Risk It All & Lose Control

My HOT babe demanded that I include this in my entry.

Remember I mentioned heading to a Canto Bar with her parentals? She went back after sending me off.

So while I was on the phone with her around 0600, a transexual attempted to pick her up but backed off the moment she heard my babe's voice.

ROFL.

She's hot and she's all mine. (:

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My level of cynicism is just increasing, while my level of self esteem is just going in the other direction.

The common advice is to sleep all the bad things away and wake up to a better day. Problem now is, what if tomorrow isn't a better day. What if it's just like today, the day before and better still, it just gets worst.

Excuse me for sounding so pessimistic but I am after all clinically proven to suffer from anxiety.

Then the other problem is, I'm clinically proven to suffer from insomnia because of anxiety. Those who hang around me know that it can get quite bad. Sleep deprivation for 72 hours is no joke. So how do I even go about sleeping the bad things away?

If you have answers, please come to me. I'm getting so sick of it all.

It feels like October 2005 all over again. Depression's doing the typing.

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How apt, Power 98FM is playing Natasha Bedingfield's I Bruise Easily right now.

I bruise easily,
so be gentle when you handle me.
There's a mark you leave,
like a love heart carved on a tree.
I bruise easily,
can't scratch the surface,
without moving me underneath.
I bruise easily,
I bruise easily.

I found your fingerprints,
on a glass of wine.
Do you know you're leaving them,
all over this heart of mine too.
But if I never take this leap of faith,
I'll never know.
So I'm learning to fall,
with no safety net to cushion the blow.

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I pray with all my heart that I get to spend my 20th happily. It's been years since I've not cried (not out of happiness) on my birthday.

I don't want to go through it all alone again.

This year, I only have one wish. One simple wish and that's all I'm asking for.

So tell me now, will you let me take you to the utopia of euphoria, where we belong?

"And I've been secretly crying myself to sleep."