Ummm Maybe

I procrastinate too damn much for my own good. I guess we all do procrastinate now and then but for me recently, it's become a lifestyle of sorts. Hah.

On a daily basis, I procrastinate on whether I should get out of bed or laze in for a little while longer. Usually, I end up doing the latter and fall straight back into lala land. And the list of things I procrastinate on, never ends.

It does get annoying after awhile. The procrastination, the waking up with absolutely nothing to do.

Some may say, I have a dream "lifestyle". I'm not working, with no income cept maybe when mummy gives me money now and then and I don't like taking money from her thus, I don't ask her for money. Silly pays for everything when we go out, I never get a chance to pay. -growls. Silly drives me around, I rarely need to take a cab, much less the MRT or the bus. All I do ever pay for is the occasional cab ride, cigarettes here and there (because my mum buys cigarettes for me at least once a week). I'm literally a tai-tai in training minus the shopping sprees.

But it is getting weary. I'm turning 23 this year and what have I accomplished? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. 1-2 years ago, I could still make myself feel better by saying, I'm still young, got a whole life ahead of me etc, but now, that excuse is getting old, like I am.

All this cooping myself at home (I do it to stretch the lifespan of whatever money I have left and I honestly do enjoy being a hermit) with nothing to do is getting to me. I need to do something. I need to find my footing.

Thing is, how do I go about doing just that. Life sucks and then you die. Perfect.

Then the song on my iTunes now, which happens to be my favourite, can't be more appropriate. Sterophonics - Maybe Tomorrow. Maybe, just maybe.

`Spinning: Sterophonics - Maybe Tomorrow

Serendipity

Before Silly went to bed tonight, I was bored and asked her for suggestions on what movie I should watch. Then Serendipity came up and since it's her all time favourite movie and I haven't caught it yet and I was up for some lovey dovey gooey romance, I watched it.

For a person who believes in karma, fairies, affinity and love at first sight, Serendipity was beyond perfect.

I'm sure we all wonder from time to time, Is he/she the one? When am I going to meet my soul mate? And the list goes on. Sadly, at times, we pass our soul mates by, without noticing that they even went pass.

Is fate, destiny enough? Apparently not. Life's about taking chances and taking control to a certain extent. Will fate/destiny play a cruel joke on me like that someday? I truly hope not.

Love's as complicated as it is already. That's why, despite the dreams I have, I prefer taking control. At least that way, life wouldn't be so hard.

I guess it makes it easier when you're a cryptic as well.

I'm babbling, so please ignore me, it's the after effects of the movie.

`Spinning: Katy Perry - Thinking Of You

In Circles

Those who have been following my blog for at least a year, would know that every Valentine's Day, I dedicate an entry to trashing Hallmark and the grotesque things people do, only because it's Valentine's Day.

This year, I'll spare Hallmark and those guilty of only making an effort to do something special for their other half only because it is Valentine's Day.

I still believe you don't need a reason to put in extra effort just because it's Valentine's Day. Shouldn't everyday be special? -shrugs- This is my opinion of course.

And also, being the completely realist, and unromantic person I am. I squashed any plans Silly had to celebrate Valentine's Day.

I don't think I could stomach walking down Orchard Road, seeing couples all lovely dovey carrying $200bucks worth of flowers. Flowers, I don't even want to go there. Haha.

On another note, Silly gave me a surprise the other day. Yes, I don't like surprises because I wear my heart on my sleeves and I never want to hurt the people who put in so much effort in surprising me. Okay, I'm getting out of the point here but excuse me.

So, Silly surprised me, with one of my absolute favourites. The Tiffany 1837 Circles Ring. -beams- A girl can never have enough rings. J'adore rings. Haha.

Thank you Silly. Yes, say hello to your Agnes B specs soon. (:

Lastly, Happy Valentine's Day to all my loved ones, you know who you are. Single or attached, I don't care, I still love you guys. (:

`Spinning: Justin Timberlake Feat. T.I. - Dead & Gone

Eternal Damnation

So I caught Inkheart with Silly on Saturday because everyone else was out clubbing and I really didn't feel like clubbing.

Inkheart was okay. Nothing worth raving about, though the idea of a Silver Tongue completely fascinated me. For those who are not going to watch Inkheart, someone who has a silver tongue, is someone who is able to make characters in books come alive just by reading the book aloud.

And, I am fascinated for all the wrong reasons. Only because I wish someone would read the Twilight saga out to me and make it real. LOL. And no, not because I think Robert Pattinson is hot and I want him for myself.

It's the love that Edward and Bella has, has become some what of an obsession to me.

To me, they're like Romeo & Juliet but the mystical version. The love is so strong, so unreal but yet, each one of us, dreams of it. To fall in love with someone, completely head over heels and have the feeling returned.

Love till this day, is a complete mystery to me and I'm sure it will always be.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…"
Edward Cullen, Twilight, Chapter 13, p.274

`Spinning: Rihanna Feat. Ne-Yo - Hate That I Love You

Destination: Unknown

All's back to normal now. Cept for the fact that my eyes are still swollen from crying 6 hours straight last night.

I guess, it is worth one more shot, all because I realised, I still do love you. It hasn't been easy yes, but we'll try to work it out. If by then, it doesn't, then at least, we can look back and say, at least we tried.

For now, Happy 13th monthsary. ((:

`Spinning: Alex Gaudino Feat. Crystal Waters - Destination Calabria

I Don't Know

As I stood by my window, smoking and watching the stars (or rather, the lack of them), unknowingly, I look down, looking for your car.

This is as hard for me as it is for you. You've left traces all over my life and everywhere I look, you're there, smiling back at me.

This is going to haunt me, for awhile.

I don't even know how to go about picking up the pieces. It hurts so bad. So damn fucking bad.

Everytime I think about it, tears just fall.

We were lovers and best friends for the past 13 months. I will miss you. The good and the bad, I'll miss both.

I wish it never had to turn out this way, but it did.

I don't know if what I did was the right decision, honestly, I don't. Time will tell.

"It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realise that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I will be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna let
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice well you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is Imma be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really loved you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
yes I do
It'll all get better in time"

`Spinning: Leona Lewis - Better In Time

All I Can Say

I'm sorry that it had to end today, or rather, it had to end at all.

It wasn't working out, you and I both, know it. This I can say, I did love you. To a certain extent, I still do but it's never going to be the same.

I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say.

I'll be fine. I won't do anything stupid. This is a promise. From me to you.

I'm sorry.

`Spinning: Natasha Bedingfield - I Bruise Easily

I Will Be

Today, in a very long time (excluding the 2nd day of CNY), I got up before noon. I know, amazing how much I can sleep right?

And it has proven itself to be shitty. I'm not exactly feeling very well, physically that is, God only knows why. Emotionally, I'm a wreck. There's something wrong, but I don't exactly know what. Even if I do, I still prefer to pretend that I don't anyway. Life's a bit easier that way I guess.

When I finally got on 506 for a long bus ride from Bukit Batok to Bedok Resevoir, I felt a bit better. I like long bus rides alone, probably the rare few times where I get to be completely alone with my thoughts.

The moment the bus arrived at the east side, it started pouring. Like, raining cats and dogs. Seriously, of all days when I didn't bring an umbrella, it had to rain. When I'm not taking a cab, in Su's car but when I take public transport. Didn't help that I was in a super short cotton dress which would become see through in the rain and fly in all directions with the wind blowing. Thank God I bumped into mum's bf downstairs and he passed me his umbrella or I'd be so drenched.

Then I came home to another surprise. I am thoroughly annoyed, completely pissed off and what have you.

It has gone way pass ridiculous, in fact, it's getting childish. It was a damn misunderstanding, I'm a fucking girl, yet I can put it behind me and try to be nice and pretend nothing happened because I know both our egos are too huge to apologise to one another. So the best solution out is to pretend nothing happened.

Yet, you, who call yourself a guy, is unable to do the same. Men and their egos. So you wanna play hard ball with me, you've got it. I'm done, I'm done being nice.

Congratulations, you've won yourself a chance to see me be mean.

You know why it's ridiculous? Because I come back home to my own home for God's sake and have to see some one's black face throughout. And I can't get my mum involved because she'd probably take sides, not with me mind you.

This is why I hate coming home now. I absolutely abhor it. WoW was the only way to get me distracted, now, whatever.

I'm in one of those moods, where I don't really want to talk to anyone.

`Spinning: Leona Lewis - I Will Be