Sloshed

I know many are upset and disappointed with me. That most have already given up trying to get to me to head to school. Yes I lied, 3rd week in a row I haven't attended lessons because I don't even know why.

Its not that I overslept or can't wake up like before. Like I mentioned before, I have so much trouble sleeping of late that I barely sleep and look like a tanned panda walking around. The only time I actually sleep well is when I'm drunk.

Which would be my next point, I got drunk again last night. This time around, it was as bad as the previous Zouk experience. Like dead drunk except the difference was I was awake and puking my guts out. So much so that Jamie's guy friends had to send Leong and I back to her place because there was no way Leong could carry me.

After much contemplation, I left my house at 2330, cabbed down to Zouk and jumped queue and got in. Zouk was mother fucking packed. So much so I was pissed and irritated for that 1 over hour we were there. Then I suggested going over to China Black because no mambo song was going to make me any happier and plus, Phuture was full house, didn't even get to step in.

It was at China Black where I got sloshed. Screwdrivers and Whiskey Dry. Lost count of the cups then the killer, Moet. Damn the bloody champagne. My gastric really hurts like hell now. Hang over of the century I tell you. Doesn't help that I have a 10 page report to be completed by tomorrow 1700 hours. Oh, I haven't started.

Tuesday met 3/4 of the Yong Tau Foo clan. Actually we're all like empty yong tau foo shells without the fish paste. Sat around Spinelli's and basically just stoned and moped around. All we do is mope. Girlfriend please! Herstory next Thursday, like yay. Time to pick some people up instead of waiting for nothing to happen. I've been like getting horny guys picking me up at clubs. I think I need to tattoo the word lesbian on my head. I want GIRLS okay. Tsk.

After much contemplation again because I thought I wasn't going to club on Wednesday, I bugged Leong and we headed to Chinablack for Gemma's birthday party/CJC Prom Bash. Loads of unexperienced JC dancing like I don't know what. But it was fun. R&B all night. Deviation from all the mambo and house music. Yes I'm spending all my money on clubbing. Perfect Andrea. Just fantastic.

Yes I asked for it. I deserve it. I even deserve getting kicked out of school. Maybe that's what I want. All I do now is club, drink and get drunk. Fantastic. I should consider my career as a club critic and write a book on why you should get dead drunk.

Seriously, I don't really care what you guys think. Because if anyone really cared, show me, ask me. Stop pretending that I'm okay. Because I'm obviously not. I don't know how to pick things up and move on. No I'm not going to stop clubbing because that's the only one thing keeping me from killing myself.

Ya ya, I'm the only one who can help myself now. Doesn't anyone get it, I'm sick and tired of having to help myself because I'm just totally helpless now. I don't know what's going on, I don't know why I've become so. I'm sick of people telling me that I'm the only one who can help myself, that everything is going to be fine. Because its NOT OKAY.

Know what. Fuck seriously. Just fuck off. Even I don't care anymore so just leave me alone.

"I bruise easily, so be gentle"