A Mother's Love

I'm a happy girl. -double beam- I have new pretty clothes to wear for CNY. -skips around-

As most would know, I rarely shop. I shop only during CNY and when I have the spare cash to (which is like never). That explains my happiness.

Now, let's see what I bought and how much I spent.

• Esprit Tee - $49.90
• Guess Tee - $49.90
• Zara Tee - $19.90
  
• Mango Halter - $16.90
• Levis Hangout - $139.90
• Undies - $10.00
  
• Total = $286.50

Somehow I'm glad that the Converse at Taka didn't have the Chuck Taylors I wanted because that would add another $59.90 to the total. I'll just buy it myself when I get my pay next month.

My sister fell for this pair of 3/4 denims at Guess that costs $179.90. She was planning on buying it with her own money but my mum dragged us both in and made my sister try it and she bought it without blinking. The power of a mother's love.

Mummy spent $500 in 2 hours. I'm starting to feel the pinch. Sigh. I swear I have the best mother on earth. She only bought 1 top from Zara for herself that costs a mere $20 and a shirt from Timberland for her boyfriend. All in all, she has spent $700 on her daughters' CNY clothes.

If you've realised, everything's branded. My mum's pretty brand conscious herself and that was how I was brought up. So brand conscious that when I was young, the sales girl at Guess Kids Forum knew my mum and would call her when new stock came in. My paternal side is wealthy which explains the money when I was younger but now no more paternal side but we're still happy.

Yes I am a spoilt brat. Believe me, my mum spoils me rotten.

I've been the worst daughter the past 1 year. I smoke like there's no tomorrow, I club like there's no tomorrow, I almost got myself kicked out in school (She had never needed to see my teachers until last year), I attempted suicide, I treated the house like a hotel when I was previously attached, I got myself a police case, I might be retaining another semester and the list goes on.

$700 can do a lot for my family. I'm not well to do, much less rich, this family's barely surviving with only her being the sole breadwinner. I know the money's been spent already so why am I still going on about regretting. I just want the world to know what a beautiful person my mother is. I owe her a lot. I'm even more determined than ever to achieve my dream career.

I LOVE YOU MUMMY!

`Spinning: Blackstreet - Don't Leave Me Girl

"Her blood runs in my veins"

Doctors Are Nonsense

Went to the doctor earlier. I've got 2 days of MC. No yay because there's no tutorial tomorrow and I don't go for TDP's lecture anyway. There's NAPFA though. I'm contemplating if I should go since I'm like so weak but I guess I'll just get the damn 2.4km done once and for all.

Note to self: Bring sweets everywhere I go in case I feel like fainting.

Speaking of fainting. I was walking to the doctor's just now and suddenly felt dizzy. Panic can! Cause I was alone. I don't want to faint in the streets man. Sheesh. But I didn't of course. Just stopped walking and squat-ed down.

Dr David Ong gave me a hell lots of medicine. I have a course of anti-biotics to complete, fever and muscle relaxant tablets, lozenges and some gargle for my sore throat. Anyway, I've been asked by SO MANY doctors to do an operation.

Don't worry. This op won't die one, I think. Haha. Its for my tonsils. I've been having tonsillitis for about 6 months already. I shall go inform my mother that another doctor has suggested that. I'm sick of hearing the same thing over and over when I go to the doctors. Though I really don't want to stay in the hospital again. Trust me, it's a torture. Especially when Tau Pok commented that I looked damn "cool" in the hospital clothes when she visited me last October. -.-

But but but. After tonsillitis op I get to eat ice cream. Haha. My soft spot. I love ice cream. I shall eat some later. :x

So doctor's orders are, EAT PORRIDGE, avoid heaty fried and spicy food, no alcohol, no smoking. He's mad la. Seriously nonsense. CNY reunion dinner is like what?! The day after tomorrow! No way I'm going to avoid those stuff. How can I miss out on pineapple tarts, tom yam steamboat, beer blah blah. Plus EAT PORRIDGE?! Hello? I swear he went off his rockers. Don't even think about asking me to stop smoking or drinking. You should have seen my face when he told me all those nonsense.

Oh oh. My kitchen is filled with cartons and cartons of beer and coke. -double beam- Yes I love beer. It's a wonder I do not have a beer belly now and that I'm not fat with all the coke.

I'm feeling really weak but I have to go meet my mum in town to do CNY shopping. I'm not done with that yet and plus, I hardly get to go out with my mum. Can't the shops come to me instead?

Okay la, I'm feeling a lil happier cause I'm going shopping later. Add on the fact that the money's not coming from my pockets. -skips around-

I hope I don't faint in town. Fuck, means I got to carry my medicine with me wherever I go. Fucking nonsense.

Yes Tofu, I will not eat ALL my medicine at one go. Haha. So silly.

p.s: e-Business is finished! I am so happy. I'm done with my CPM slides as well! Left with CPM presentation and CPM portfolio.

`Spinning: Ricky Martin feat. Daddy Yankee - Drop It On Me

"Take away the bitterness of medicine with your sweet smile"

Breaking Down Is Easy To Do

My body's lost it. One night of not sleeping and a day of high stress got to me. I'm hot at 40 degrees while I'm wearing a sweater because I'm freezing.

I feel like a bird flu stricken chicken. They produce bird flu stricken eggs leading to the recent hike in egg prices. In my case, I'm producing a F grade for TDP because I'm supposed to be in school presenting my project right now.

Say hello to TP for another semester for me.

You're wondering why am I not sleeping and blogging here instead. I still have to edit e-Business report and do my Powerpoint slides for CPM. I wish I could be sleeping the fever away. CNY is already going to be spent doing my Portfolio while visiting. I seriously don't have the time to do it now.

I'm this close to giving up. I think I've already failed HT Seminars and now TDP. Might as well fail everything and retain one semester. Maybe I should have deferred my studies like previously planned.

Stop telling me that I can do it because I have failed to do anything good the whole semester. I'm not giving up la fuck. I promised one million people in the hospital. Now I hate promises.

I so want to cry and release all the stress out but I just can't seem to. My tear glands seem to have died on me. Everything in my body's dying on me. I'm a walking corpse.

I hate school. I hate work. I hate promises I can't seem to fulfill.

This feels like October 2005 all over again.

Don't worry, my mum cleared all pills in the house. Fantastic right? Now I can't even take Panadol to keep the fever away. Maybe I should try the knife this time. Or maybe the window.

To the new readers:

• Don't try to be funny with me because I already have someone filing a civil claim against me for causing grievous hurt. I'm capable of anything when I lose my temper. Don't even think about trying.
• Yes I'm suicidal because I suffer from Insomnia and everyone refuses to give me sleeping pills because I overdosed on pills 3 months back. I do not suffer from depression but I suffer from anxiety. Ditto, they refuse to give me pills. (Which I think now is a good thing anyway)

Fuck la. I'm not going to die. Not because of the promises but because I still have a million and one things to do. Die also cannot die in peace. Fucking hell.

`Spinning: Jon B - Pretty Girl

"Never more alone"

This Is Why I Love Ms. Quek

Darling Ryl just told me a fantastic, fantabulous, piece of news.

And this is why I love Miss Quek Marilyn.

My Glam Queen is officially a SQ Stewardess! I am so damn fucking happy for you. So here's a congratulatory post for you.

You have done me so proud darling. Really. I told you that you'd make it remember? Always believe in yourself. Omg. I want a BIG HUG when I see you in school tomorrow. I LOVE MY GLAM QUEEN WITH VIP ACCESS. More VIP access please! SO LOVE!

This picture was taken about a year ago at Zouk. Sigh. I'm going to miss all of you when we graduate. I love you girl. ((:

---

*update: 0210 hours

Omfg. I just went to check my statistic counter for this blog because it hasn't been showing up. I almost fainted.

I've been averaging 1000 hits the past 5 days. Highest was 2000 plus hits. Who the fuck is reading my nonsense? Am I that entertaining with the excessive blogging or is my life really so dramatic or do people have nothing better to do?!

Show yourself if you're reading. I know the school mates, yong tau foo gang and basically people I know read my blog. Of course kpo bitches who want to bitch about me. But it doesn't justify 1000 odd hits! -faints-

Runaway

Before I start my entry, here another person that keeps me away from the hospital:

This Is Why I Love Miss Tong Min Jie Jacqueline

// `it's pure perfection *drea says:
Projects all done? Wanna help me to do?

JaccK says:
eh ?

// `it's pure perfection *drea says:
e-Business. You should be able to handle.

JaccK says:
okay, it's falls into my category

// `it's pure perfection *drea says:
Eh, do you remember what is web matrix?
// `it's pure perfection *drea says:
Thing is, I don't have my notes so how the fucking hell am I gg to do my project right. So fucking screwed can.

JaccK says:
web matrix?!
JaccK says:
erm, spiderman and the matrix come together?

I love you la Jac Tong. Fucking full of bullshit. When are we driving to MoS to watch people queue and then head down to Zouk with my invites again?! ((:

---

I keep screwing up. I know everyone thinks that my life is already back on track. I've been attending school, doing my work (though last minute), working and having fun at the same time.

The truth is always different. I haven't been attending school, missing out on my project meetings, doing my work really last minute. Sigh. I'm not even having fun.

My only explanation or "excuse"? I'm really exhausted. I guess my priorities got screwed up once again. Working the past few weeks has really gotten me exhausted. The weariness kicked in and lead to me falling sick. Now all I want to do is sleep and that's what I've been doing.

Before anyone starts screaming at me, I do realise my mistake (again). I'm going to give it one last shot in being a good student. I'm not working this week. If I do, I'll just drop dead from exhaustion.

Did I mentioned that I forgot today was Semester Paper Interview and I missed it. Fantastic Andrea.

I know the magnitude of the effects of screwing up. Trust me, its bad. I'm looking at another semester spent at TP. I'm going to fix whatever I can. Hopefully, I'll be fine.

So today, I'm staying home to complete all projects and what nonsense. Thank God for the extension for CPM Portfolio or I'll just die but I promise I will finish it before CNY is here so I can set out on my mission to collect as many Ang Baos as I can in peace.

Note to self:

• Spring clean room.
• CPM & TDP Appraisals.
• HT Seminars Reflection Paper (Extra Credit work for not turning up for the Edu Trip).
• CPM Portfolio.
• Compile e-Bus and email groupmates.
• Shop for CNY clothes.
• Converse Chuck Taylors
• Levis / Collage Faded Denims
• Revoltage Top (Tentative)
• Black Leather Belt
  
• Find a girlfriend. Hahaha. This group on my MSN (// affinity*) has been empty for too long.
  
  
  

I think that's about it. Everything to be done by Friday morning (except the last point). Back to work.

`Spinning: Billy Joel - Uptown Girl

"I want to keep running. Running away from reality"

This Is Why I Love Ms. Leong

This is why I love Miss Leong Cui Shan Cheryl:

// `it's pure perfection *drea says:
-poke-

she's hot says:
poke back

// `it's pure perfection *drea says:
-picks a poke fight-

she's hot says:
POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE

---

I'm planning a this is why I love [insert name] series. See what stress does to people. So come on, make Andrea smile today and she'll tell the world why she loves you. ROFL.

Player Or Escapist

I've realised a pattern with us humans of late or at least I've been seeing this happen one too many times to people around me.

It always starts off with a picture perfect couple, laughter under the rainbows and tender kisses under the starry night. Surely the plot thickens and the laughter and kisses dissolve into bitter hatred, ending the relationship. Leaving either party jaded and cynical about love.

Each and every individual is unique because we react to similar situations differently. Some though jaded, but deep down they know love will find its way and patience pays. Some numb the pain by drowning themselves in work, school or something to their interest. Whatever the choice is, aren't we all just trying to escape from harsh reality?

Thing now is, there are some who change completely after one failed relationship. Think 24/7 loyal and faithful girlfriend who gets cheated on. After getting over "the ex" whom cheated on her, she goes back into the dating scene again. One Night Stands, breaking hearts, changing girlfriends like its a daily affair, ending up with a whole throng of ex-es that prolly lasted 1 week each, you know, along those lines.

I never understood why people turn out like that. So do you pity or blame them for their actions? Pity them because they're probably the most vunerable deep down? Blame them for their irresponsibility? I have no idea either.

I guess it boils down to meeting the right one to get such people off the path of being labeled a player. Ask yourself now, which one are you guilty of? The player? The ex that lead to this? The fleeting scandals? Or even the one? I want to be the one.

I'm known to use my head and not my heart, told by many that I have a heart of steel when I deem fit. I've invested far more than I planned to but we can't control emotions, at least this time around, emotions got the better of me. I've fallen, fallen hard. I just hope this time round, you* will be there to catch me when I fall.

Enough blabbering already. I reckon its my PMS and cramps that's making me so emo. The whole entry is so damn incoherent and it doesn't even make sense. Aiya, fuck it. I like can? Its my blog anyway.

I'm willing to do all I can because I want to. The tight hugs and lips touched.

`Spinning: Des'ree - Kissing You

"Cause I don't know
where your journey goes
or how long it will take to unfold
But as long as we keep this moment shining in the dark
I will be watching over every beat of your heart"

I've Got This Special Kind Of Something

I was looking for something in my cupboard when something else caught my eye instead. Kavana's last album (excluding his best hits album), Instinct, before he retired from the entertainment business.

I was smitten with him back in Primary 5 or 6. I even remember going for the Lime Magazine's 1st Birthday Bash at Sparks Disco (Want to how Old School Ah Lian please) where he was the special guest when I was in Primary 6. Haha. But he's so fucking cute. I wonder what he looks like now.

Needless to say, the CD's spinning at the moment.

I'm crabby and stressed. e-Bus powerpoint slides and HT Seminars Portfolio to be done by 0900 later. Guess what? I haven't started. I should start calling myself Miss Procrastination instead of Miss Abnegation.

`Spinning: Kavana - Funky Love

"So baby tell me is it true,
That I was surely made for you?
If we both know it,
Why do we pretend?

Cause I spent my whole life just looking for this
I need no more (Cause I found you).
And I hope you don't mind if I fall, for you baby"

When We Touch, It Turns To Gold

Ain't the We Luv House invite card pretty? Brought home the extras. We ended up with 4 extra invites; admits 8.

As usual, no one was willing to We Luv House with me and we ended up at Phuture. If you know me well enough, you'd know that I'm more of a Zouk-ette than a Phuture babe. Phuture's just over rated with the damn crowd and the DJs always only play good music at around 0200.

I spent the first few hours at Phuture being Miss Cranky Bitch who refused to dance. It boiled down to the horrible music (What was with the excessive Reggae please) and perpetual drunks. Go figure.

I admit I haven't been in the best of moods. I've been quite crabby and demanding. Blame it on PMS and stress from school.

Next week's a hell of a week;
Monday - CPM & HT Seminars Portfolio due.
Wednesday - CPM & e-Business Presentation.
Thursday - TmDevPol Presentation.
Friday - e-Bus & CPM Portfolio due.

Save me.

---

Plans were to meet Tits, Tau Kee & Tau Pok in town to chill instead of clubbing. Yes we chilled alright, for fucking 1 hour and they decided to head to HRC. Next time, I'm not going to believe you guys when y'all tell me that y'all aren't going to club. -grumbles-

As usual, Tits got us hell lots of alcohol and then when I was all high, they "tricked" me into going to ONE. Knn.

I seriously didn't plan to club therefore it explained my attire. I was in my Guess Kids top, skirt, Havianas, white hairband and carrying my Crumpler. I swear I looked totally off.

Neither was I in the mood to club but alcohol fixed that problem. There's a reason why I'm such an alcoholic. It numbs everything.

Yes I was missing you. The only one thought throughout the night. I hope that it wasn't just me missing you.

`Spinning: Mario - How Could You

"It's pure perfection when we kiss"

January Babies

I've been so busy that I completely forgot about all the birthdays this month! -slaps forehead-

Ryna - Here's a belated wish dear, Happy Birthday! I can never ever remember your birthday please but the whole world is counting down with you la. Haha. Anyway, here's to being mad ass crazy ex KC-ians and soon to be ex TM girls. Love you.

Adah - I doubt you'd ever see this in your life but wth. Heard from Nick that you bloody drive a PINK car now. Haha. Anyway, I miss you terribly. How many more years do you want to remain MIA?! Happy 20th to you as well.

Sel - Darling! I'm sorry I couldn't message you Happy Birthday or give you a call or something. Lost my phone again. Anyway, yes I do remember I still owe you your 19th birthday present and now it includes 20th present! Blame Quek for being lazy okay?! Haha. Anyway, I hope you had a blast celebrating your birthday. I'll see you soon. Love you.

Janice - Hello horrible ex from hell. Lol. Anyway, Happy er 27th birthday! -sniggers-

Tofu - Happy birthday in advance my all so white Tofu! Remember to wear the watch I tell you or I'll smack you. Hur. Love and misses.

Yip - Hello! Haha. Don't know if you'd read this but wth. Happy birthday in advance to you as well. (:

Okay I'm done I think. So yes, Happy Birthday and this is your birthday present. A post on my blog. LOL -cheapo-

Judge Me Not

Judge me only if you are in the same situation as I am. If you are still happily taking allowance from your parents then don't think I have it easy because I DON'T.

I'm so exhausted. It feels like I'm back at square one.

You don't know ME.

I'veneverfeltmorealone.

---

*update: 0734 hours.

I'm still wide awake. Spent a total of 14 hours straight editing the CPM report. From com lab 2 to the benches outside LT 19 to the comfort of my house. I am so sick of CPM.

Charlene and I being the remaining 2 survivors decided to give up at 0430 because it was just too hard to edit a project together (that has so many details) when it was just 2 of us and we were both dozing off.

My eyes hurt and my back is aching.

I spent the past 2 hours or so chatting with Nick downstairs. Haha. She being the darling, drove over and we just sat around talking about everything. Thanks for everything dear. ((:

I finished a whole box of Pineapple tarts earlier. My only indulgence during CNY. I cannot resist pineapple tarts. Don't remind me how fattening it is because I just finish one whole bloody box. x:

So I'm crabby and depressed. The stress is really getting to me. Just one more month, just one more month.

Back to CPM. -screams-

`Spinning: St Germaine - So Flute

"And I can't be without you baby"

The Fainting Act

Guess what? I officially fainted for the first time. I'm not kidding here. Where? At Phuture. Want to how un-glam please. Sheesh.

Honestly, I don't know what happened. One minute I was just standing around texting on my handphone, the next minute I broke out in cold sweat and felt giddy. So I told Tau Pok and Tau Kee that I wanted to head outside for some air cause I wasn't feeling good. Took less than 5 steps and I fainted. Like *splat* face flat on the ground.

No I am not exaggerating. I reckon everyone must have figured that I was drunk or something but I only had like 2 glasses of Whiskey Dry and it takes more than 2 glasses to get me dead drunk to fall flat on the ground. I swear it was fucking freaky and scary.

So I sat outside Zouk for awhile trying to regain consciousness while Tau Kee ran to get water for me. After about 10 minutes or so, I was fine.

Here comes the "best" part. I dropped my (or rather Tau Pok's) phone somewhere, I don't know where. Must have been when I fainted. ARGH. Someone kill me please. So it just means, I'm totally uncontactable for at least 2 weeks. Argh. SLAP ME.

Thank God, CNY is just next week and I've already made plans to get a new line and a new phone once the CNY Ang Baos start rolling in. So yes, do not attempt to contact me cause all you'll get is the Starhub woman telling you that my phone is off and zero reply to your text messages (Save your 5 cents).

Anyway, I highly suspect that it's my low blood pressure working up again. Yes I do have low blood pressure, it's quite an unknown fact because I know Queky the best friend doesn't even know. I totally forgot about having low blood pressure until Marilyn mentioned it as a possible cause.

I guess I've been so busy that my body's really exhausted. The fainting act was a signal that it needed rest but I can't afford to take a good rest now. Projects due this week and next week. Then after CNY it's presentation week. Then study break and then exams. Sigh. I'm so looking forward to 23rd February 2006 (Thursday), 1630 hours. That's my unofficial graduation date and time.

Now I'm totally contemplating We Luv House tomorrow after what happened earlier. Project meeting at 1000 later then I'll have to leave early around 1600 because there's work at 1800. By the time I get home from work, it will prolly be 0500. It's quite a wonder my body took so long to retaliate at the amount of rest I give it.

Like I said before. It's a choice where I have no choice. Fuck. Did I mention I spent my pay already? I'm zero once again. I want to quit smoking. Who's going to help?

Told you I have a dramatic life. No wonder there's been at least 200 hits on my blog daily.

`Spinning: Eve featuring Drag On - Got What You Need

"I deserve better than a life like that"

Emo Rocks My Socks

Yes yes. Emo rocks my socks. So now I know it wasn't the alkie causing me to be emo early this morning. I'm just feeling emo.

Ya, blog my life away. That's what I do best. -mutters-

I've been trying to generate the recommendations part for CPM and nothing is coming out from my useless brain. It's just making me even more cranky.

Duhill Menthol Lights and We Luv House invites are looking back at me. Only thing cheering me up now. This time, I will only give the extra invites to who I want so don't bother asking unless I ask you.

Back to CPM. Argh.

`Spinning: Daniel Bedingfield - Wrap My Words Around You

"Only you put a smile on my face at times like these"

If I Ain't Got You

Met Tau Kee and Tau Gay for a nice girls night out earlier. LJS and CNY shopping at Far East. Then it was Cine and got Cookie Tofu for Tofu. We have one more thing in common besides the watch. (: Headed to Rouge after that. My alcohol tolerance has gone down major. 1 Heineken bottle and half a Lime Magarita got me high. -slaps self- Thanks for cheering me up girls, don't know what I'd do without my Tau Kee and Tau Gay. ((:

I'm feeling emo. Major. So much so I just want to cry.

Everything's just so fucked up.

Life now is just a rollercoaster ride just like Ashley said. At times, I'm over the moon, at other times I'm just so emo.

It's stupid how one person affects my entire mood. I really hate it. I do. Your damn answers are always so damn vague and ambiguous. What do you even mean when you say we're more than friends and then tell me at another time that what more can friends be. Totally feel like slapping you.

I don't even know whether to hate you or love you. Bottom line, I'm tired man. So much for trying to let go when somehow, you're holding me back.

I know it all doesn't make sense but that's how I feel now. I think its the alcohol. Nothing seems to make sense. I want to Mambo and Phuture my troubles away. I need to enjoy myself. Sigh.

I miss you once again.

`Spinning: Boyz II Men - Its So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday

"I'm sick of you playing with my heart"

Rumour Mill

Everything's fine now (Refer to the previous entry). I guess I just couldn't bring myself to lose my friend over something that wasn't exactly her fault. Yes you lied to me but you had your reasons and for those reasons, I forgive you. I still love you. ((:

Gave school a miss today again, 2nd day in a row. Argh. I shouldn't even have gone to work yesterday. The fever keeps coming and going, bloody indecisive bacteria. My throat is still all funny and I shouldn't have drank the damn alcohol because I'm beginning to sound like a toad croaking away.

Work's really draining me out. No amount of rest is sufficient. I know I shouldn't let it take over my life but some people do not have choices and I am one of them. All's good though, because at least I'm keeping myself low, away from all the nonsense that's happening now.

Tomorrow is Wednesday! If there is no Tourism Development Policies tutorial at 0900 on Thursday, that's it! I swear I will mambo! Fuck the indecisive fever. Haha. This would be my 4th week not mambo-ing if I don't mambo. I want my Square Rooms, I Should Be So Lucky and I heard a Rumour! -extremely mambo deprived-

Sorry for the deviation there. Got myself a lil too excited. Heh. So yes, where were we? Oh the rumour mill.

I seriously do not understand why people go around twisting facts and actually relish in doing that repeatedly. Seriously. My final conclusion is that, you're really sad. Instead of hating or despising you, I pity you instead.

I know it doesn't make sense to most people reading this but some would know who and what I'm referring to. I'm so tempted to publish names on my blog but of course I won't. Really, because such people deserve some public shame once in awhile.

Bloody lesbians. Fucking KC bitches. Put both together and you get a bloody fucking KC lesbian bitch. Go figure.

Heading to the doctor's now. Like finally. I can't take it anymore. Bahh.

p.s. I do realise I'm from KC and queer at that.

`Spinning: Corrinne May - Free

"Murder she wrote"

The Honesty That Never Came

My stomach is playing games with me. Been having this tummy ache since 2200 and it still hurts now. Argh.

Anyway, met Tofu in town for dinner before work. I swear I ate so much and I think it has something to do with my stomachache. Pasta at Pastamania, Tori Q, Gelato (Courtesy of Ashley. Thanks dear!) and LJS fries all in 3 hours. Oh, I just had a McChicken for supper as well.

Work was rather interesting today. The cashier system at Island Bar was down so instead of 1 there were 2 cashiers (Lindy & I) at Bar Rouge. In the beginning, we were so free that we went for so many smoke breaks cause today "no government" (Manager off). Haha. And since it was 2 of us, closing was exceptionally smooth and fast.

Then I have no idea why but customers bought one of the bartenders so many drinks that we had to help him finish them. Vodka Redbull, Bourbon Coke and Bourbon Dry. All bloody potent. Slight headache now. Sheesh. The bartender was high by the end of the night. Haha.

---

Those who know me well would know that I despise liars. Seriously, who doesn't? The thing with me is that, I bear grudges and that's one thing I do not deny. I can name a whole list of people whom I hold grudges against but you're one person I'd never expect to be on that list.

After almost 4 years of friendship, I cannot believe that you chose to hide the truth from me when I already knew the truth. Here I was patiently waiting for you to break the silence and instead, you told me a lie.

I told you before. I don't give a shit about her. She can go die for all I care much less what you do with her. I don't care who's opinion you seeked that suggested that I would be upset because truth is, I wouldn't. You should know me better than those who suggested those opinions.

Eventually, I would find out the truth because the moment you guys were getting it on, I already knew and I was anything but angry. In fact, I was still laughing about it. What makes you think I wouldn't find out about the later events? People see what you do and people talk and I so happen to have ears and eyes around.

I'm disappointed. Utterly disappointed. Beyond disappointed. So disappointed that I don't even want to say anything anymore. I am able to forgive you but this is a grudge I will hold. No amount of sorries will dissolve the grudge because that's who I am and I won't change it. Period.

"The saying goes, Rainbows after the storm. I say it's fucking bullshit."

Mind Trick

I hate my life. Wait, what fucking life?

I'm just going to drown myself in school and work. Don't bother asking me out anymore. As of now, I am cancelling all appoinments made previously.

I'm so sick of this.

If you think I'm kidding, two words for you. Fuck off.

`Spinning: Moloko - Sing It Back

"Music plays a mind trick, watch me forget about missing you"

Strolling Along The Dark Alleys

Dateline for HT Seminars portfolio has been extended till next Tuesday! I'm so relieved that Mr. Lim realised our need for the extension. At least instead of 3 submissions this week, there will be only 2. Too bad the extension came one day too late if not I'd be able to work on Tuesday. There goes my moolah. |:

The Yong Tau Foo gang went down to HRC and then ONE while I was happily making mistakes at work. I swear I'm getting extremely careless by the day. Its okay, I'm clubbing next Saturday. Feel like Zouk. Haven't been there for almost a month already. |:

Finally had the time to go out proper for the 2nd time this year on Friday. I swear I have have no life but school and work now.

Met Tofu after school and headed straight for Mustafa. Haha. Went there to search for my watch and I found it! I'm loving it! -double beam- Wait, I shall say it Marilyn style, "So love". LOL. Bought Tofu her birthday present as well. Saved me from wrecking my pea brain on what to buy her. Hur. I hope you like your first birthday present! ((:

Once we were done, we went down to Chinatown to squeeze and "quay sio" with the people there. It was hell crowded given that Friday was the first time it wasn't raining in 2006.

Though we were right smack in Chinatown with all the excitement and buzz of CNY oozing out of every nook and cranny of the streets, I just didn't feel as if CNY is approaching. I reckon cause I was tired (2 hours of sleep the night before) and there's just so many things going on in my head now. Add on the fact that crowds get me cranky and annoyed, I guess the mood just wasn't there. Nevertheless, I had fun. Its been years since I went down to Chinatown during the CNY period.

Parked ourselves at some bench because I was tired and we were waiting for Tofu's parents for "dinner". Tofu, now I see where you get that nonsensical humour from. Apparently it runs in your blood. So cute la Tofu's parents. Haha.

We were supposed to meet Tau Kee, Uncle Toby and Tau Gay at Holland Village for Wala wala but the stupid Tau Kee flew our kite. -mutters- We're so going down to Walas soon because I haven't been there in the longest time!

So with entirely no plans, we decided to head to town and then figure something out. Both of us being greedy and craving for ice cream, we had ice cream at Orange Julius. Epitome of bliss I tell you. Haha.

Tau Gay then asked us to head to Paulaners but we were both (or rather Tofu) were lazy to travel down to Suntec. After much procrastination, we decided on Rouge. Haha.

Had some trouble getting Tofu in because she's under 21 (as if I'm 21 but I work there so there you go) but it boiled down to the puppy look. Lol. The head of security joked with me earlier that as a punishment, I have to go on a dinner date with him. Haha.

The place was pretty packed and the music wasn't too bad I think. -looks at Tofu- John Molina wasn't as good though, don't know why.

Kak Na bought me a jug of Whiskey Dry, of which I finished 4/5 of it because Tofu didn't want to drink. I swear the alcohol at Rouge is damn potent, a customer even said that to me today. Sheesh. Then I bought a bottle of Heineken (I love staff benefits) and Mark insisted I have a drink on him before I left. So I asked for 2 Tequila shots so Tofu couldn't reject. Hehe.

65M-ed home and I overslept like major. I was damn tired please. In the end, had to cab back because I was near Queky's and that's pretty far. Waste my money. Pui!

We have to do this more often Tofu, I had so much fun despite being tired. Thanks dear. Love.

Okay, its 0715 on a cloudy Sunday morning, time for me to sleep and then wake up to write my recommendations for CPM. 2 more weeks of the damn projects. Good morning beautiful Singapore.

`Spinning: Ciara - 1, 2 Step

"Girl you should make me your selection"

The Path of Deviation

Today at work, I realised how much weight I have lost. It is significantly a lot because my bra's a lil too loose for me now and it was previously just nice (The girls would understand what I mean). Don't ask me how I do it cause I'm tired of answering that question. It just boils down to stress and status quo.

Work was a lil boring but God bless John Molina, I swear he's damn entertaining. He was rambling on about being "international" and to prove his point he sang a Chinese song by Andy Lau and a Malay song by Siti Nurhaliza (Excuse me if I spell her name incorrectly), changing the lyrics on purpose while singing.

Everyone (Both guests and staff) then urged him to sing an Indian song to solidify what he said about being "international" Guess what he sang? The bugger sang the nursery rhyme, "10 Little Indians!" -rolls eyes and dies laughing- Enough about John Molina.

Sometimes in life, we deviate from our normal routine and practices. For me, I've always been the straight forward and will only embark on something knowing that I can achieve it. Of late, this hasn't been the case.

I do not understand why in the world am I so damn smitten with her. I seriously don't know. I'm already so physically and mentally worn out by school, work and the police case and now, matters of the heart is just adding to my strain.

All I know now is, I'm tired, really tired of it all. Its high time I get out of it. Problem is, I don't know how I am going to go around doing it or even if I can do it. Sigh. If only we humans weren't so complex.

`Spinning: Joan Jett & The Blackhearts - I Hate Myself For Loving You

"Weep not for the memories"

Romance Died, Next Please

I'm so tired. I have yet to sleep since yesterday. I so want to head straight to bed to sleep then wake up at 0700 tomorrow for TmDevPol tutorial but I can't. There's still CPM project recommendations and the long overdue HT Seminars's reflection paper to write. I am really exhausted.

Ended the HT Seminars's semester paper with 1,400 words. 100 words short of my target but that was the best I could do. Oh well, its quality not quantity anyway. -attempts some form of self consolation-

Anyway, here's a MEME that I got tagged by Charmayne that is long overdue:

5 Weird Facts

1. I have a phobia of octopus, squids and jelly fishes. Their tentacles freak me out. Don't ask. Laugh all you want but I'm dead serious here. On the contrary, I love Spiders.

2. I always end up falling for people who irritate and tease me.

3. I am extremely anal about my lecture notes and text books. Basically anything school related. (I hate people doodling or writing nonsense on them.)

4. I hate seeing or feeling people shaking their legs. I can feel it even when they are sitting behind me.

5. I am not a romantic. I dislikes flowers, hand written poems and songs. I find them extremely cheesy, amusing and not to mention gross.

Let's play tag:

1. Cheryl Leong
2. Cheryl Chan
3. Zen
4. Queky
5. Denise

---

Leong and I had this conversation about our lives not too long ago. After sometime we came to a conclusion that she has a dramatic love life and I have a dramatic life in general. So dramatic that we're planning to get a script writer and write it into a drama serial for Mediacorp. Kidding.

My love life has never been "dramatic" in any sort or other because I've always believed in monogamy even when I'm single. I know you must be wondering how does one stay monogamous when one is single right? Simple. Even when I am single, I only like 1 person at a time. Suddenly overnight, everything changed. My love life is getting a tad bit too "exciting" for me to handle.

Usually when people are single, they tend to have a few love interests here and there to "keep their options open". It is perfectly normal and politically correct to do so. So like any other "bachelorette", I decided to "keep my options open" and I plead guilty to having a few crushes but ultimately there is only 1 person that I like.

But what happens when instead of liking 1 person, I end up liking 2?

Actually one's more of a crush than really liking. Just that the former is just so ambigious and I'm getting impatient. Argh.

Problem now is, I'm confused. Should I follow my head or my heart? Or should I just wait and see what happens? But what if I'm sick of waiting for things to happen (I am impatient)? Or maybe I do actually know who I want but am afraid of the consequences?

Love is nonsense. Serious nonsense.

`Spinning: Jesse Mccartney - She's No You

"I'm almost done with you. Next please."