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personality tests by similarminds.com

Stability results were low which suggests you are very worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly organized, reliable, neat, and hard working at the expense of flexibility, efficiency, spontaneity, and fun.

Extraversion results were moderately high which suggests you are, at times, overly talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting at the expense of developing your own individual interests and internally based identity.

Sheesh. Want to how accurate this test.

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Met Leong in town earlier. Spinelli's, camera whores, cigarettes and heart to heart talks. ((:
Andrea joined us shortly, and no I am not talking about myself as a third person. Leong's friend, Andrea Ng joined us. Shortly after, the Quek came waddling along.

I've been thinking. There are certain things I need to fix, certain things to clear, certain things to say, before everything is too late. I've obviously not been myself and it finally dawned upon me why.

The last person that everyone thought would attempt suicide would be me. "Andrea's a strong girl, she'll be fine." Like I always say, I'm fine and always will be fine. LIES LIES LIES.

Because sometimes, keeping everything to yourself is better. Reduces the misunderstandings or perceptions people have about you. Since when did I care about people's perceptions right? It gets tiring after years of being misunderstood. It get weary and draggy, huge pain in the ass.

Then sometimes, no one can help because there are no answers. Then after 3 years, you finally lose it.

I'm sick of being nice, civil, polite and what have you but if I go back to my KC days, people deem me as mother fucking childish 19 year old. So what? Hang in there for another 3 years and break down then again? This time probably really making sure I end up dead.

Every single time I tell you I am fine, I am lying. For now, I'm not fine. So don't bother asking if I'm fine because I am not. There's your answer so now fuck off.

If anyone wants to thinks that I was stupid, you've never been so right. That I was irresponsible, selfish and immature, strike TOTO also not so accurate.

If anyone thinks I did it because to attract attention, I can't stop you from thinking what you want. You don't know what its like to be me and likewise I don't know what its like to be you. I had my reasons. Valid or invalid, they were MY reasons.

I'm tired. I drift in and out of sleep everyday. The insomnia has never been so bad. Head hurts, back hurts. Lifelessly wandering about. The only way is to cry myself till fatigue kicks in. Every single night.

I Fear

Waking up to the familiar sights, sounds and smells is always ever calming and soothing. The gf's bleary eyed look, sounds of either the radio or television and the smell of the adorable Bobby.

I fear waking up to an empty house. When either my brat sister is still out from partying the night before, when my mum and her boyfriend has gone to work. Walking around aimlessly the house, figuring what's going to happen for the rest of the day.

I used to enjoy the freedom I get when I'm alone. Blasting my music, smoking in the hall, walking around half dressed. Now, I'm just scared.

I fear losing the best friend; Queky, the gf; jacy, the 2 angels; Chy and Ryl, the glam queen; Marilyn; the nonsense clique in school; Jem, Shaun, Joseph, Brian, Trev, Jo, Becks, Keke; the brat sister; Amanda Panda; the naggy mother; Ah Mi; the cow shit; Leong, the other ex; Bessy.

I fear loneliness. Who doesn't? You must be a hermit if you don't and I'm sure you won't be reading this.

I fear Octopus and Lizards as well. -laughs-

"P.S. I Love You All"

When The Rainbow Never Appears

3 days and 2 nights. Sounds like some chalet or holiday. Yes, some kind of holiday it was at CGH. Food sucked, environment sucked, room mates sucked even more. I have no one to blame but myself, I signed up for the damn package.

The charcoal was plain gross, caused me to vomit non stop like the merlion on the first day. Dozed in and out of sleep due to the fatigue but in total I barely clocked 10 hours of sleep in 3 days. Drip was just a nuisance, made me crippled to the bed for the first day, not that I had any strength to get out anyway.

The ward mates were fine. Just mother fucking noisy in the night. The insomnia already kept me up, they decided to gang up and all make noise all at once at about 3am yesterday. I got fed up at 5am as I was really tired and had not even napped in the day so I requested for sleeping pills. The yellow lil thing worked wonders, I was dead to the world.

I would like to thank all who visited. Stacy, Jen, Faiz, Kak, Sel, Leong, Bess, Chy, Ryl, Marilyn, The Gf and Queky. Thank you all for taking time out of your busy schedules. I'm sorry for the mess I made. Love you all dearly.

To my mum - I'm sorry for what I did. It probably hit you the hardest. It pains me to see you so tired and worn out. I'm sorry. I love you.

To my sister - Bad example. Do not EVER attempt to follow or anything along those lines or I will skin you alive before you even attempt. I love you too. Study hard for O's. Hospitality and Tourism Management okay? -grins-

To The Gf - You and Marilyn are probably the only two that woke me up with the scoldings. I'm sorry for the pain and hurt I have caused. Thank you for not abandoning me when I need you the most. I love you.

To The Best Friend - Thank you my Quekypoo for visiting me everyday without fail. For teasing me about my unglam look (read: ugly hospital uniform, attached with the drip and messed up hair). I'm sorry I made you doubt your ability as a best friend. You've been the best best friend that no one can ever ask for. I love you too. -hugs-

To Myself - Andrea, you've been the biggest moron in the whole wide world thinking no one cared, no one loves. Even if the universe doesn't believe you, you didn't have to prove it to them this way. Even if no one cared and no one loved you, you should love yourself. I'm sorry to myself and to everyone who cared and love.

Ponstans and Paracetomols, not a good experience. The only thing I liked were the needles, sadistic but I like needles.

"Nobody's Home / Fall To Pieces"

Dark Clouds

Everything has been a whirlpool of sorts lately. I don't know why and I don't know what but something feels strangely amiss. Or rather, something bad seems to be creeping around my back, just waiting for the right time to scare the fuck out of me.

Insomnia's back since 2 nights ago and I'm not feeling really fantastic emotionally. Its either my insomnia making me depressed or the depression making me lose sleep. Any way, it's killing me silently like some sort of cancer.

If it's going to continue, I'm going to get my family doctor to prescribe me either some Prozac or some Valium. Either to cure that depression that strikes me every 2 months or that insomnia that strikes me every other 2 months respectively.

The nightly monsoon rains that we're getting here in Singapore ain't helping much. I just want to cuddle under my covers and fall into deep sleep but the damn lighting and thunder just won't let me (Yes I am scared okay).

Shall just try to focus on the database report (which I am very far behind) and finishing up the internship proper.

Maybe you can tell me what is wrong? Not you. Yes you.

"The sound of nature; wind howls and rain taps"

Burn

Fever two days in a row. I reckon like the gf says, I'm burnt out already.

I'm pretty screwed cause I am so far behind in my mini project. I reckon next week onwards, I'll be burning the midnight oil with my coffee, cigarettes and Microsoft.

10 more working days and I'm done. Meanwhile, back to the pills till it's finally over.

"Take my hand and walk me home"

Mindless

Random.

Medical Certificate; Flu Virus.

Temasek Polytechnic Library; 1700 - 1900 hours.

Now; Insomnia.

"I like popping pills"

Patience Is A Virtue

On site at Raffles City Convention Centre yesterday at 1400 hours. I don't know why they asked me to go down so early because there was basically nothing to do so early. After killing time by going downstairs to Ya Kun with Eileen and Diana and checking out the ballroom setup, we went up to the complimentary hotel room.

The view on the 34th floor was pretty spectacular. The girls started changing and doing their make up, I was pretty much done with my make up already so all I had to do was change. Sat at the balcony alone and did a little thinking.

Around 1700 hours, the guys came up to change so all the girls left. Walked about downstairs and even contemplated to go buy something to eat because I was starving and dinner only starts at 2000. At 1745, guests started streaming in for the cocktail reception and that was when my headache started. Reckoned it was because of the stress level and the massive amount of people that amounted to my headache.

By 2000 when all the guests and staff were seated, Martin and I were still running around (literally in my heels). Gobbled up my starter (which was rather delicious lobster with like sweet and sour sauce thingy) and continued running around doing head count.

After that, finally was able to sit down and eat proper. By that time the stress level was so high, I downed a total of 7 glasses of white wine in 3 hours. I guess cause I was stressed or something, the 7 glasses had zero effect on me. Dinner finally ended with the lucky draw (Knn, I would not even have minded the Jetstar airticket to BKK or HKG, much less the pair of Business class return tickets to Istanbul my boss won).

Mayhem continued after the dinner, settling the bills and what nonsense blah. Went back to the hotel room, changed and headed to the 70th floor for New Asia Bar. It was boring and a waste of my time but I had no choice. I was tired and suffering from a intense headache.

Downed my Chivas with Coke in 30 minutes and said I was really tired and left before they could shove another glass of Chivas at me. By that time it was almost 1am. They continued on to Bar None for more drinks. -shakes head- Older than me also got more stamina then I do. Maybe because they didn't have to help at the reception and run around during the dinner.

As of today, I officially have caught a cold or a flu because my head still hurts like mad, I feel extremely lethargic and my nose cannot stop leaking. I just feel like breaking down to cry. This corporate world is so not for a young girl like me. 2 more weeks Andrea, just 2 more weeks.

"When it all falls down, what are you to do?"

Don't Cha

Half the department is not in the office today as they are on site preparing for tonight's corporate dinner. That explains me surfing the internet, "sneaking out" to buy Wanton Mee for breakfast and blogging. Heh.

Setting up on Friday was quite an eye opener though half the time I was just sitting around waiting for suppliers to arrive. Met the gf and after that headed to Crystal Jade for dinner and continued to roam about Esplanade.

The travel fair on Saturday was pretty boring, just the usual redemption counter duties. So I ended up counting down the hours till I saw my darlings. (:

Finally left Suntec Convention Centre at 2230 hours, Martin gave me a lift to town then I met Quekypoo, Cow Shit Leong, Qian Hui (Don't know how to spell her name but she's one of Quek's ex-es. Like I'm not. Lol.) and my dearest Glam Queen Marilyn.

Saved money on cover as Marilyn signed me in but splurged twice the amount of cover charge on a jug of Whiskey Dry. The irony. So anyway, we were just lounging about the VIP area talking nonsense and drinking then we decided to head for the dance floor/podiums.

Then there were these 2 I seriously don't know what to call them. Okay, Fatty and friend hogging the platforms. They were like dancing non-stop on the platform for about an hour or so. I was basically impressed with their stamina and laughed with the rest at their "Mambo" dance moves.

They finally got off the platform when the glam queen aka Marilyn got fed up with their hogging and asked them "Is it my turn yet?" HAHAHAHA! Omg, it was hilarious. Even the gf laughed when I told her about it. -sniggers-

For the umpteen time, I am not Ah Lian okay. I just happen to like house (and a FEW techno) music, that does not make me Ah Lian. -glares at Quek-

Quek and Leong were waiting for Don't Cha by Pussycat Dolls for some what reasons. When the song finally came, it was sooooo long, I thought it would never end. HAHA. It was good though, managed to drag Quek on the platform. Hurhur.

So the party poopers, Quek, Leong and Quek's ex left around 0215. Leaving me with Marilyn dancing away on the platform. -wriggles butt- I finally left at 0300, met Quek at the bus stop and 65M-ed back to the gf's place. Met the gf at the bus stop for prata, headed back to her place and concussed. Spent the whole Sunday sleeping in. Perfect weather. (:

Heading down to Westin at 1400. Darn corporate dinner.

Queky - You confirmed going to Zouk next Friday? I wanna go too! But I can't. No more clubbing for me till internship ends. Had fun with you. See you SOON okay? And I mean SOON! Love you!

Leong - Hey darling. Technically the last time we clubbed together was almost a year ago. Had fun with you as well. Give me a call anytime you need me okay? Love you loads. Meet up soon. -hugs-

Marilyn - Don't know if you would read this but I miss you terribly already! Just 2 more weeks till we're back on campus. I can't wait for our smoking sessions at the reservoir and by that time, we would be able to club with the rest properly and not worry about work the next day! Love you. Give me a call if you need to talk to someone okay? -hugs-

"What a beautiful smile"

Hustle For Me

I am so busy so this is going to be a short post. Blogging for a specific reason but before we get to that, let me just blog randomly.

Tomorrow or rather today (since its already 0100) is going to be one hell of a day for me. I will be in-charge of overseeing the moving process of all items to be brought to Suntec Convention Centre for the travel fair on Saturday and Sunday.

Seriously crazy. Why so? Because I will be the one and only one overseeing the whole thing and the one and only one to be at Suntec to guide the movers and set up the Marcoms "counter". -pulls hair-

I know it sounds menial and pretty easy but when the company is so big and they have so many departments and sub-departments, it is pure madness. Plus, I am going to be alone. -cries-

Plus the mini project is driving me nuts. I'm beginning to feel the stress of school projects again. Sadistically, I like it. - sadistic smile- It's obviously not helping that later in the day I will be so busy, Saturday I've got to be at the travel fair and Monday is the corporate dinner. Anyway, back to the specific reason to why I am blogging.

Attention all Temasek Polytechnic, School of Business Students. Who still has their Microsoft Access textbook used for Year 1's, Computer System Applications (CSA in short)? I need it badly for my project. So if you still have it, please leave me a comment or send me a sms if you know me personally (and you have my new number). I really need it urgently. Thanks.

"Breaking down inside, slowly"

The 24 Hours Of A Day

In a day, there are 24 hours.
In 24 hours, there are 1, 440 minutes.
In 1, 440 minutes, there are 86, 400 seconds.

Okay, I believe you get my point. Now, my other point is, the damn 86, 400 seconds/ 1, 400 minutes/ 24 hours is not sufficient!

See, an average human, spends about 8 hours a day sleeping, another 8 hours either at work or at school, that leaves us with another 8 hours. Say an average of 3 hours for communicating from one place to another and another 3 hours for meals and visiting the toilet to bath, poop, pee and what other nature calls one has to answer. Kapoop! There goes the 24 hours. (At least that is my perspective of an average Singaporean)

As kiasu and kiasee Singaporeans, parentals will send their children for all sorts of "enrichment" classes; classical ballet, organ, classical piano, speech & drama, abacus, art, you name it, we've got it. Not forgetting to mention tuition classes to keep up with the ever "changing" education system in Singapore; english, math, science, general paper and even pre primary school.

I mean, if your child has no "talent" to study or play the piano means no "talent" okay? No matter how many other "enrichment" classes you send the poor child to, he/she will not improve (except for miraculous cases). So spare the poor kid from the mental stress and let him/her enjoy his/her childhood like our parents used to; prancing around the kampong playing hopscotch or what games.

The Gahmen everyday other day encouraging people to get married and for the women to get pregnant. Extra baby bonus, more maternity leave yada yada. First things first, working adults have no time to have sex. Okay, maybe not no time, but no energy! Day in, day out work work work our butts off.

So what if the Gahmen has already implemented a 5 day work week? Most local (ching chong) SMEs make sure they work their employees till 44 hours gao gao and pay them 44 hours on the dot. Work work work, where got strength and energy to have sex?! No sex, how to have babies?!

After work, have dinner, rest awhile watching tv then go sleep already. If not, bickering with their spouses due to stress faced at work, quarrel and fight then divorce. No babies again. The high living standards of Singapore does not make things better. It takes a lot of money, time and mental health to bring up one kid (everyone has been a child, I'm sure you know what I mean by mental health), who so free? Daddy and Mummy both working, mana wu xi gan?

I realised I have digressed a lot from what I was initially planning to blog about. It is not about making babies, it is about the insufficient 24 hours for a fast paced society like Singapore.

Even as an intern, I am feeling the "Wake up, go to work, go home and sleep" cycle of a working adult. I miss time spent with my best friend terribly, I miss my girls in school, I miss towning blah blah. Even when the gf and I meet for dinner, its always around our place; Tampines, Bedok or Eunos. Both knackered from the 8 hours at work, the consistent headaches and the stress.

Which explains the lack of blogging, not to even mention going online to chat on mIRC or MSN. With 3 weeks left to the end of internship, I am really running out of time. I am still waiting for Ms. Tan's approval to my Mini Project proposal before I propose it to my manager. Then there's the whole portfolio to do and the nonsensical environmental thing to include in it. Siao liao la.

Been so busy that it totally slipped my mind. This Saturday and Sunday there's the Chan Brother's Travel Fair, Monday, the corporate dinner, then Travel Roadshows (mini travel fair) all over Singapore everyweek. Tell me how?! -pulls hair-

"So much love, so little time"