The Old Best Friend

-ahem- Today, I proudly announce that my best friend of 5 years turns 20 years old. -chuckles-

Dearest Quekypoo,

Thank you for the continuous support, care, concern and understanding for the past 5 years. You've been the most wonderful best friend and -ahem- ex-gf that anyone could ever have. This friendship has been through both its good times and bad times. Thank you for being there to share my happiness, to lend a listening ear at 0300 hours in the morning and to drop everything to meet me when I need you. I hope you have "enjoyed" the past 5 years of friendship as much as I have.

Today, you turn 20. HAHA. No more a teen. Then again, its my turn next year. -mumbles- So anyway, it's time to grow up already you lil kiddo. I'm always here for you and will support your decisions (even though when I know it's a wrong decision) no matter what. I love you Quekypoo!

Happy 20th Birthday!

Epitome of Kiasu-ism

Yesterday was the Chan Brother's 40th Anniversary Fabulous Travel Fair II. Though I was not obliged to work, I "volunteered" my services anyhow. Firstly it was not as if I wasn't getting paid, secondly, I thought it would be quite an interesting experience (which was) and thirdly, I would have more things to say in my next e-Journal.

On a beautiful Sunday morning when I should be sleeping soundly like "The Princess and the Pea", I grudgingly woke up at 0715 and dragged myself to Suntec Convention Centre. Okay, I'm digressing and telling some long grandmother story.

So anyway, the fair started at 1000 and when I got there at 0900, there was already a small stream of people wandering outside the exhibition hall. Finally, the doors were opened to the public and there was a mad rush of people. Seriously, they all take their queue numbers outside the exhibition hall, so does it really matter if you're the first one inside the hall?! That was just the beginning.

I was stationed at the Redemption Counter with the rest of the Marcoms department in charge of checking the number of free gifts the customers were entitled to. There were goodie bags for the first 1000 bookings made and also free Burger King breakfast for bookings made from 1000 to 1140.

Of course there were people who bugged us for the Burger King breakfast even till the evening, those who were asking why there weren't anymore goodie bags. Hello?! Cause they have been fully redeemed! Then those who kept asking if there was anything they could redeem even if they didn't make any bookings. -.-

The terror of them all? Those who couldn't redeem anything because they didn't make any bookings, asking for plastic bags and packets of tissue paper and then walking off with glee. I wanted to slap their faces!

There is actually a lot more to tell but I just don't know how to put them into words. Or rather I'm just too tired. Bottom line, the kiasu-ism of Singaporeans is fucking disgusting and it puts me to shame to call myself a Singaporean when I think of the kiasu lot.

"Ironically, its you"

Spinning Around

My head still hurts and my throat is still sore. Its been one full week of sore throat and headaches. Even Ponstans and Lozenges aren't helping. *whines.

It has also been 1 week since I got fired. Yes yes, I got fired from my previous internship company. Not going into details but I un-officially failed my internship and un-officially got kicked out of school. But, don't worry. Everything is back on track. 2nd chance given and I'll be with Chan Brothers from tomorrow till the first week of November. Which reminds me I better go to church and give thanks this Sunday or something.

I was so stoned the day I got fired. Mind was blank and I just couldn't think. Head hurt like crap and what nonsense. What I remember vividly would be crying the whole day.

Met the gf at Good Shephard Cathedral for mass after spending my final 8 hours of work crying. It was Day of Assumption if I didn't recall wrongly. Mass was good, brought back many memories of the good old KC days when we had mass in the squeezy hall, which eventually made me tear.

The day after I was basically in a daze, walking around the house like some zombie. Wednesday came and I headed to Chinablack with Ryl, Marilyn and Quek. Yeah, you must be thinking "still got the mood to club huh". I just needed to get out of the house and some alcohol.

Met our HTM Course Manager, Ms. Choi together with Ms. Ivy Tan and of course my mother. Again, I couldn't stop crying. I literally spent the whole of last week crying. Maybe that explains the persistant headache. Or maybe I've got some tumour of sorts in my brain. Yes I'm a cynical bitch, so slap me.

Actually, I'm back on campus now. As in I'm typing this in Lab 6. Haha. The lab smells the same (there's this TP Business school lab smell) and it is still freezing cold. A couple of HTM freshies had me do a survey for them. I swear the survey is atrocious. Who am I to criticise their command of the language when I'm all incoherent and what not but they can't even number their survey in running order. *slaps forehead.

I'm getting an even bigger headache thinking of what to write in e-Journal 3. What? I screwed up so yay. Fuck shitters. Which reminds me I better get down to it or I'll be stuck here till 2200.

So anyway, I'm fine. Just trying pick up the broken pieces and fix it back. Handphone line and internet connection got cut so don't bother to contact me till prolly next month when my mum pays the bills. If you have to get in touch with me urgently, ask my best friend. If you don't know who my best friend is, then I suggest you don't even bother cause I'm sure its nothing important.

p.s. this entry is incoherent and I can't even be bothered to check for grammatical mistakes and what not. so please excuse yourself.

"Like a broken porcelain doll"

When All Falls Down

Have you ever screwed up so badly that you feel like murdering yourself? Do you blame yourself? Or do you blame your destiny?

Never in my life have I screwed up so badly. Not once. I've always been the daughter that my family doesn't need to worried about, education wise. I'm no honors student, nor do I score distinctions but I do relatively well enough to pass and get into a proper decent course like Tourism.

I saw this coming but was obviously living in denial. The truth hurts. Everything seems so meaningless now. As much as I used to complain about school, the projects, exams, internship and what other nonsense, I wish I can call myself a student again.

De-registered and failed. How I detest the sight of these two words.

I'll miss the campus. I'll miss my 3 girls, Chy, Ryl and Marilyn. I'll miss the gang, Shaun, Joseph, Kerrie, Jem, Trev, Jo, Ron and Becks. I'll miss Miss Tan. I'll miss the computer labs. I'll miss the bookshop. I'll miss Quek's visits. I'll miss smoking at the reservoir. I'll miss running to tutorials cause I'm late. I'll miss everything about school.

I feel so incoherent. Nothing seems to make sense. My head hurts.

Ridiculous

I officially declare I hate National Day. Seriously. So I'm not patriotic but honestly I do love Singapore. Its the "gahmen" that is screwed at times and our all so "perfect" traffic system.

Before I start ranting and raving like a mad woman, I'm actually at the best friend's, "happily" typing on her all so beautiful and I've been wanting to steal home like since forever Powerbook G4.

So when you just purely decide to head to your best friend's for a heart to heart chat from Tampines Interchange, you end up 1 hour late. See, Quek stay in Tampines. It took me fucking 1 and a half hours from Tampines Interchange to her place. Technically, the bus ride is only 5 mins. Even if I decided to stroll to her place, it would take me at most 30 mins.

See what happens when they decide to de-tour the bus and I get fucking stucked in a jam from Tampines Interchange to Tampines (near the mosque, which is like prolly 5 mins walk). KNN. I'm boiling like mad.

I was in a urgent need to answer nature's call and I was already stuck on the bus for 1 hour. Finally, I decided to get off and walk. Eventually, I needed to pee so bad, I went to the petrol station's toilet then continued on with half the journey left to walk.

WAH LAU EH. I WANTED TO CRY PLEASE. It was a fucking ridiciously disgusting long journey. *SCREAMS. And all because of the blinking National Day at the heartlands. Oh please.

Everything today seems so god damned ridiculous. Seriously. So screw you.

"What you don't know won't hurt you"

Wake me up when September ends

*yawns. Its 0630 hours and I'm typing away on Yihan's PC while 3 little pigs (namely: Yihan, Josh and Quek) are snoozing in the background.

Plans were for Hideout at Circular Road but it was strangely close. So Zouk was it with the Designers (Quek, Rachel, Yihan, Jon, Josh, Merv, C.J. etc). Fun fun fun. Its been forever since I've clubbed with the best friend.

After which, we "planned" to play mahjong at Yihan's place. Well, I decided to take a shower first, by the time I got back to the room. The three little pigs were snoozing already. *scowls. Cheat my feelings only. I wanna play mahjong! *mumbles.

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Chinablack last Saturday with the gf and 2 darlings, Marilyn and Ryl. It was okay I reckon. Music was rather crappy or rather I wasn't in the mood. No idea. It was nice to club with the 2 darlings after like forever though. ((:

Plans for Momo with The HTM gang this Friday apparently. Argh. Doubt I will go, low on cash already. And yes, its not even mid-month. Someone save me. Unless Marilyn can sign me in and someone can send me home. Hurhur.

How about, someone stop me from spending so much. Or rather, stop me from clubbing. Or whatever nonsense. Yes I'm blabbering. Guess what I'm listening to Landy and Jay Chou "Wu Ding". Yes faint now. Its not my fault that Yihan's iTunes is filled with Chinese music, namely Jay Chou. *blabber blabber.

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I hate decision making. Every little decision you make affects your life or future drastically or significantly. Sometimes the more you think about it, the harder it is to make the decision.

Some use their head while others use their heart. I use more of my head, I rarely follow my heart. So what happens when the head is heavy and the heart is weary? Close your eyes and pretend everything will be alright after awhile? If only things work that way.

I wish your face would stop reappearing in my head. Its not making things any easier for me. I'm tired. So tired of everything.

"The innocent can never last"

Bitter, Sweet and Hurt

Its finally a Thursday. When you're work in a office environment, every Monday, you look forward to a Wednesday. Then every Wednesday, you look forward to Friday. On Sunday, you dread Monday. Its a viscous cycle. At least back when I was back on campus, it didn't really matter that much. Now, I am constantly checking the calendar next to me and looking at my watch.

Made an improptu decision to go clubbing last night at around 2000 hours. Started calling all the regular clubbers and because there's school, work and etc, everyone wasn't clubbing except the queen of them all, my glam queen, Marilyn.

Chinablack was it. Long time since I went for Chinablack Jade. Woot. Free flow, free entry, tell me what could go wrong. Plans were to leave at around 2300 plus. In the end, I left at 0200 and Marilyn at 0145.

Honestly, I had a pretty good time last night though it was just the 2 of us. Everything was so fine. All so fine. Then, I did something I never thought I would do in my life. What is it? Secret. Not going to say. Those who know, shut up please. Its utterly embarrassing.
Note: I was not drunk, neither did I have any sexual relations with anyone or anything.

So everything was fine and dandy till this morning. Woke up, rushed to the toilet and barfed. Before I left for work, barfed. When I got to Bedok MRT station, went to the toilet and barfed once again. I felt like I was suffering from morning sickness.

You see, that happens when you drink on a empty stomach. Who's to blame but myself. I drank quite a lot that I eventually lost count but thank goodness I wasn't high nor drunk.

Pretty zonked out at work. Haven't been doing much but day dreaming. Feel a little hang-overish. Which is not good cause I've got sales targets to meet. *scowls.

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I'm a tad bit put off. Its just that you expect someone perfect. Then I'm sorry, I'm tired too. Tired of trying to perfect myself. Tired of not even given a second chance. Oh I better shut up before I start giving myself excuses for my mistakes.

"All we do is make up and break up"

The In Between

In life, we go through many in between phases/stages (whichever word you prefer to term it as). Often, its the in between times that are the hardest and yet most enriching of them all.

When you're between the ages of 18 and 21 (which makes it 19, 20 and 21), you're considered a young adult of sorts. Its the time where you have no choice but learn to grow up, act like a mature adult and handle situations like an adult.

Welcome to the real world. Most humans fear growing old, fear death, fear tough times. Its perfectly natural for one to fear but it boils down to how you handle that fear.

I hate growing up. If I could I would move to Nevernever land (Not M.J's Nevernever Land) stay young and innocent and have fun like Peter Pan and company do. Truth is, I can't. So why dream, procrastinate and complain, face the music.

It doesn't matter when you make mistakes. Learn from them and don't repeat the mistakes. Provided the fellow counterparts of the human race allows you a chance to learn from the mistakes. Some people don't believe in second chances but I do. Cause a second chance can make a world of a difference.

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Enough of that nonsense. I'm still in the office and I'm tired. Mentally, physically and what have you. Whole body is just aching for god knows what reason.

Looking forward to seeing the best friend tomorrow after almost a month and my girls on Thursday. I have so much to say and so much to tell.

"Don't give up on me"