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abnegation; self-denial
abnegate/abnigayt/ • verb formal renounce or reject (something desired or valuable). Source: www.askoxford.com |
the lady
 Andrea / Drea 24th April 1986 Taurean Fire Tiger |
the continuous chain
archives
| Sunday, October 18, 2009
FML •
While a quarter of my generation of Singaporeans is busy queueing outside Zouk for Paul Van Dyk, here is yours truly, taking a break from mugging. MEHHHHHH. -grumbles, mumbles and whines-These are the reasons why exams have officially fucked my life and why I'm officially fucked for exams: 1. PVD is in town and I am stuck at home mugging. 2. My study schedule for this weekend consisted of 6 solid hours on Employment Relations, of which, I've fulfilled 30 minutes of. 3. My sweetest and dearest Grandma was hospitalised on Saturday morning which sent the entire family (All 40 plus of us; Yes I have a huge family) into a maniac panic. 4. Saturday and Sunday burnt at hospital taking care of Grandma, thus no studying done (see point 2). 5. Officially have 1 week left to study and I've practically done.....nothing. 6. I'm craving steamboat like crazy but have no time for long meals till exams are over. 7. Singapore releases New Moon a fucking week later as compared to Malaysia which releases it on the 23rd of Oct. My plans for taking a road trip to JB to catch New Moon are officially screwed over. 8. My plans to dress up as Cat Woman for Halloween are also royally fucked. 9. Plan tonight was to catch up on whatever mugging I've missed out over the weekend but believe it or not, hospitals are mentally and physically draining, my eyes are threatening to close as I type. To summarise, exams fucked my life and I'm fucked for exams. Additionally I would like to say that, anyone who asks me out before my exams are over, CAN GO AND DIE. And, if you don't like this, BITE ME. `Spinning: Dave Armstrong & Redroche Feat H-Boogie - Love Has Gone Tuesday, September 22, 2009
When Everything Becomes Nothing •
If I say I'm exhausted right now, it is pretty much an understatement. As I type, I am about to rip all of my hair out, stab myself in the throat and throw myself off this building. GAHHHHHHHHH.Yes, I am extremely stressed out and just plain exhausted. This exhaustion is also making me fall sick. Migraines and headaches have been haunting me like a leech. -goes on and on and on- WoW is starting to feel like a commitment not a game anymore. I think it's the officer effect. Responsibilities oh responsibilities. Well, at least I'll be on break from it when exams come and when Silly and myself take a well deserved holiday after my exams. Last assignment before the 1 month study break then exams then HOLIDAYS. Fuck why won't time pass faster already. I don't have time for anything at all. Starting to feel a little suffocated. Need a manicure, pedicure, waxing, threading, shopping and the list goes on. Must.hang.in.there. On the upside, Tong tong is back this weekend! YAY! Can't wait to hang out with Silly, Tong and the Ninis, doing absolutely nothing but chugging down alcohol, gossiping till dawn breaks and just, doing nothing. BELIEVE IT OR NOT I ACTUALLY MISS DOING NOTHING. FML. `Spinning: Haji & Emanuel Ft. Beverley Knight & Bryan Chambers - The Pressure Tuesday, September 08, 2009
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September 2009; Time really flies doesn't it? In about another month's time, I'll be done with the first semester. For now, the hectic schedule has calmed down a little, still busy like anything but at least I am able to stop once in a while and take a breather. I'm trying to imagine what it would be like in Semester 3 and 4. -shudders at thought- And for the first time ever, I have thoughts about leaving this blog and moving over to Tumblr, what say you? Maybe sometimes, we all just need a fresh start. On a side note, I'm craving for ice cream. Omnomnomnom. `Spinning: Fonzerelli - Spirit (Wanna stay here forever) Friday, August 14, 2009
Diamond In The Rough •
Exhausted is pretty much an understatement right now. My lack of absence here does really reflect that huh?School's been crazy crazy busy even though I only have 4 days of school each week, 3 hours each time. But it's really crazy enough especially since this week till God only knows when, probably till school term ends. While writing my topic paper for History of Management Thought yesterday, it dawned on me how rusty I am when it comes to writing "proper" stuff. It's been what? A good 3 years since I've left polytechnic, and yes, the 3 years have rekindled the bitter sweet memories of late night studying, last minute rushing to complete an assignment. In these 3 years, I forgot how much I enjoyed writing and researching for projects as much as I complain about them. The amount of pride and joy when I know, I have done my best as I have could.Of course, there's the examinable/testable components where after 3 years, I still absolutely dread and loath. I am stressed, but unbelievably happy. It definitely helps when you have the sweetest girlfriend in the world. The one who willingly burnt her weekends with me at the Lee Kong Chian Reference Library, pouring over countless books, assisting the IT idiot me with the photocopy machine and being the friendly sunshine she is and making friends with the librarian (It paid off because the librarian kept an eye out for a book that I was desperate for). With that said, you're my diamond in the rough, the one I've been waiting for. (: "Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night `Spinning: Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Gold Rush •
Well hello, it is a Tuesday again after all which means WoW is down yada yada therefore, I am here. Bank loan has finally gotten through and to be honest, I am completely relived. -dramatic wipe sweat off brows- Been so damn stressed about it recently resulting in major PMS. Shush. This also means, starting 1st July, I'm back being a student. Wooohooo~ Now the next stress inducing issue is looking for a part time job. Sighs. Any lobang anyone? So it's mid June already and The Great Singapore Sale is in it's full swing and I am guilty as charged (even though I didn't pay for anything personally). At the IT/PC Fair, mummy bought me a new desktop! Yes, I now have my own WoW account and computer to play with. -beams- Additionally, we FINALLY got cable TV and I renewed my Starhub contract for a new phone! Hahahaha. Plus plus, mummy bought me a real gold ring a couple days ago when we went shopping for jewelery for someone. On a WoW note (I can see a lot of people skipping this paragraph entirely already. Hahaha), Silly and I got promoted to Raiders which means for 16 hours (4 hours each raid), 4 nights a week we are both busy raiding. Yes, it's almost like a full time job on it's own. ROFL. Oh my happy days, happy things. `Spinning: Ying Yang Twins Feat. Pitbull - Shake Monday, June 01, 2009
Love Me Or Not •
I'm angry, I'm tired, I'm upset and I don't want to care anymore.Yes I wear my heart on my sleeves thus, every emotion of mine shows. I can put on my poker face and lie when it's necessary but generally I am unable to because guilt overcomes me. I swear incessantly, I smoke, I drink, I'm a complete sloth/slob, I can be extremely bitchy and arrogant if I want to, I'm sensitive, I have suicidal thoughts, I'm insensitive, I'm selfish, I'm vain and a complete useless piece of human crap. *edit: Oh I forgot to add, I don't know when to keep my fucking mouth shut. So yes, I have my shortcomings, I'm not perfect, I never said I was. I make mistakes like every single one of you. According to God, I'm definitely going to hell. Well, so be it. I'm exhausted by all these shit, really I am. One thing for sure, I never did anything against my conscience. I may regret some of my decisions but what's done cannot be undone. For those whom I have wronged in any way, I am sorry, I really am. If you are unable to accept my apology then I don't know what else to do. When it comes to friends, I have done nothing against any single one of you, just to gain anything but the friendship. If I'm deemed as unworthy as a friend, that's your call too. I'm tired of struggling with such things. I give up, you guys win okay? I'm the bitch. The end. Zen is right. They say, fuck the truth but the truth usually fucks you. I never knew I was such a horrible friend. `Spinning: Corrinne May - Everything In It's Time Thursday, May 28, 2009
Morality •
Previously everything in life was pretty much fine and dandy, then in my usual "have to create some drama and fuck my own life up" style, I created drama and fucked my own life up.Since ending Saturday night in a complete emotional break down Jo and Silly, I finally know how shit fucked up you guys felt when you were put in the position of having to choose between doing what you felt was right and doing what was morally wrong. Yes I know, my morals in the first place aren't exactly saint like. For one, I'm lesbian. Completely against the law of nature and yada yada, what have you. I've been going around the house the past few days in a daze. In fact, I didn't even dare to come online. It completely doesn't help that I do not have access to WoW. To me, WoW's an escape to reality and yes, I'm a neurotic closet nerd cum hermit who goes to the library weekly and play World of Warcraft, so fuck you if you don't like it. Oh yes, depression coupled with impending PMS (Am drinking Coke for breakfast, go figure). Sleeping hours completely fucked upside down, back to square one situation. Which explains this entry at this hour, yes I haven't slept. When I do sleep, I fall into the strangest dreams, waking up abruptly 4-6 hours later, feeling the guilt and regret. It's always too late to regret. Apologies at this point of time, are completely useless as well. I'm in a complete state of loss. I have had my fair share of betrayal, lies and hurt for a lifetime. And I am sick of it. To me, honesty has always been the best policy but truth is, the truth hurts. It hurts so damn fucking badly. And sometimes, people just don't want to hear the truth. All I can say now is, I'm sorry, I really am. I just hope that the past 6 years of friendship, will not go down to the drain like that. I know, I deserve it, but, you're one person, I don't want to lose. I admit, it was not my place to say or do anything and it's my fault. I don't blame you for being upset with me. I just truly hope, you see that, I did what I did because I love you. As cliche as it sounds, I wanted the best for you. It wasn't the best way to show my love for you nor was it my place to get invovled. Maybe one day, you'll forgive me, maybe you won't, I don't know, but for now, I'm sorry and I love you. Lesson of the day: Learn when to shut your damn bloody mouth. `Spinning: Jack Rokka VS Betty Boo - Take Off |