Hung Up

Gave Zouk a missed even though its "We Love House" tonight, Queky's there and I didn't have to spend a single cent. I still cannot believed I gave Zouk a miss. Kind of proud of myself because since when did I ever give clubbing a miss?! Reckon I'm going to give Zouk a miss again later even though I promised Marilyn I would go with her. Probably going to get hell from her but I'm just in no mood to leave the house, much less club.

Deleted my previous angsty entry. I guess I just broke down after having a much needed talk with the best friend. Thank you dear for trying to get me out even though it was for clubbing. In fact, its the first time you're encouraging me to club. Haha. Love you Quekypoo.

I don't usually admit that I'm wrong but this time round everyone else is right except me. I need to get out of the house. Cooping myself up in the house is going to do more harm than benefit. Start going to school, getting back on track with lessons, doing what I do best, club like there's no tomorrow.

Okay I was kidding about the last part. Honestly, I've grown pretty bored with clubbing. Its always the same old crowd, same old music, same old after smell, same old nonsense. Although I wouldn't mind a ladies night at Momo or China Black. Alcohol and cigarettes are my buddies for now, when haven't they been anyway. Seriously, mambo is just a whole chunk of memories, same goes for China Black. Aiya, everything including the whole of Bedok Reservoir. Sorry, sidetracked a little.

Bloody Chan Bros has yet to pay me yet. Its already the 19th! Monday there's the educational trip and I haven't bloody paid. HOW? The money obviously would not miraculously appear in my account balance on Monday. I'm so screwed. So much for telling me they would bank it in by the end of this week. Knn.

At least I'm working in about 3 hours time. So I'll have money for a proper meal, cigarettes and transport for a day or two. I hope I'll survive until 1400 without any sleep but its nothing that I've never done so I know I will.

Thinking of going for mass later in the evening but Queky's busy with recee. I'm also planning to watch Harry Potter. Know what? Maybe I'll just go alone, if I manage to muster the courage to go out alone. Okay, I won't. I just remembered the last time I went out alone depressed, I ended up crying and walking the streets of Orchard.

I guess everything is going back on track bit by bit. It maybe a little slow but at least something's moving. Quek pretty much knocked some sense into my hollow head. Telling me that it's not worth it, what's the point blah blah. I guess I just need someone who dares to really scold me. Any takers? Because other than my family the only 2 people who actually dare to scream at me would be Marilyn and ironically her. -frowns-

Quek's pretty disappointed that I ended up like that. I guess most people are. Like the previous 2 screw ups, the last person you would think of would be me. I've never had such bad withdrawal symtoms from a relationship. My enemies must be saying, "KARMA bitch. Karma found its way to you this time." But has it occurred to anyone that maybe I'm just tired of pretending to be strong? Or maybe this is really who I am deep down. I'm no hard hearted bitch that I seem to be, in fact, I'm just like every single one of you.

With Christmas coming in about a month, it also signifies the end of the year. Year 2005, this would be one year that I'll always remember. Which reminds me, I'm going to end up spending Christmas alone. After so many years, this would be my first Christmas alone. No pretty presents, no kisses under the mistletoe. So much so I know what's on my wishlist already this year. Just 1 simple wish, I don't ask for anything else.

To Queky, Leong, Ryl, Marilyn, Maye and those who showed me concern in any way. Whether is was smses, trying to get me out of the house, clubbing, advice or anything. Thank you for everything. I'll be fine. I just need a little more time. Love you all. (:

To You. This time around, the story of the boy who cried wolf has finally come to an end. Up till this very day, I do not know whether you meant it when you told me that you didn't love me anymore. To make things easier for myself, I choose to believe that you did, since you made everything so clearly in our last conversation. Although something deep down inside tells me you didn't, then again I could be in denial like I've always been. Now I'm finally facing reality like it is and obviously it isn't easy but I would like to thank you for everything. The smiles, laughter, scoldings, hugs, kisses, tears and everything alike. You have truly taught me a lot in the short (almost) 4 months. I know it wasn't an easy decision for you and neither was it an easy for me to come to terms with it. I just do hope that you made the right decision for the both of us because I obviously think otherwise. Whatever it is, I respect your decision. So do me a favour, meet me by the end of next week so we can clear our belongings and put a final closure to it. For now, good luck and thank you. I love you.

"I'm done with crying, but I don't know how to stop"