Sick Cycle Carousel

This weekend is going to be boring, at least I'm predicting it to be.

Met Bessy and Jie at Settlers Cafe after work, Zen and Weed joined us a little later. Yes, I am proud to say that we did not club but I am upset because we gave Paul Oakenfold a miss. -stabs self ten times-

We played:

• A Dog's Life (totally boring),
  
• Management Material (ridiculous but fun card game where you have to prevent yourself from getting promoted at work)
  
• Hallie Hilly or Hilly Hallie or whatever it was called (a violent game of snap where the chances of hurting yourself when you hit the bell are extremely high)
  
• Taboo (I don't have to explain this game do I?)
  
• Jenga (it was the longest Jenga game any one of us has ever played)
  
• Pit! (this was the best game we played, we're all sorta suffering from minor sorethroats from all the screaming and I laughed so hard till I cried and smudged my mascara).

Left at 0130 and walked to Maxwell Market for supper then walked to Momo but decided not to go in and then walked back to Chinatown and then we decided that there was nothing else to do. Basically, we walked and walked and walked and walked and walked for almost 3 hours. -.-

That was how exciting my Friday night was. Nevertheless, I had fun ruining my mascara with my girls at Settlers. Hah. ((:

Tomorrow's been left unplanned, the only plan is that we're not clubbing or at least I think so. Grandma's birthday cum Mother's day dinner celebrations with the extended family. I am so dreading it.

With all honesty, I don't even feel like going out, I just want to stay home with my novels. I've begun to pick up with my reading again and it's both a good thing and bad thing. Good thing because I've stopped reading for quite awhile, bad thing because it just means that I have too much time on my hands and also that I only turn to my books when I'm upset and insomniac.

I'm losing grip.

It's a damn sick cycle carousel and I'm mentally and physically drained of trying to juggle my time. Everything I do just seems so damn wrong. I don't know what to do or say anymore. I'm almost this close to giving up but I won't because I know, this is something worth everything I am, everything.

My brain's calling out for a fag (I only smoke when I club now) and some good alcohol. Say hello to gloomy days ahead.

I haven't been sleeping much nor eating much the past few days because I just can't. Pills have become like some diet supplement. Because of the lack of sleep and my stomach pains, I pop pontans. Because of my inability to sleep, I pop flu tablets. My new motto in life should be "Just keep 'em popping". Time to pop the flu tablets and wake up in tears a few hours later.

"And I feel those tears once again"