Commenting board is still down. Fucking enetation. Sorry to all who have commented, I can't see your comments for the time being. Use the tag board yeah? Thanks.

So its god dammit 0430 in the morning. I fucking still can't get to sleep. Insomnia back in action again. This time round, with a whole "new" set of problems. I'm going to be ranting and raving a lil today. Just feel like it. Feel like a whole fuck load of shit now. My usual advice, if you don't want to see it click the bloody "x" on your top right hand corner.

My friends have been a real supportive bunch. Thank you all for being there and offering me advice, love, hugs and everything else. Thanks for being able to accept me for who I am. Whether it is me being straight forward with my feelings, my (as some would call it "weird") preference for girls at times. Basically, thanks for loving me as I am.

I'm going to be real honest here. I don't know how many more entries I can post here. How long before my hp gets cut. Whether if I'm able to attend school next semester. I'm facing some serious financial problems at home. Too many unpaid bills. Money going one way, which is out not in. I have no idea what my mum is doing about it. I don't want to ask either. She has enough burdens as it is. Been living without allowance for about 2 months or so. When she gave me some money for my birthday, I had half a mind to shove it back to her and ask her to pay the bills. But I need the money to survive. Kept it anyhow. As some of you know, I've been walking half the journey to and fro school. No, smoking is not the main reason. Its to save the 80 cents for the other bus journey. Plus, the walks are pretty calming. Gives me sometime to myself in the day. I know, some ask why am I smoking then? You should be saving the 10 bucks for transport. One last pack okay? Until I get a job for the holidays.

If you bothered, you would have msged me on my birthday. I don't believe that you will forget my birthday. Cause you didn't. You had the cheek to msn me happy belated birthday more than 24 hours later. Know what? I don't need the wish if it didn't come from your heart. I don't need you to pretend you care about me. I don't. Don't tell me you are still here for me no matter what. You have changed. Changed so much. Maybe its just your way of handling the situation. Then I have nothing to say. Cause that's your weakness. You know it. Don't tell me you don't read my blog anymore. I know you do. Even if you don't, I don't give a fuck shit either. I'm living well without you. I may not be happy now, but I'm happy cause I don't have to put in so much effort to make you happy when I'm not. I loved you so much, you jolly know how you treated me. And listen up. I'm over you. So over you. Good luck to your next girlfriend. Remember what I said, if you aren't going to change your ways, every girl that walks into your life will leave. Because, love isn't everything. The world doesn't revolve around two people.

To the other you. I'm tired of being the one taking the initiative. Tell me that those kisses meant something. The msgs meant something. That everything meant something. I'm tired of guessing what is going on. Tired of being stuck in a haze, not knowing what to do and what to say. I have to think before I do or say anything. Worried that I may say something to put you in a spot, that I may say something wrong. The feeling fucking sucks. I don't know. I'm about to give up. Tired of being the one fighting. It takes two hands to clap. Do what you want. I'll still be here, for how long? I don't know.

To my bestest friend. You'll know who you are when you read this. I know asking you to cheer up won't work. Things have been a mess for us. Its been such a long time since we even truely laughed on the phone or even joke around. When we are out, you are busy and I keep to myself and my ciggarettes as much as I can. I love you so much. It really hurts me to see you like that. You may not realise how worried I am. I really am very worried. I'm here no matter what. Looking forward to the calls at 3 am in the morning since I can't sleep even. Please come to me. Don't keep everything to yourself please.

What I need now is to marry some rich fuck. Or get a real rich Bf/Gf who has the moolahs. Intro anyone? *laughs. I think i'm going to do what I did about 2 years ago. Disappear from human contact for a month or so. I love everyone.