You to that dear girl. Bay, please thank her for me.

So I turned on my desktop and modem in like record time and logged right straight into MSN, clicked on her right away and said:

// `right back in your arms *drea says:
BABY!

// `right back in your arms *drea says:
WHAT ARE YOU DOING ONLINE?

// `right back in your arms *drea says:
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I'VE MISSED YOU?!

// `right back in your arms *drea says:
OMG.

// `right back in your arms *drea says:
BABYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

Okay, I reckon you guys get the gist already. Haha.

Anyway, life hasn't been good because I am bloody sick. Been down with a bad flu which includes a full blown fever. Bahh. But I'm much better now and I seriously think it's love sickness. Lol.

So I spent Friday night at home, watching the telly, tweaking my resume and taking cat naps. Later I will go out, I need to get out of this house and I need a proper job.

Anyway bay, Jo said:

i am a gajah hear my rarwr.. says:
fuck la her post in ur blog is so sweet lor

And I was telling her:

// `right back in your arms *drea says:
Don't know whether to hug her and tell her she's so damn cute or scream at her for being a moron.

Right now, I wish I could really do either because I can't. I want to sprout wings like Angel in X-Men III or strike lottery right now. )):

I MISS MY BABY LIKE MANY MANY!

*Many many equates to a lot. I'm just trying to act cute so I assure you that I do not speak or write like that. I can see Jie cringing at the sight of many many. LOL.

Strike Five; Cry Baby

Sometimes even when you know the truth, you pretend that you don't because that way, life's a little easier to go through. Let's just say, I'm not stupid but stupid enough to lie to myself. Conclusion, I am stupid.

---

It's been a long day.

Stayed up all night doing something for the bay then headed for her place late morning for some sweet cuddling and love. Sneaking forty winks (literally less than an hour's of sleep) in between. (:

Had a small tiff because she didn't want me to send her to the airport but we both had our good intentions, so all was fine. She didn't want me to go cause she knew that I'd break down and I was going to be alone. I wanted to go because I wouldn't get to see her for five fucking days and every single second with her counted. The cry baby surfaced in me, strike one.

In an attempt to cheer me up, she treated me to Popeye's once we got to the airport. Walked around with my hand in hers, pushing the trolley, engulfed in the make believe we made up (read: packing me in her luggage, going for a holiday together etc.).

Then the cold hard truth had to hit me, it was time to say goodbye. I mustered all my strength and told myself to not cry but the cry baby surfaced once again, strike two. After watching her go through customs and waving the last goodbye, it was time to leave, or so I thought.

I walked outside for a breather of fresh air cause I felt like I was suffocating. I think I was close to suffering an anxiety attack. Then I broke down like she predicted. Cry baby, strike three.

Finally got a grip of myself and walked to the bus interchange and took a bus home. Then she called and said that she was boarding the plane. Cry baby, strike four.

She just texted saying that she's safely in Bangkok now. Cry baby, strike five.

Oh my mother fucking fuck. I need to stop crying. It's not like she's gone for good. She'll be right back in 4 damn days. Why can't I stop crying please. -slaps self ten times- I just told Zen that I've concluded that I'm mad. Zen says that I'm madly in love with her. |:

Oh God, Santana feat Joss Stone's Cry Baby Cry is on Power 98 right now. I NEED TO BUY LOTTERY!

It's just been a long day with the lack of sleep and emotional rollercoaster rides I reckon.

I miss her despite seeing her less than 5 hours ago. )': It's the miles apart thing doing this to me. Damn.

---

On a random and lame note, GSS (Great Singapore Sale) is here! I concluded proudly to Queky on MSN that it means that it's time to Go Siao Shopping.

Am I funny or what? Hah. Okay, another failed attempt to cheer myself up. Bahh.

"I hate you for making me miss you so damn mother fucking much."

Story Of A Girl

The bay's leaving in approximately 12 hours.

Upside:
She's all hyped up about the trip.
She'll get to shop till she drops.
She'll have all so much fun.
I'll be getting presents.

Downside:
She's down with the flu.
I won't get to hear, see or feel her for 5 full days.

But I'm good. I'll be good. -smiles-

She once mentioned that 3 Doors Down's Story of a Girl is just so apt for me.

"This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she smiles"

Go figure. I'll be that girl when she leaves. It's just 5 days, and it'll pass real fast. Right?

Till then,

Spell with Flickr

Too Damn Soon

Mustafa-ed, Chinatown-ed and Bugis-ed with the Weed today. Did the last minute errands she needed to do before leaving for BKK. Bought her luggage (I think it's quite nice because I chose it), daily essentials and changed her currency.

My bay-bee's leaving in another 24 hours. That is too damn soon honestly. -sulks-

Thursday, I'll prolly head back home after sending her off at the airport. Friday and Saturday, I'll be meeting Queky the "long lost" best friend" and the rest of the Yong Tau Foo girlies. Sunday, I'll stay home and be a good girl. Before I know it, she'll be right back bickering with me on Monday afternoon.

I'm sick of bumming around with nothing to do and absolutely no income so while she's gone, I've promised to be sending in my resume to any potential employers, so that's what I'll be filling up my afternoons with.

The stupid Weed lied to me earlier resulting in me crying. She told me that she didn't activate her auto roaming and wasn't intending to. The thought of no contact for 120 hours brought tears to my eyes immediately, being the cry baby I am, I cried. |: How was I supposed to know that the bastard was lying right?! -sulks- And despite seeing her about 6 hours ago, I already miss her.

How am I going to get through 120 hours, 892 miles apart from her? )':

"And I miss you I miss you like crazy baby
Only your sweet love can save me
I miss you like crazy
A love like ours will never end
Just touch me and we're there again
Miss you like crazy, I miss you like crazy."

Just The Two Of Us

The weekend was spent with the Weed and the Weed alone. ((:

First was to her new crib to help out with some cleaning up. She's going to be so near to my old Hougang place (like 15 minutes bus ride near) but I've moved from Hougang to Bedok Reservoir for almost 3 years already. |:

Then headed down town for dinner and some window shopping. We wanted to club but the Yong Tau Foo girlies weren't clubbing but we ended up clubbing anyhow, just the two of us. Hah. It's strange how we always end up clubbing with only each other for company, but all was good. ((:

Headed down to Zouk to "punch our cards" and run some errands then we walked over to Cocco Latte for Gemma's party. Privilege card and guest list, I love! Headed back around 0200 because we were both tired.

For the first time, we both slept for 12 hours straight and the Weed only woke me up once and when I told her to go back to sleep, she went back to sleep!

She's going to be headed to the land of smiles in 3 days. Why is everyone going to BKK?! Queky just returned from 1 full month there, Zen's there at the moment coming back on Friday (Tau Pok, we're here at your mercy, just give me a call if you miss me. HAHA) and now the lil' one's going over on Thursday for 5 damn fucking long days! )): I want to go too!

It's going to be 5 days = 120 hours = 7, 200 minutes = 432, 000 seconds of no one to bicker with me and no one to smile at me even when we're quarrelling. -mumbles-

I'm shall look on the bright side, at least she'll be happily shopping and I'll be happily waiting for my presents to come back to me!

But I'd give anything to have her by my side, even if that means no presents.

"Just the two of us, building castles in the sky.
Just the two of us, you and I."

ILU

Clicking the dial button repeatedly since 0300 hours. Ring ring ring the phone goes, drip drip drip my tears drop.

I don't get why you don't believe that you're the one I love the most. That I've done nothing alike for the rest like I've done for you. That I'll do anything for you, everything.

Why can't you see that I really just love you. Do I have to really prove it the hard way? Don't make me do it please. Just believe in me, like I believe in you.

I love you. I really do. Sometimes, I think I love you too much but I continue loving you anyway.

The irony? You're not even my girlfriend.

---

I know what's my one wish that I'd like you to grant. Then again, maybe you'll never find out.

"Make a wish upon a star."

Notice

No prose filled with my deepest emotions today. I just want to say,

I AM NOT OKAY BUT I DON'T CARE FOR ANYONE'S CONCERN. LEAVE ME FUCKING ALONE. I'D APPRECIATE IT DEEPLY. AND I MEAN IT.

Thank you very much and thank whoever who invented flu pills. Just pop half a dozen and I'll be knocked out. I'm feeling the effects already.

GREAT. Fort Minor's Where'd you go just has to play on Power 98 as I type this. I should consider buying lottery.

"I am nothing but an empty vessel"

Ghouls In The Attic

Oversensitivity and paranoia runs in my veins. Till thus now, it has proved to be nothing in vain. Uncovering every deep dark dirty little secret you've tried to keep, I lose a lil of myself. Sometimes I wish the truth would never surface, secrets buried with you in your grave. But I would never be appeased in my death, knowing that truth would be mocking me in your grave. Mock me for my stupidity and foolishness. It beats being mocked by the truth six feet underground.

Though the past haunts me like a ghoul in the attic, it's the present that matters. Or is it?

---

I'm okay or so I think. I'm just a lil shaken. But I'll be fine, I'll always be fine till the day I lose it all over again.

And the next person who ask if Weed and I are okay will be shot to death. We are very fine, thankyouverymuch. Not everything on my blog is about her you know, well, almost.

Fort Minor's Where'd You Go makes me cry.

Fucking bullshit, fuck fuck fuck.

"When I wake up, would you still be there?"

Sweet Addiction

The long weekend was well spent with my Yong Tau Foo girlies and most importantly, the baby. ((:

Zouk-ed on Thursday and Friday. HRC-ed on Saturday. Chinatown-ed on Sunday. Whipped up dinner for the baby yesterday (Monday).

Baby and myself headed to Suzanne's for a hair cut on Saturday. All I can say now is that my hair is SO SHORT till I can't tie it anymore. )): Okay, it's not THAT short (shoulder length) but I miss my long hair please. Some commented that I look younger (I seriously do not need to look younger), I look like a minah (I will fucking slap the next person who says that) but mostly that it's nice BUT since the baby says it's nice, then it's nice (I'm in denial).

I love the big, too skinny like a monkey, seaweed tofu, sweetums, sexay chocolate dipped, candy coated, kiddo, Spencer Tan, baby.

And this is why I love her so.

Picture courtesy of Jojo who took it at Forum Macs when the baby was well, drunk. I know, ain't she adorable. (((:

"You're like a drug that I'm addicted to and I have no intentions of going cold turkey."

Stranger Things Have Happened

A strange turn of events, left questions unanswered. Emotionally drained, the facade never stronger. Running away from reality, pretentiousness is a forte of mine.

Coincidences lead to a socially mis-fitted gathering. Telling me what a fool I am, for the hundredth millionth time. The pieces of advice flitted around my mind, then like a leaf, I let it go and stood my ground.

Tears flowed, emotions befuddled but all was good, like it has always been. But what happens when the end comes? I don't know really and I'm not the least prepared for the raging war inside threatening to massacre every part of me.

I don't know what's to come in the future or what will be of me and you. I love you. I need you. That's all I know and that's all you need to know. Do you see it, I wonder. Maybe I do know the answer but after all, Miss Abnegation lives up to her name.

---

Thank you Jie for allowing me to camp over at your place every so often. I totally agree with the idea of you getting me a set of your house keys too. I know you're tired of hearing the same old story from me and I thank you with all my heart for always being so patient and using every ounce of love to resist slapping me. I owe you one, okay maybe more than one. -hugsjietight- Yes I will bring you shopping soon, I remember okay? Haha.

On a very random note, Weed has a new Agnes B money clip cum key chain. Phwoar, Agnes B leh. On a not so random note, my pocket has a hole now. Coincidence perhaps? Hah.

"How much I love you could kill you, really."

Strike One

A cloudy morning, set out with the intentions of sweetness. A night's lack of sleep, all for the vision of happiness. Paths crossed, saccharine emotions exchanged. Blurry eyed, butterflies fluttered with the rumble of hunger.

Paranoia or rather instinct, revealed the buried truth. Anger and disappoinment played their pivotal role, leaving emotions at complete loss. Tempers flared, emotions strung high, resentment turned into hatred.

V is for vengeance. And there are some things that will never change, never.

Exhausted like always, with emotions constantly running all over the place, what else can one expect? But when the day numbness is all you feel, do you succumb or do you perserve?

I perserved, like the loved ones predicted and the enemies miscalculated. I've live a life, trying to prove something to everyone. Then an epiphany hits me, the only person I have to prove to is myself.

I'll leave the eyes of suspicion, take the leap of faith and trust like I last did 8 months ago. The last left me jaded and nerved, empty promises and betrayal. I never thought I'd love like before and ironically I was spot-on. I've never loved like this, to the point of what some call insanity.

The heart has hardened once again but still foolishly trapped in confusion. At least if I fall, I'd survive the fall, or so I think. All because the saying goes, "All is calm before a thunderstorm". Strike one, strike two, strike three, gone. Or will there be a strike four, five, six and so on? The future remains untold.

In the meantime, the masquerade continues. Everyone, put your masks back on.

"Everything needs to be read between the lines, everything."

Sick Cycle Carousel

This weekend is going to be boring, at least I'm predicting it to be.

Met Bessy and Jie at Settlers Cafe after work, Zen and Weed joined us a little later. Yes, I am proud to say that we did not club but I am upset because we gave Paul Oakenfold a miss. -stabs self ten times-

We played:

• A Dog's Life (totally boring),
  
• Management Material (ridiculous but fun card game where you have to prevent yourself from getting promoted at work)
  
• Hallie Hilly or Hilly Hallie or whatever it was called (a violent game of snap where the chances of hurting yourself when you hit the bell are extremely high)
  
• Taboo (I don't have to explain this game do I?)
  
• Jenga (it was the longest Jenga game any one of us has ever played)
  
• Pit! (this was the best game we played, we're all sorta suffering from minor sorethroats from all the screaming and I laughed so hard till I cried and smudged my mascara).

Left at 0130 and walked to Maxwell Market for supper then walked to Momo but decided not to go in and then walked back to Chinatown and then we decided that there was nothing else to do. Basically, we walked and walked and walked and walked and walked for almost 3 hours. -.-

That was how exciting my Friday night was. Nevertheless, I had fun ruining my mascara with my girls at Settlers. Hah. ((:

Tomorrow's been left unplanned, the only plan is that we're not clubbing or at least I think so. Grandma's birthday cum Mother's day dinner celebrations with the extended family. I am so dreading it.

With all honesty, I don't even feel like going out, I just want to stay home with my novels. I've begun to pick up with my reading again and it's both a good thing and bad thing. Good thing because I've stopped reading for quite awhile, bad thing because it just means that I have too much time on my hands and also that I only turn to my books when I'm upset and insomniac.

I'm losing grip.

It's a damn sick cycle carousel and I'm mentally and physically drained of trying to juggle my time. Everything I do just seems so damn wrong. I don't know what to do or say anymore. I'm almost this close to giving up but I won't because I know, this is something worth everything I am, everything.

My brain's calling out for a fag (I only smoke when I club now) and some good alcohol. Say hello to gloomy days ahead.

I haven't been sleeping much nor eating much the past few days because I just can't. Pills have become like some diet supplement. Because of the lack of sleep and my stomach pains, I pop pontans. Because of my inability to sleep, I pop flu tablets. My new motto in life should be "Just keep 'em popping". Time to pop the flu tablets and wake up in tears a few hours later.

"And I feel those tears once again"

This Is How A Heart Aches

I haven't felt so lousy in awhile. Okay, maybe I have but this time it was just a little too much to take. Mood's lousy, health's lousy, work was lousy, everything's lousy. Bottom line, Andrea's lousy.

My stomach was giving me the run for my money during work. Sharp pains as and when it felt that I wasn't having a bad day as it was already, demanding to be cleared of it contents (or whatever it wanted to clear since I barely ate) every now and then. I just want to rip my stomach and womb out and throw it away. Yes, I'm getting the occasional cramps as well. |:

Coupled with my lousy mood, work was just blearugh, like major. I attempted to take my mind off certain issues by keeping myself busy but it didn't work. I was just too damn distracted. My colleagues had to repeat themselves at least twice when they told me something until my manager strangled me and asked me what was wrong. At that moment, I was wishing he'd tightened his grip and strangle me to death, really.

And when I had totally nothing to do, I just stood and stoned into thin air. Listening to the bloody emo love songs the band were playing and feeling even lousier. I whined, complained and even snapped at some of my colleagues. I even rejected free food. Yes, I WAS FEELING THAT FUCKED UP.

Okay, I think 3 paragraphs of explanation is enough to let everyone see the point already.

I'm sure all of us, at one point or another has felt their heart ache, literally that is. I don't know how you describe that feeling but your heart just aches like your muscles (yes I do know that our hearts are made up of muscles). I don't mean anything along the medical conditions like heart burn or what not but a heart ache derived from disappoinment and sadness.

My heart ached so bad that I was on the verge of tears but I held them back as much as I could or my colleagues would start shooting questions. My heart still aches, I feel the emotional strings tugging harder and harder, determined to make my tears fall. But I won't cry, I haven't and I will not.

Am I really that horrible? Am I really that lousy? I know I'm not perfect but do I really have more flaws than regular people have? If the answers to all those questions are no, then why is it that I just can't seem to get anything right? Will someone tell me?

I've never felt so helpless for a long time. I feel like I'm slipping silently into the abyss of depression once again.

I could really do with a shot of Absinthe right now. No, make it 3 shots of Bacardi 151 since Absinthe isn't available in Singapore. (Bacardi 151 has 75% alcohol, so don't even think about Absinthe)

I need my happy pill. I miss my happy pill.

"Even if the world goes against me,
I'll be right here with you.
That's why, I'm saving all my love for you."

The Best Deceptions

Love, lies, sex and betrayal. These four are as different as night and day, yet there's a strike of similarity like peas in a pod.

It is utterly disgusting how some people can be so damn hypocritical. It irks me that there are such creatures (human is too good a word for them) living and breathing right next to us in our every day lives.

How do you love and fuck someone when all you get in return are lies and betrayal? How do you love and trust a friend when all you get in return are lies and betrayal? Yet again, it's one of those things that will go unanswered forever.

Ultimately, I pity the ones who are ignorant. Oblivious to the fact that the one they love, trust and protect with all the dignity they have as a friend or lover, is probably going to stab them right back at the end of everything.

Aren't we all victims of the game of love?

For now, I really pity you. Oh yes, I'm referring to you. Guess who? -smiles slyly to those who know who I'm referring to-

---

I think I've transformed into some horrible shopaholic and it's all thanks to the Weed. The week is only half over and she's got a Rip Curl long sleeved shirt and a pair of FCUK jeans and I've got a pair of Abercrombie jeans. Last week, I bought a red and white striped Zara bare backed top and Weed bought a Topman Polo. Like Oh My God, slap ourselves ten times.

Pay day's next week which will only mean, more shopping! -.- I need to exert some discipline.

I got to hug, feel, cuddle, kiss, hold, -insert everything mushy and disgusting- my choco baby earlier. We weren't supposed to meet until Friday night because we are both very busy and -ahem- important people BUT miracles do happen, especially with the ones you love. ((:

"Everytime I breathe, I take you in."

I Heart Zouk

It's May Day, in the Singaporean's context, Labour Day so it equates a public holiday which equates to clubbing on the eve (for me at least). Actually it was clubbing the whole damn weekend. Hur.

Friday - Weekly Char Kway Teow and Heineken opposite Zouk and then, We Love House with DjB & Flava with Andrew Chow @ Zouk with the Yong Tau Foo girlies.

Saturday - Hard Rock Cafe. Got high because ALL the Yong Tau Foo girlies (Except Seaweed and myself. Knn.) got their damn progress package -sour grapes- so Jo and Jie bought me a round of drink each and plus the drinks were lethal as usual.

Weed got well, let's just say she couldn't remember what embarrassing things she did which amused Jo SO MUCH. Psst Jo, send me that picture soon! -sticks tongue out at Weed-

Sunday - Dinner with godmum, godpa, EXTREMELY ADORABLE half Japanese god siblings, lil brat, mummy, mummy's boyfriend and Weed at Newton Circus.

I swear mummy and lil brat loves Weed more than they love me. Everything is Weed, weed, weed. What happened to blood is thicker than water?! -sulks- And I'm saying this with evidence. BUT it's okay. They love Weed because I love Weed as well.

Bounce with Andrew Chow and DJ Nervous @ Zouk with Bessy, Jo, Jie and Weed but it was the usual Heineken (no Char Kway Teow this time) session first.

Say HELLO to our Zouk Privilege Card and goodbye to invites. As such, the Yong Tau Foo girlies are such regulars at Zouk already. Now that we can all sign ourselves in and not worry about cover charge, I think we'll become permanent fixtures.

I really really <3 Zouk. LOL.

I AM A VERY HAPPY GIRL. ((:

"Voulez vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"

UOYSSIMI*

I last saw the Weed on my birthday which was 3 days; 72 hours; 4, 320 minutes; 259, 200 seconds, ago.

And despite the fact that she:

• Makes me cry all so often,
• Screams at me and call me names,
• Has disgustingly biased double standards,
• Wakes me up everyday so that I can talk to her online while she's in school,
• Assumes that I don't appreciate her,

I still miss her. In fact, I miss her very badly, like very very badly, like VERY VERY VERY badly. -double frown-

Another 12 hours to go before I get to see my Seaweed. -triple frown- I am going to go to bed right now so I'll get to see her in dreamland first.

Snowball misses Seaweed.


THIS BAD. ):


P.S. : She's not as evil as I portray her to be in this entry. In actual fact, she's a really sweet seaweed (Pun not intended). I just thought that I shouldn't praise her so much on my blog or her head will get too big for it's own good. You know I love you just the way you are.

"Heaven knows I'm falling for you, my sweet embrace."

Priorities

In the name of love, what's YOUR priority?

"There's no need to complicate our time is short.
This is our fate, i'm yours."

Linger

Spent the past two days home and I've had about enough of staying home because all I end up doing is eat, eat and eat even more. -mutters-

Staying at home really does me no good. I just end up feeling emo and fucked up with myself and probably the rest of the world. But I just can't help it, it's a feeling that lingers and refuses to go away. I need to get over that feeling because it's eating me up slowly, day by day.

With all honesty, life has never been better. I'm happy because I have loved ones who truly care and love me but something's just missing, just one thing. I'm not exactly sure what it is but I guess I'm just being Miss Abnegation; denial is just another method of running away from reality.

---

I'm getting sick of bumming around so I've launched into "job search" mode but it's not going well at all. I don't even know what I want to do exactly, so my options are rather open as long I still stay in the Hospitality & Tourism industry.

Quite a few people have suggested that I go into the "night life scene" since I'm working at Peranakan Place now, my biological clock goes so well with the working hours and it is part of the industry, but I hesitate because I am not willing to give up my personal night life, at least not just yet.

Can you imagine no Mambo or Bounce with Andrew on Wednesdays and no Flava with Andrew on Fridays?! I mean yes, I've toned down a lot in terms of clubbing but if I really do go into the night life, it would mean zero clubbing and I'm not ready for that.

"You know I'm such a fool for you
You've got me wrapped around your finger, ah
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to, do you have to let it linger"

The Big 2

It's 0630 and I'm still wide awake. Here's a rundown on my birthday weekend. (:

Saturday, 22nd April, 2030 hours.

Had a pre-celebration with the Yong Tau Foo girlies on Saturday. The girlies treated me to Nooch @ Paragon and bought me the cake I wanted from Bakerzinn! HRC with Jojo, Bessy and Jie after that. No pictures because I was just, well, too happy and forgot to take my camera out. -.-

Thank you girls for everything. The "surprise" birthday cake, although I kinda suspected something wasn't right like Zen said, but the cake really did come as a surprise eventually.

Sunday, 23rd April, 0400 hours.

Supper with Jie and then headed back to the Weed's. The moment we reached Weed's doorstep, she told me "Baby, you have to close your eyes and walk straight to my toilet.". What choice did I have but to follow instructions right?

If I were ever to go blind one day and I'd have to rely on her leading the way, I think I'll die within 3 days. She covered my eyes and I didn't peek one bit and ended up ramming into her toilet door. -.-

-0430 hours.
So I stayed in the suffocating toilet for about 10 - 15 minutes with absolutely nothing to do before she finally said that I could come out. Thank goodness I'm not claustrophobic or I would have died.

My lil one had tea light candles laid out all the way from the toilet to her living room, which all eventually led to this heart shape formed by more tea light candles and in the middle of the heart was a hand made card (because I always complain that she never makes anything) and MY LE COQ SPORTIF BALLET SHOES, AGNES B EDITION!

I blinked for two seconds not recognizing the shoes because I never knew that they had it in Black (the one I saw was white) and I couldn't believe that the KNN S$195 dream come true shoes were looking back at me.

Other than saying "Oh my God.", I was basically speechless and I still am speechless.

-2245 hours.
We were walking aimlessy in town when I needed the ladies so I "borrowed" Crown Prince Hotel's toilet. When I came out, she was no where to be seen so I called her. So she picked up and asked me to wait for her at wherever I was because she was talking to her friend. After awhile she came back and we continued walking around aimlessy.

-2330 hours.
She said she needed the toilet so we went to Specialist Centre then she started acting so damn strange with my Agnes B paper bag that contained my shoes after coming out from the toilet.

We continued walking and when we reached the "coffee shop" next to Meridien she told me, "Wait here, don't move" and I obediently rooted myself to the ground. A minute or two later, she returned and we continued walking then she suggested going to Istana Park. My immediate reaction was "Go there feed mosquitoes is it?!" but I obliged of course.

-2358 hours.
She suddenly jumped up and said, "I'll be right back" and started running off. My reaction this time was "Where are you going?! Its so quiet here what if I get raped?!" (I was just exaggerating of course). She hid in the corner doing whatever she had to do and made my back face her so I couldn't see.

- Sunday, 24th April, 0000 hours.

The moment I got my first birthday SMS at 12, she screamed asking if it was 12 and when I assured her it was, I turned around to see what she was up to this time. There was the lil one again, walking towards me with ice cream cake in her hands!

-1700 hours.
Travelled to the other end of Singapore, Woodlands to pick the lil one up from school and headed down town after.

Parklane wanton mee and Rochor beancurd. Totally heaven because I've been craving for both for the longest time already. Then we caught Eight Below at Cathay Picturehouse. The show's fantastic by the way, go catch it.

And I cried but only because the show was so dammit touching that I cried so technically, I got through my birthday without crying! (:

---

A huge thank you to all the well wishers. And yes, may my dreams come true. Haha.

An even bigger thank you to the lil one for making this birthday such a sweet saccharine one. For all the surprises that you went through so much to carry out, for all the time and effort searching high and low for the perfect present, for buying me my perfect pair of shoes, for all the love, hugs, misses, kisses and even tears and most of all, for just being you. ilu*

I have to say this one more time. I love my Seaweed many many!

This is how happy I am, (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((:

"And if I asked,
Would you say yes?
Would you?
I need to know."

19 +

The last 48 hours of being 19 years old was somewhat like a rollercoaster ride of emotions. I don't even know how to begin describing how I felt and how I feel now.

I spent an hour bawling like mad 3 hours before I turned 20. I just couldn't stop crying. I just called Jie and cried and cried and refusing to say anything else but cry for the first 10 minutes.

Just let me get through the next 18 hours without crying and it'll all be perfect for once. -crosses fingers and toes-

Happy 20th Birthday Andrea.

"Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you.

- I'm still waiting."

Asi Es Perfecto

0645 on a Saturday morning.
She's up wrapping her birthday present.
And she's up accompanying her to wrap her present.

She's tired and frustrated because she screwed her present up.
Her heart aches to see her tired.
Her heart aches knowing that she is doing all this for her.

I think they are the cutest couple alive. (:

"The things we do in the name of love."

Banana Pancakes

If any of you have seen me lately, you'd know I am pretty much beginning to resemble a panda. Exhaustion's taking a toll on my poor body. My throat's sore and I have this perpetual body ache. I swear it's a sign that I'm getting old. -frowns-

I need a massage. |:

Did opening half shift at Acid earlier. Just 4 hours of work and I'm seriously drained out. All just because I haven't been getting any proper rest.

I sleep at dawn everyday. At around 1000, I would awake a grumpy girl. Because of the KNN noise that is coming from the construction of God knows what. My neighbourhood is going through upgrading and I have to bear with all the noise till 2009.

I want to move house like now. Like let me sleep in peace, please.

My appetite the past week has been like crap too. I have an average of 1 tiny meal per day. Which means my bra doesn't fit again and I've gone down the scales by 2 kgs. I'm just too tired to eat.

So anyway, Acid was fully booked today. Of late, it seems that everyone is celebrating their birthday. There were 2 birthday celebrations complete with cakes. When I say cakes, I refer to the whole damn cake, not a slice.

I want that dark chocolate Bakerzin cake I saw in their catalog. Actually, I'm just craving for sweet nibbles (Read: Period's coming).

Celebrations with the Yong Tau Foo girlies tomorrow. ((:

"But baby, you hardly even notice
When I try to show you
this song It's meant to keep you
From doin' what you're supposed to
Like wakin' up too early
Maybe we could sleep in
I'll make you banana pancakes
Pretend like it's the weekend now

And we could pretend it all the time
Can't you see that it's just rainin'
There ain't no need to go outside"

Count

First things first.

The entry about getting Jie a birthday fuck was a God dammit joke. The only applicants were Bessy, Zen and Clair and we Yong Tau Foo girlies do not incest. They don't even qualify dammit. I can swear she did not get a birthday fuck because I slept NEXT to her (we were both drunk) and I can swear even if she was the last person on earth and if I'm KNN horny, I also won't fuck her.

---

Second things second.

Here is a poem the Da Jie of The Yong Tau Foo Girlies, Jojo wrote for me and I AM FORCED TO PUT IT UP ON MY BLOG.

Backside hair, the youngest of us all.
The one who skanks
and dresses like a minah lor.
So slim and tan,
So crazy a friend.
She claims she can drink,
but puked on her ring.
Acts so macho
but really so soft.
Like when she got sad
and crashed at cheryl's loft.
Seen her in her uniform?
She look so cuckoo!
Okok its kinda cute
and i still love you.

And I'm going to defend myself here. I do not dress like a minah so yes I skank but I AM NOT A MINAH. I can drink please, you know its a fact. Last night was cause I haven't been drinking and I didn't eat the whole damn day la. And I LOOK FINE IN MY UNIFORM DEH. -big sulk-

And here's the Weed's one. HAHAHA.

Spencer, my auntie.
Who I disliked at first sight.
I know that's prejudging
but it was my right.
Then Drea came along,
to change my heart.
Though your english is so cuckoo,
it makes me wanna fart.
You c-walk pretty good.
Though you can't drink for crap
but you're young and still got time,
cause practice makes perfect.
School has started so pay attention,
some lessons you can't learn in detention.
If you break Drea's heart,
do keep in mind,
your armani glasses will be mine.

So apparently only Armani glasses will be mine rhymes with Drea's heart. KNN. LOVE YOU LA JO. So fucking cute.

---

2 hung over sisters KTV-ed.
4 hours of emo songs.
I doubt there was a single happy song.

Jie, I'm sorry we spent your birthday being so God damn it emo. And you spent more than half of it listening to me rambling on the same topic but it was good spending quality time together. We haven't done things together (other than clubbing) for the longest time. I know the road ahead is tough but I'll be right here with you. -hugs you tight- Don't emo already la. You emo I even more emo.

I sang Jay Chou's Jie Kou 3 times.
And I cried, again.
The song is stuck in my head and is somewhat driving me nuts.
My head hurts so damn badly.
I'm still a little hung over.

I need my Ponstans.
Just 2 will do.
Then I need my flu tablets to make me sleep.
Maybe 4 will do the trick this time because 6 is too strong and I need to work.

So now I'll tell you why I'm really down on my luck.

I got followed home, AGAIN. This is the 4th time in my life. Twice when I was 16 and still living in Hougang. The other time recently when I was returning home after clubbing.

The story is really long and I'm no story telling mood but all I can say is I was so damn mother freaked out that I burst out in tears but thank God I'm safely home now.

I love you. You know I do. I will eat all those tissues and toilet paper with your tears and your nose poopoo. I love you that much.

"I miss you like CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY"

Gone In Every Context

Jie was right, I exploded, in the wrong way though. Breaking down is hard to do.

So Jie got drunk and so did Bessy and I. All because Bessy and I were helping her to finish up the damn lethal drinks (Sambucca Shots, Flaming Lambo, Tequila Pop, Waterfall and some pure alcohol crap) the Phunk Bar people were feeding her.

I drank half a Tequila Pop and 3/4 a Waterfall for her. All on an empty stomach. So smart Andrea.

I did not plan to get drunk because I hate puking and I'm having the hangover of the century. Plus, I was a horrible drunk last night, I couldn't stop crying. I guess alcohol and emotions don't go well together.

I'd like to thank Bel and Jo for taking care of me. Thank you both for being so patient when I was such a crying and puking wreck.

To Jie, I'm sorry you spent your birthday watching me cry like a total fucktard. I hope you had fun puking with me.

---

I don't know what went wrong. Everything just seems so dark, empty and incomplete.

2404 is fucking jinxed. I told all of you that over and over again but no one ever believes in me. I'll be working my entire birthday week away. That is if I ever make it alive to turn 20.

3rd year in a row I'll be spending my birthday without someone special. I'll survive. This year, I'm just going to stay home and stay in bed with the help of sleeping pills. At least that way, it won't be the 4th year in a row I spend my birthday crying like a fucking moron because I'll be asleep.

I'll be fine, or I think so. It's time to pop those pills so I can sleep in peace.

I'll be as strong as I can, I'll try. But if I fail, I'm sorry.

"So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely

Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring
What was it you wanted?
Could it be I'm haunted?

But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
Best I ever..."

Birthday Fcuk

This entry specially goes out to my Tau Kee Cow Shit Leong Jie.

She's turning 22 in less than 24 hours. -cougholdcough- So before we party, get drunk and get too busy, here's an advance entry.

Her birthday wish this year is to get a birthday fuck. The dirty task of searching for a birthday fuck for her has been given to Zen and myself so therefore, I am posting a personal ad on abnegation.blogspot just because I am sorta forced to. x:

I'm the pretty one on the right and she's the quite pretty one on the left.


She made me take down the previous picture I put (and put it up again) because she said she didn't look nice in it. So apparently, she's damn gorgeous here. -scuttles around frantically searching for a barf bag- She's the one on the right that looks like she has D cup boobies but in actual fact she's an A cup.

Name: Cheryl Leong C.S. (Cow Shit)
Age: 22 (So damn old please)
Occupation: NUS, Arts and Soci Undergrad majoring in Literature and Sociology (A horrible one at that)
Height: 158 cm (I'm making a wild estimation)
Weight: 45 kg (Again, estimation)
Vital Statistics: Average Singaporean girl boob size, pretty small waist and hips.
Achievements: FHM Girl Next Door Top 100 (Like WTF)

Qualifications to apply:

• Only Female Actives, Butches and Andros. The rest need not apply.
• Long fingers a must. -ahem-
• It doesn't matter if you don't look as good as Shane from The L Word, I mean once the lights are off and she's drunk (She'll be, trust me), all you need to do is to give her a good satisfying (shut her up about wanting to have sex till she finds a new gf) fuck and she'll be the happiest birthday girl.

Please leave a comment if interested or you can email her mama san aka me at blissy@gmail.com.

Thankyouverymuch. PLEASE HELP ME HOR. Spare me the "Where's my birthday fuck?!" tomorrow.

---

Jie, don't be angry okay? You know I love you and I'm VERY SURE this entry will make you smile. Maybe even tear because you'll be so damn touched (you'd better be). So you finally turn 22 and it also means it is time to grow up please. Sometimes I feel like I'm the Jie and you're the Mei not the other way around.

On a serious note now. My dearest Jie, no matter what happens (even if you don't get a birthday fuck), you know that you still have all the Yong Tau Foo girlies. Tau Pok, Tau Gay, Seaweed, Titty Jojo and Queen Snowball Miss Abnegation will stand by you. To many more drunk Yong Tau Foo nights. I love you silly girl. -big squishy hug and big big drooly wet kiss-

Happy 22nd Birthday!

I Live In Fear

It's just 6 more lousy dreadful weather days to go till I turn 20.

I read someone's blog entry. It was so sad yet the sweetness was overwhelming. I can picture myself relating to that entry, spot on and I'm scared.

I don't want to go through 24042006 without you.

I live in fear every second, every minute and everyday. Jie said I'll explode one day like someone we know, if I let myself continue this way. Jie also said I'll die (literally) if she leaves because she's never seen me so, for the lack of a better word, obsessed.

All I can say is, don't tell me about it because I don't want to know what will be left of me.

"When I open my eyes,
I see you.
When I close them,
I still see you."

What's Left Of Me

Responsibility is a word where it's a responsibility in itself. Boy do I detest the sight or sound of the word. Even breathing is a responsibility because you're responsible for keeping yourself alive.

I'm stuck in a situation where I just don't know what to do. Maybe I do know what to do but I'm just procrastinating like I've always been because I'm scared of the outcomes.

So I'm a scaredy cat. I'm just human like all of you. I've lost and found some in the past few months and now, I'm just too afraid to do anything because I'm scared of losing.

But in life, you lose some, you win some. There's a risk factor to everything we do, just depending on the magnitude.

All I know is, it's time to stop procrastinating and to take the leap of faith.

"I'm taking this leap of faith.
Hoping you'll be at the other side, when I get there.
Will you wait for me?"

That Girl Was Me Again

Wednesday, Thursday and Friday; Zouk, Zouk and Zouk. (((: I could have Zouk-ed 4 days in a row but I couldn't get The Crystal Ball's invites. ):

Saturday and Sunday; Around Marina Square and town to collect Weed's Emporio Armani spectacles, Agnes B top and my aviators that Lil Brat's boy bought me. Thank you Simon! (:

---

I tend to get depressed when my birthday approaches. It's just some strange dark cloud that beckons at this time of the year and I have evidence to back what I just said.

Tuesday, May 10th 2005; That Girl Was Me.

On Thursday morning, I was extremely depressed. I just couldn't stop bawling and all I wanted to do was sleep but insomnia kept me up. So I did what a depressed insomanic would do, I popped 6 flu tablets in hope it would put me to sleep and it worked. I slept for about 12 hours straight after that.

No I'm not mad. 50 pills didn't kill me so 6 flu pills definitely won't kill. Okay, so it was a lil crazy but see now why I'm not allowed sleeping pills because they actually can kill and I'm suicidal.

I suffered the after effects of course. I was super drowsy and there was this headache that was threatening to burst my brains, so I cancelled work. But I headed out eventually because I couldn't bear to stay at home, alone.

Earlier, I was walking around town alone, talking to Jie on the phone and crying. I could have sworn that I looked like a freak but I couldn't care less.

Today I burst out in tears thrice. Jie's conclusion is that I'm just feeling extremely emotional. My conclusion is that I just dread my damn birthday and I'm pms-ing.

7 more lousy days before I get over this annual crap.

---

On a brighter note, here's something that still puts a smile to my face when I think about it.

Scenario: On bus 111 from Esplanade passing Raffles City's Agnes B store.

Weed: Give me your hand.
Snow: Why? -gives her both hands-
Weed: Say goodbye to your Agnes B shoes la. -grabs one hand and waves outside the window-

I swore I didn't know whether to slap her or to hug her at that point of the time. Kns. -sticks tongue out at Weed- Why must you be so cute! (:

Randomness: I want to buy that pair of Agnes B shoes, I want to buy the Agnes B dog tag, I want the Agnes B couple rings (don't know for what fuck but ya), I want that Agnes B bracelet and I want to buy Weed her Agnes B key chain. I WANT TO BUY THE WHOLE AGNES B COLLECTION LA.

"You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime"

Lego Mania

I want this Lego necklace. (Click to view necklace) Like OMG please, it's so pretty! Black and gold! I know, I have a penchant for black and gold stuff.

The babe went down to Bugis yesterday while I was at work and informed me that the black and gold necklace I fancied at Icon wasn't there anymore. |: So I've set my eyes on this one! So damn gorgeous please.

Hmmm, I'm thinking of getting another Lego ring.

I'm called Lego Girl by some at work because of my ring. More Lego please. -chants: Lego, Lego, Lego-

On a random note, I haven't Zouk-ed on a Wednesday for like a month already and EVERYONE is going to be at Zouk later. Like Jie, Jojo, Ryl, Chy and Queky. All the loves of my life!

Not forgetting the biggest love of my life of course. ((:

P.S. I'm a happy girl today despite the fact that I am broke.

"Come on lets go, real slow
Don't you see baby, asi es perfecto"

Money Is The Root Of All Evil

Why do I have to go to work?
Because I need the money to support myself.
Why do I have to do a full shift at Alley Bar?
Because I can't choose where to work and I need the money.

I am trying very hard to convince myself that full shift at Alley later will turn out fine. I've had a bad experience there so I'm pretty freaked at the idea of working at Alley, much less a full shift. )):

I'm depressed and emo. I don't know if it's just PMS or it's just me.

Time to grow up, I'm turning 20 in 13 days. God, how I hate my birthday. It's just going to be like every other year, fucked up.

Going to give the 'Le Coq Sportif ballet shoes, Agnes B edition' a pass. Weed was right, it's not practical to pay S$195|- for them. Plus, it isn't as if S$195|- are within my means.

Am I that immature when it comes to monetary issues? I hate to admit that I'm in the wrong but I reckon some people are just right. Sigh. Money, hate it, love it, can't live without it.

I've told a few people that I don't want to grow up ever. I have responsibilities that I shouldn't be carrying at my age and I'm just tired. It's not easy being me but that's my life and I'll have to take it in my stride.

Go try supporting yourself the moment you graduate from Secondary School, you'll know what I mean.

"It's hard not to break down once in awhile."

A Material Girl's Wish List

Material Wish List:

1. Le Coq Sportif ballet shoes, Agnes B edition. $195|-
Went to look at the shoes today. Sigh. I really want them so bad. So so bad. Someone please be an angel and donate money to me. I need to have those shoes. It was love at first sight. I really honestly am in love with the shoes.
2. Gold & Black necklace. $27.90|-
It's just so damn pretty.
3. DKNY Be Delicious / Ralph Lauren Black / Ralph Lauren Blue for Men.
4. DKNY / Kenneth Cole watch.

*Just give me cash and I'll go shopping on my own.

Non-Material Wish List:

1. A job.
2. Mummy to stop working so hard.
3. My family back as it was 10 years ago.
Impossible but heck it. It's called a wish list for a reason.
4. All my loved ones to be happy and healthy.
5. You.

---

I've been a grouch the whole day because of the shoes. Sigh. I hope it doesn't become one of those, "I want it so badly but I just can't get it" things. I'm sick of being so broke. This always happens, it's like a damn sick carousel ride. Who's fault is it at the end of the day? That damn fucking asshole of a genetically related father I have.

Doesn't help that I saw this beautiful Gold and Black necklace at Icon, Bugis today. -frowns- I need money. Like real bad. I'm depressed. Why is it that I always get so damn emo during my birthday. It's seriously fucking jinxed. Like I am. I'm jinxed.

"I secretly wish for things to be like before despite the hate in me."

Burn That Hole In My Pocket

VAUNT! @ MoS
Message: FROM THE PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT YOU ROMP! @ ZOUK, here's another smashing party.

"Whoa, hold your horses! ALCOHOLIC & NON ALCOHOLIC together?"

Yeap! You heard it right here, FIRST EVER NATION WIDE ALCOHOLIC & NON ALCOHOLIC
party @ MOS on the 30th May 2006!

Styling competition's on! Who will be the hottest model? Who has the hottest and trendiest outfit? We will show you what's our PROJECT RUNWAY! With top prizes such as motorola hps, MP3 players and so much so much more, I can't even name them!

We have so many celebrities joining us maybe it's.. Kelly Poon? Denise Keller? or ...? and ... YOU GO SEE IT YOURSELF! Go crazy WITH THE CROWD!

REMEMBER ITS THE FIRST NATION WIDE EVENT!

PRESALES: $18(incl. 1 drink)
DOOR: $22 (incl.1drink!).
DONT WAIT AND BUY AT THE DOOR, COS WE HAVE LIMITED TICKETS, buy now and you will never be turn away to the hottest party ever.

ALSO, if you BUY NOW, you will get a limited edition of designed cashcard together with your
tickets! ONLY FOR FIRST 3,500!

There's so much more to this party, I can't divulge anymore...

So contact SJ at 92388874 for tickets!

PS: You really don't want to wait forever before you get your hands on them tickets, yo. :)

---

Monday; Singapore Zoological Gardens, Work at Rouge from 2200 - 0300.

Tuesday & Wednesday; Chalet with the gang. I love you guys!

Thursday; Work at Rouge from 2100 - 0300.

Friday; Work at Acid Bar from 1700 - 2100, Sisterly bonding with Jie at Coffee Bean, Boat Quay.

Saturday; Shopping in town, midnight JB madness, Momo at 0330.

Sunday; Shopping in City Hall.

I am so exhausted. This week is going to be just as crazy with two full shifts at Alley Bar. I need some time off to rest and relax. I know what I need, I need a holiday! |: Any sponsors?

So I just got my pay and I'm "proud" to announce that I'm broke already in less than 3 days. -slaps self real hard- All because of the evil temptation called shopping. ):

Here's a rundown on what seaweed and I bought over the weekend.
Seaweed: Agnes B long sleeves (this was the killer), aviators and Lacoste shoes.
Yours truly: 2 Topshop basic tops, 1 Topshop striped camisole and 2 Topshop thongs.

Don't ask me how much we spent in total because the numbers scares me. All I know now is I am broke and it is not good because deathday birthday is coming and I don't want to be broke during my deathday birthday!

So maybe this deathday birthday, you guys can just bao "Ang Bao" for me instead of giving me presents. Hur. Kidding. Deathday Birthday wish list in the next entry. (:

Oh, tomorrow we're going to continue shopping at Marina Square. I am determined not to get anything. Or maybe we shall just see how first huh? Heh.

Random note: I want the KNN Le Coq Sportif, Agnes B edition ballet shoes! I WANT I WANT! I'm going to get it NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES (even selling my worthless backside). WO YAO!

"Together, we fit perfectly like a jigsaw puzzle."

Busy Like A Bee

Short teeny entry because I'm dying from not blogging but I'm just too knackered to type a proper one.

Been really busy with work and chalet the past week thus it explains the lack of blogging. Don't worry, I'm still alive and kicking just dying from exhaustion. |:

Will update real soon. I know you blogders miss me, I miss entertaining genuine blogders and nosy blogders too.

I haven't even been online since the last entry. Appoinments with me have to be made a week in advance and no kidding about that. I'm that busy la.

Wish I wasn't so busy though cause I have to get my lazy ass down to getting a proper full time job to kick start my career. Actually I think I'm just procrastinating, I still want to play! Whee~ But I will because I want more moolah. x:

I'm tired and aching like a grandmother now. My bed and "chou chous" are calling out to me. Hur.

16 days till I turn 20. I DON'T WANT! )):

"I liked watching the sunrise with you by my side.
I'm gonna Stickwitu till the sun stops rising."

Oh Rainy Days

---

There's no more school and I'm barely working as it is but my schedule is packed 5 out of 7 days. I'm exhausted, I really am. I barely get enough rest and day after day, there's one commitment after another.

Emotions are in control but insecurity still creeps silently behind my back, giving me the occasional "Boo!" in the form of nightmares.

It's times like these where I feel like going on one of my MIA escapades. Especially on rainy days like these where I just want to sleep and never wake up till my prince charming kisses me awake, just like Sleeping Beauty.

-slaps self awake from day dreaming-

Reality is such, you can never run away from it, never. So on a very -ahem- random note, CONTEMPLATING SUICIDE IS NOT THE SOLUTION and you kukus know I'm speaking from experience. In fact, you get reality back in ten fold after you attempt suicide. (Read: Not commit because I'm still alive deh. I'll touch on how I got reality back in ten fold another time.)

So please, don't ever attempt/commit suicide. I'm not willing to do any hospital or funeral visits. Because it's stupid, yes I am stupid. So only I am allowed to be stupid again and only you guys can visit me at my wake or the hospital. It doesn't work vice versa okay?!

Sigh, emo. 20 days to jinx-ed day birthday. "Yay", I am so excited. -smiles weakly- Argh. Fuck cheebye.

---

This is happiness pill. One of the remaining few pills that keeps me alive.

"If I had one wish, you know what it would be."

Love Your Enemies, It'll Piss Them Off

I figured either some people managed to hack into this blog or whoever I gave the password to gave it out without my permission because I've been averaging a 700 hits since April 1st and another reason (which I will not mention).

Come on, think logically. During the first few days it was password protected, I was averaging about 25 hits a day. I don't check on my blog over the weekend and I end up with 200 more hits than before it was locked. What nonsense?!

I seriously wonder how you guys manage to do it because I know for a fact that some of the people who actually had my password were complaining about the length of it and some have trouble spelling it. Haha.

Plus I kinda lost my mojo to blog after I got it password protected. So since my life and I am so God damn interesting, I'll just take it in my stride. Maybe I'll be Xiaxue 2 and blog for a living. -shudders at thought-

Anyway, I'm tired and that's all I have to say today.

"I'll live my life, my way."