Morality

Previously everything in life was pretty much fine and dandy, then in my usual "have to create some drama and fuck my own life up" style, I created drama and fucked my own life up.

Since ending Saturday night in a complete emotional break down crying wailing right outside Zouk, it's been going downhill ever since. And no, I was not drunk, I was perfectly sober although the extremely incriminating picture on Facebook makes it seem like I was, I wasn't. I was merely bending down to fix my heels. -growls at Zen and Jo-

Jo and Silly, I finally know how shit fucked up you guys felt when you were put in the position of having to choose between doing what you felt was right and doing what was morally wrong.

Yes I know, my morals in the first place aren't exactly saint like. For one, I'm lesbian. Completely against the law of nature and yada yada, what have you.

I've been going around the house the past few days in a daze. In fact, I didn't even dare to come online. It completely doesn't help that I do not have access to WoW. To me, WoW's an escape to reality and yes, I'm a neurotic closet nerd cum hermit who goes to the library weekly and play World of Warcraft, so fuck you if you don't like it. Oh yes, depression coupled with impending PMS (Am drinking Coke for breakfast, go figure).

Sleeping hours completely fucked upside down, back to square one situation. Which explains this entry at this hour, yes I haven't slept. When I do sleep, I fall into the strangest dreams, waking up abruptly 4-6 hours later, feeling the guilt and regret.

It's always too late to regret. Apologies at this point of time, are completely useless as well. I'm in a complete state of loss.

I have had my fair share of betrayal, lies and hurt for a lifetime. And I am sick of it. To me, honesty has always been the best policy but truth is, the truth hurts. It hurts so damn fucking badly. And sometimes, people just don't want to hear the truth.

All I can say now is, I'm sorry, I really am. I just hope that the past 6 years of friendship, will not go down to the drain like that. I know, I deserve it, but, you're one person, I don't want to lose. I admit, it was not my place to say or do anything and it's my fault. I don't blame you for being upset with me. I just truly hope, you see that, I did what I did because I love you. As cliche as it sounds, I wanted the best for you. It wasn't the best way to show my love for you nor was it my place to get invovled. Maybe one day, you'll forgive me, maybe you won't, I don't know, but for now, I'm sorry and I love you.

Lesson of the day: Learn when to shut your damn bloody mouth.

`Spinning: Jack Rokka VS Betty Boo - Take Off