Not Going Anywhere

I thought through the reasons why I've kept this blog password protected. The most significant of all, I can finally allow my thoughts to run freely here once again. There's no need to exclude my inner most feelings anymore. I feel liberated.

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Fatigue from work knocked me out at 0600 but at 0900, a nightmare woke me up, in tears, yet again. I'm sick of this repeated imagery.

The nightmare was basically about her, her ex and her asking me to shut up in front of the ex. I know it doesn't sound all that bad but it still woke me up bawling.

It doesn't help that I have this splitting headache since yesterday that hurts so bad that I want to rip my head off. It also doesn't help that I'm working a full shift at Acid later and I've only had 3 hours of sleep.

Deep down, I've been secretly falling apart bit by bit. Maybe you just "fang bu xia" or somehow maybe, I'll never be as good as she was and maybe that's why you keep asking me to leave. I'd rather believe the latter, it makes carrying on my life a tad bit easier.

I've sacrificed so much. If I still lose you, I'd be left with nothing, nothing at all.

"Oh my pretty pretty boy I love you
Like I..
Never ever loved no one before you
Pretty pretty boy of mine
Just tell me you love me too
Oh my pretty pretty boy I need you
Oh my pretty pretty boy I do
Let me inside
Make me stay
Right beside you"