Block 535

Everytime I look out of the office window, I see this block of HDB flats, namely block 535. Yes boredom has got the better of me and I'm blogging nonsense to kill time. Time check: 1646 hours. 1 hour and 14 minutes till I get out of the office.

I'm sick of data-entry. Seriously. Considering I used to be okay with it, this is just too much. I'm falling asleep as I am typing this cause I am so sick of Microsoft Excel. My stand still holds, Bill Gates should be shot for inventing Microsoft Office. I strongly suggest he invents some robot to do all these "sai kang". Okay, nonsense again. I'm feeling crabby so just bear with this or scram.

Seems like they do not need me to help out with NATAS, which I hope remains that way -crosses fingers- so I can sleep in during the weekends. I've been so deprived of my weekend sleep on my own bed with my own pillows, bolster and blanket. I'm sleeping in till the sun don't shine and I will make sure no one wakes me up unless someone has been admitted into the hospital or the house is on fire -choy-.

---

Rouge on Saturday with the gf and her friends. They were playing band music, you know the "my sister kind of music"(Read: Rock, Punk Rock, Emo kind). Which is fine by me as long as the bands sound good, boy were they terrible with a capital T. Okay, actually it is not fine when it's band all night till 0200. Bumped into Ms. C.S. Leong there. Nice seeing you again dear. Meet up for coffee or something together with Quek soon okay? Love. Take care.

Left for Cheeky Monkeys. The last time I was there was probably almost 2 years ago, which was when I first got drunk in my life. -scowls- The place is same old same old, plenty of non-chinese and alcohol cheap like don't know what.

---

I've heard so many nasty things or sometimes cold hard truths about myself. It doesn't matter if people of no significance call me a bitch, slut, snob or what have you. It hurts the most when someone whom you love (eg. your partner) says it to you especially when it's just an assumption. You know what? Then again, I might just be jolly well shameless.

"There is no truths in any of your lies."

Play Me Some Rock and Roll

I am at work. Yes, it's a Saturday afternoon and I am at work. -mumbles, grumbles and whines- It's such a typical Chinese family business where employees are still required to work on Saturdays. Even the "Gahmen" is encouraging five day work week. It's time to change your policies and move on with the times. Okay I better shut my pie-hole up before I get sued or something.

Jack Daniel's Friends of Jack party last night at CHIJMES with the gf. It was okay I guess, honestly, pretty boring but free JD and finger food so nothing lost (Goodness, do I sound like the kiasu Singaporeans I spoke about in my previous entry).

Met darling Maye earlier to collect the invites from her. Thanks a million for the invites darling. It was good seeing you again. We must meet up soon okay? Talk to you soon. Love you!

Left around 2300 and headed to Cine to catch a movie. The Perfect Catch it was. It's your typical Drew Barrymore kind of movie, ditzy love comedy. After which, met the best friend which I haven't seen in donkey years (seriously donkey years). Eh you punk, we're meeting for dinner next week after I'm off work, my treat, your birthday present and your choice of the restaurant. I'm already so exploited over here till I lost my brain cells trying to think of what to get you for your birthday. Plus, we need to catch up on plenty of things. I haven't spoken to you in donkey years as well.

TP Designers' are already on their school vacation (eyes the best friend and rest of designers evilly). Life is so unfair.

"Hold me back"

The Old Best Friend

-ahem- Today, I proudly announce that my best friend of 5 years turns 20 years old. -chuckles-

Dearest Quekypoo,

Thank you for the continuous support, care, concern and understanding for the past 5 years. You've been the most wonderful best friend and -ahem- ex-gf that anyone could ever have. This friendship has been through both its good times and bad times. Thank you for being there to share my happiness, to lend a listening ear at 0300 hours in the morning and to drop everything to meet me when I need you. I hope you have "enjoyed" the past 5 years of friendship as much as I have.

Today, you turn 20. HAHA. No more a teen. Then again, its my turn next year. -mumbles- So anyway, it's time to grow up already you lil kiddo. I'm always here for you and will support your decisions (even though when I know it's a wrong decision) no matter what. I love you Quekypoo!

Happy 20th Birthday!

Epitome of Kiasu-ism

Yesterday was the Chan Brother's 40th Anniversary Fabulous Travel Fair II. Though I was not obliged to work, I "volunteered" my services anyhow. Firstly it was not as if I wasn't getting paid, secondly, I thought it would be quite an interesting experience (which was) and thirdly, I would have more things to say in my next e-Journal.

On a beautiful Sunday morning when I should be sleeping soundly like "The Princess and the Pea", I grudgingly woke up at 0715 and dragged myself to Suntec Convention Centre. Okay, I'm digressing and telling some long grandmother story.

So anyway, the fair started at 1000 and when I got there at 0900, there was already a small stream of people wandering outside the exhibition hall. Finally, the doors were opened to the public and there was a mad rush of people. Seriously, they all take their queue numbers outside the exhibition hall, so does it really matter if you're the first one inside the hall?! That was just the beginning.

I was stationed at the Redemption Counter with the rest of the Marcoms department in charge of checking the number of free gifts the customers were entitled to. There were goodie bags for the first 1000 bookings made and also free Burger King breakfast for bookings made from 1000 to 1140.

Of course there were people who bugged us for the Burger King breakfast even till the evening, those who were asking why there weren't anymore goodie bags. Hello?! Cause they have been fully redeemed! Then those who kept asking if there was anything they could redeem even if they didn't make any bookings. -.-

The terror of them all? Those who couldn't redeem anything because they didn't make any bookings, asking for plastic bags and packets of tissue paper and then walking off with glee. I wanted to slap their faces!

There is actually a lot more to tell but I just don't know how to put them into words. Or rather I'm just too tired. Bottom line, the kiasu-ism of Singaporeans is fucking disgusting and it puts me to shame to call myself a Singaporean when I think of the kiasu lot.

"Ironically, its you"

Spinning Around

My head still hurts and my throat is still sore. Its been one full week of sore throat and headaches. Even Ponstans and Lozenges aren't helping. *whines.

It has also been 1 week since I got fired. Yes yes, I got fired from my previous internship company. Not going into details but I un-officially failed my internship and un-officially got kicked out of school. But, don't worry. Everything is back on track. 2nd chance given and I'll be with Chan Brothers from tomorrow till the first week of November. Which reminds me I better go to church and give thanks this Sunday or something.

I was so stoned the day I got fired. Mind was blank and I just couldn't think. Head hurt like crap and what nonsense. What I remember vividly would be crying the whole day.

Met the gf at Good Shephard Cathedral for mass after spending my final 8 hours of work crying. It was Day of Assumption if I didn't recall wrongly. Mass was good, brought back many memories of the good old KC days when we had mass in the squeezy hall, which eventually made me tear.

The day after I was basically in a daze, walking around the house like some zombie. Wednesday came and I headed to Chinablack with Ryl, Marilyn and Quek. Yeah, you must be thinking "still got the mood to club huh". I just needed to get out of the house and some alcohol.

Met our HTM Course Manager, Ms. Choi together with Ms. Ivy Tan and of course my mother. Again, I couldn't stop crying. I literally spent the whole of last week crying. Maybe that explains the persistant headache. Or maybe I've got some tumour of sorts in my brain. Yes I'm a cynical bitch, so slap me.

Actually, I'm back on campus now. As in I'm typing this in Lab 6. Haha. The lab smells the same (there's this TP Business school lab smell) and it is still freezing cold. A couple of HTM freshies had me do a survey for them. I swear the survey is atrocious. Who am I to criticise their command of the language when I'm all incoherent and what not but they can't even number their survey in running order. *slaps forehead.

I'm getting an even bigger headache thinking of what to write in e-Journal 3. What? I screwed up so yay. Fuck shitters. Which reminds me I better get down to it or I'll be stuck here till 2200.

So anyway, I'm fine. Just trying pick up the broken pieces and fix it back. Handphone line and internet connection got cut so don't bother to contact me till prolly next month when my mum pays the bills. If you have to get in touch with me urgently, ask my best friend. If you don't know who my best friend is, then I suggest you don't even bother cause I'm sure its nothing important.

p.s. this entry is incoherent and I can't even be bothered to check for grammatical mistakes and what not. so please excuse yourself.

"Like a broken porcelain doll"

When All Falls Down

Have you ever screwed up so badly that you feel like murdering yourself? Do you blame yourself? Or do you blame your destiny?

Never in my life have I screwed up so badly. Not once. I've always been the daughter that my family doesn't need to worried about, education wise. I'm no honors student, nor do I score distinctions but I do relatively well enough to pass and get into a proper decent course like Tourism.

I saw this coming but was obviously living in denial. The truth hurts. Everything seems so meaningless now. As much as I used to complain about school, the projects, exams, internship and what other nonsense, I wish I can call myself a student again.

De-registered and failed. How I detest the sight of these two words.

I'll miss the campus. I'll miss my 3 girls, Chy, Ryl and Marilyn. I'll miss the gang, Shaun, Joseph, Kerrie, Jem, Trev, Jo, Ron and Becks. I'll miss Miss Tan. I'll miss the computer labs. I'll miss the bookshop. I'll miss Quek's visits. I'll miss smoking at the reservoir. I'll miss running to tutorials cause I'm late. I'll miss everything about school.

I feel so incoherent. Nothing seems to make sense. My head hurts.

Ridiculous

I officially declare I hate National Day. Seriously. So I'm not patriotic but honestly I do love Singapore. Its the "gahmen" that is screwed at times and our all so "perfect" traffic system.

Before I start ranting and raving like a mad woman, I'm actually at the best friend's, "happily" typing on her all so beautiful and I've been wanting to steal home like since forever Powerbook G4.

So when you just purely decide to head to your best friend's for a heart to heart chat from Tampines Interchange, you end up 1 hour late. See, Quek stay in Tampines. It took me fucking 1 and a half hours from Tampines Interchange to her place. Technically, the bus ride is only 5 mins. Even if I decided to stroll to her place, it would take me at most 30 mins.

See what happens when they decide to de-tour the bus and I get fucking stucked in a jam from Tampines Interchange to Tampines (near the mosque, which is like prolly 5 mins walk). KNN. I'm boiling like mad.

I was in a urgent need to answer nature's call and I was already stuck on the bus for 1 hour. Finally, I decided to get off and walk. Eventually, I needed to pee so bad, I went to the petrol station's toilet then continued on with half the journey left to walk.

WAH LAU EH. I WANTED TO CRY PLEASE. It was a fucking ridiciously disgusting long journey. *SCREAMS. And all because of the blinking National Day at the heartlands. Oh please.

Everything today seems so god damned ridiculous. Seriously. So screw you.

"What you don't know won't hurt you"

Wake me up when September ends

*yawns. Its 0630 hours and I'm typing away on Yihan's PC while 3 little pigs (namely: Yihan, Josh and Quek) are snoozing in the background.

Plans were for Hideout at Circular Road but it was strangely close. So Zouk was it with the Designers (Quek, Rachel, Yihan, Jon, Josh, Merv, C.J. etc). Fun fun fun. Its been forever since I've clubbed with the best friend.

After which, we "planned" to play mahjong at Yihan's place. Well, I decided to take a shower first, by the time I got back to the room. The three little pigs were snoozing already. *scowls. Cheat my feelings only. I wanna play mahjong! *mumbles.

---

Chinablack last Saturday with the gf and 2 darlings, Marilyn and Ryl. It was okay I reckon. Music was rather crappy or rather I wasn't in the mood. No idea. It was nice to club with the 2 darlings after like forever though. ((:

Plans for Momo with The HTM gang this Friday apparently. Argh. Doubt I will go, low on cash already. And yes, its not even mid-month. Someone save me. Unless Marilyn can sign me in and someone can send me home. Hurhur.

How about, someone stop me from spending so much. Or rather, stop me from clubbing. Or whatever nonsense. Yes I'm blabbering. Guess what I'm listening to Landy and Jay Chou "Wu Ding". Yes faint now. Its not my fault that Yihan's iTunes is filled with Chinese music, namely Jay Chou. *blabber blabber.

---

I hate decision making. Every little decision you make affects your life or future drastically or significantly. Sometimes the more you think about it, the harder it is to make the decision.

Some use their head while others use their heart. I use more of my head, I rarely follow my heart. So what happens when the head is heavy and the heart is weary? Close your eyes and pretend everything will be alright after awhile? If only things work that way.

I wish your face would stop reappearing in my head. Its not making things any easier for me. I'm tired. So tired of everything.

"The innocent can never last"

Bitter, Sweet and Hurt

Its finally a Thursday. When you're work in a office environment, every Monday, you look forward to a Wednesday. Then every Wednesday, you look forward to Friday. On Sunday, you dread Monday. Its a viscous cycle. At least back when I was back on campus, it didn't really matter that much. Now, I am constantly checking the calendar next to me and looking at my watch.

Made an improptu decision to go clubbing last night at around 2000 hours. Started calling all the regular clubbers and because there's school, work and etc, everyone wasn't clubbing except the queen of them all, my glam queen, Marilyn.

Chinablack was it. Long time since I went for Chinablack Jade. Woot. Free flow, free entry, tell me what could go wrong. Plans were to leave at around 2300 plus. In the end, I left at 0200 and Marilyn at 0145.

Honestly, I had a pretty good time last night though it was just the 2 of us. Everything was so fine. All so fine. Then, I did something I never thought I would do in my life. What is it? Secret. Not going to say. Those who know, shut up please. Its utterly embarrassing.
Note: I was not drunk, neither did I have any sexual relations with anyone or anything.

So everything was fine and dandy till this morning. Woke up, rushed to the toilet and barfed. Before I left for work, barfed. When I got to Bedok MRT station, went to the toilet and barfed once again. I felt like I was suffering from morning sickness.

You see, that happens when you drink on a empty stomach. Who's to blame but myself. I drank quite a lot that I eventually lost count but thank goodness I wasn't high nor drunk.

Pretty zonked out at work. Haven't been doing much but day dreaming. Feel a little hang-overish. Which is not good cause I've got sales targets to meet. *scowls.

---

I'm a tad bit put off. Its just that you expect someone perfect. Then I'm sorry, I'm tired too. Tired of trying to perfect myself. Tired of not even given a second chance. Oh I better shut up before I start giving myself excuses for my mistakes.

"All we do is make up and break up"

The In Between

In life, we go through many in between phases/stages (whichever word you prefer to term it as). Often, its the in between times that are the hardest and yet most enriching of them all.

When you're between the ages of 18 and 21 (which makes it 19, 20 and 21), you're considered a young adult of sorts. Its the time where you have no choice but learn to grow up, act like a mature adult and handle situations like an adult.

Welcome to the real world. Most humans fear growing old, fear death, fear tough times. Its perfectly natural for one to fear but it boils down to how you handle that fear.

I hate growing up. If I could I would move to Nevernever land (Not M.J's Nevernever Land) stay young and innocent and have fun like Peter Pan and company do. Truth is, I can't. So why dream, procrastinate and complain, face the music.

It doesn't matter when you make mistakes. Learn from them and don't repeat the mistakes. Provided the fellow counterparts of the human race allows you a chance to learn from the mistakes. Some people don't believe in second chances but I do. Cause a second chance can make a world of a difference.

---

Enough of that nonsense. I'm still in the office and I'm tired. Mentally, physically and what have you. Whole body is just aching for god knows what reason.

Looking forward to seeing the best friend tomorrow after almost a month and my girls on Thursday. I have so much to say and so much to tell.

"Don't give up on me"

When Everything Means Nothing

You know there's something wrong when your mother asks if you're alright.
You know there's something wrong when you don't even know what is wrong.
Or maybe you do and you're just shutting it out, just like how you've shut everything else out.

Stop asking if I'm okay. I am not okay. There, I've admit it. Happy? Now scram.

"Like a glass elevator"

Say Ooh La La

*sniffs around blog. Woohoo. Haven't blogged for what? Almost 2 weeks. Record breaking. Firstly, there's nothing to blog about anymore. Secondly, I have no life, okay I do but there's nothing exciting enough to blog about. Thirdly, internet connection at home is down. Bah.

So let's see, Eski bar last Saturday. It was hell COLD but I had fun shivering or rather attempting to not shiver at -o.5 degrees with Janice. Hurhur.

Thursday was Butch Hunt Finals, Cre was the 1st Runner Up. *sob. Ohoh, so paiseh. Was puking in the toilet (no I wasn't drunk, I was not feeling well and down with a temperature that day) and I didn't close the door properly then Cre opened the door and asked if I was okay. I wanted to shove my head into the toilet bowl please. *mumbles.

Okay, that was so random. So anyway, I haven't been going to work the past couple of working days. Down with bloody fever and flu. But I went ahead with all the clubbing and weekend plans. Nothing is going to ruin my weekend.

So apparently my attendance has finally become a HUGE issue with the company. Honestly, I fucking hate my internship. I regret rejecting Ritz Carlton like hell. I regret choosing this company. I REGRET. *drama. I don't fucking give a damned anymore. Really. I just want to get over and done with it. Fuck the commendation grade. I just want to go back to school.

Elective selection's a huge pain in my ass cause I cannot decide between E-Business and Calculus. Calculus cause I want to further my studies but E-Business cause there is a huge chance I would fail Calculus. I shall just stick with what I'm confident of passing.

Wah lau. Everyone has been saying I put on weight. Knn. I've got to stop eating so much. Trust me. I've been eating A LOT.

I just realised I've been blabbering. Bahh. Nonsense. I've become all nonsensical hanging out with the nonsensical one. *giggles.

"Fallen"

Something About You

Its been exactly 4 months of singlehood. The past 4 months have been crazy. People walked in and out of my life. Friendships formed and friendships lost. Dates, flings and eyecandies.

First and foremost, I would like to wish you an advance Happy 21st Birthday. Thank you for the 2 years of memories, good and bad likewise. The decision made was never regretted, not once. But of course I do wonder how would things be like now if I never made that decision. Whatever it is, I hope you are happy with your girl now.

Then came along a group of friends who kept me insanely sane during the "post-relationship" period. I still miss the laughter, the smiles and everything else shared between the group of us. Especially the few that listened to me, scolded me when I was crying while walking the streets of orchard. Thank you guys for everything. I miss each and everyone of you.

To you the boy. I have never met a nicer human of the opposite sex which I saw as a potential partner. I'm sorry for ending things the way it did, yes I was quite the bitch. But anyhow, I'm sure you will find someone worth your loving soon. The friendship is here to stay.

---

Flings will be flings and eyecandies will be eyecandies. The excitement dies off after awhile.

Bottomline, I basically screwed up the past 4 months of my life. My stand on relationships went haywire. All I wanted was fun. Go figure. Now, its just the same old Andrea again. I'm tired of the inconsistency, the fickle mindset, the changes that take place in nano seconds.

I do not regret what I have done. Rather, I see it as a learning experience. Learning from mistakes and repenting.

---

Now, you come sauntering into my life. *laughs. Its amazing how the chemistry fizzles, how you manage to make me feel all warm and fuzzy all over again despite the numbers. I hope this is here to stay. *flashes you a Drea smile.

How apt, I'm listening to Lovefool by The Cardigans now.

"Something in the way you move me"

Procrastination

I procrastinate too much.

Right now, I'm procrastinating if I should sleep or suffer the entire day later on without sleep.

If I should clear the mess in my room or shall I leave it till tomorrow.

If I should take another fag cause I feel like one but I've been smoking excessively and I'm almost broke and its only the first week of July.

So yes, the list can go on and on. What's wrong with us humans that we procrastinate almost every other minute of our lives?!

If I didn't procrastinate and do what's good for me, I'll be in bed now. My room will be cleared. I would be able to cut down on the sticks and save some moolah.

But hey, cut me some slack, don't you procrastinate too?

"Is this love real or just an illusion."

Back In Campus

For once I enjoyed traveling back to TP. Waiting for bus 69, climbing the stairs of the bridge and opening the doors of the lecture theatre greeted with familiar faces. The talk was totally redundant. I mean all of us were more eager to catch up with each other, give the well deserved hugs etc. Walking to the reservoir with Marilyn for smoke break. Pure bliss I tell you. I hate to say this but I fucking miss TP. Argh. Another 4 months.

So after lesson, towning with The Gang and Marilyn. So almost the whole bus 518 was filled with HTM students. Then, the bus broke down in the middle of PIE. How lucky. Everyone started calling the parentals to buy 4D. LOL. Number didn't open though. Tsk. Visual evidence of the breakdown here.

Creme Bistro for lunch, the Tori Katsu Don was damned good. *drools at thought of it. Then it was Mango sale at Shaw, Zara at Liat Towers. Thank god the clothes I wanted were out of my size. Left around 5 odd to meet Marilyn for more shopping after her pedicure session. Boy can my glam queen shop. I was aching after doing so much shopping with her.

At around 7, met jacy, litz, mac and her partner for dinner. Crystal Jade La Mian XLB. *double beam. Coffee Bean at Paragon after dinner and then jacy and I headed down to Club Momo. Momo was good. Goodbye Chinablack, Hello Club Momo. (:

Okay, I know I've been just reporting what I've been doing on Saturday. Life's monotonous and I have zero inspiration to blog about anything else.

"Do me a favour and fall in love with me."

My Goals for Student Internship Programme

To attain a commendation grade:
1. Make full use of the 23 weeks of SIP to be exposed to as many aspects of the job as possible.
2. Learn how to balance personal life and work life; time management.
3. Applying the skills and knowledge that I have learnt in school and picking up new skills and knowledge at the same time.
4. Learn how to handle human relationships with regards to clients and fellow colleagues.
5. Take responsibility to tasks assigned, be open to criticism; handle things like a working adult.

What I would really write if I didn't give two hoots:
1. Make full use of the 23 weeks to take a break from lecture notes, droning tutors and stupid project datelines.
2. Learn how to club on working days and survive the next working day.
3. Apply skills and knowledge I have learnt in school and picking up neither cause there is nothing to do in the first place.
4. Learn how to handle office politics, so bad that its even apparent to an intern on her first day.
5. Take responsibility to tasks assigned, be open to criticism and then go home and curse and swear about it; just like working adults.
*Additional Goal:
6. -clears throat. Learn more about eyecandy, woo, flirt and hello darling. (:

---

I'm so effing bored at work. 2nd day in the row not doing anything for 8 hours straight. At least I was "entertaining" myself with e Journal yesterday.

Today marks my last day of work with the travel group - publishing (marketing) department. Tomorrow, its 4 months of exhibitions for me. *mumbles.

My supervisor just did my appraisal. Hmmm. Scores all not bad. All 4's except for two 3's and one 2. No 5 though. Everyone make a guess what got me 2 marks out of 5. Punctuality and attendance lor. What else. I have to fix this fucking problem.

"Blissful chained affinity"

Numbers On The Scales

Seriously, I doubt anyone would want to know how to put on weight. It seems like everyone's more interested in "How to lose weight". So anyway, I'll just list 5 methods on "How to put on weight" and "How to lose weight".

How to put on weight:
1. Make sure you have at least 3 full meals a day.
2. Get an office job and snack between meal times.
3. Daily dosage of ice cream or chocolates after lunch.
4. When you are bored, get creative and cook yourself something new.
5. Don't bother exercising.

How to lose weight:
1. Make sure you don't have more than 1 meal a day.
2. Sleep in the day and wake up at night. (Thus you miss all your meals)
3. Survive on Instant Noodles.
4. Find something to make you suffer from depression and insomnia at the same time.
5. Nicotine fixes curbs your hunger.

I'm not saying every method is absolutely healthy, then again, none of them are healthy but what the fuck, diets are equally unhealthy.

You must be wondering why in the world am I blogging this at 6 am in the morning. It's because I just cooked myself a plate of fried rice and a sunny side up. I swear I can cook. Bloody shiok.

Add on the fact that I've had a packet of instant noodles, 1 cup of cup noodles, half a huge pack of potato wedges, 2 hashbrowns and 1 cup of milo all within 12 hours. (including the fried rice I just had).

Guess what? I'm meeting Quek in awhile for MacDonald's breakfast. How not to get fat put on weight like that?!

"I'll take you to the candy shop"

Check, Uncheck

( ) Corrinne May - Safe In A Crazy World Concert, 10th August @ 1930 hours.
I hereby am looking for someone willing to go for her concert with me. Leave a comment if you're interested. Thank you.

( ) Butch Hunt Finals 2005 - Gotham Penthouse, 14th July.
With plenty of dates (Denise, Maye, Mac, etc.), I'm looking forward to a night of booze, cigarettes and maybe sex? Joking. I should be looking forward to a cranky mood the following day at work. Maybe, look for a potential partner.

( ) SIP Classroom Session, 2nd July @ 0900 hours.
Finally get to see my darlings. I've missed each and everyone of you so much. But I just realised with the classroom session on a Saturday morning, it means I can't club on Friday night. Fucktard. Honestly, I think I'll still club anyhow.

( ) Pay Day - 28th June, Tuesday.
Woohoo. Finally pay day is here. Hopefully the money will last for a month with all the necessary expenditure (eg. bills, transport & meals).

( ) e- Journal 1, 30th June, Thursday.
I've only drafted the bloody journal. I better get my ass down to doing it.

( ) Fix my sleeping hours.
I've been sleeping at ungodly hours. Within 1 month of SIP, I've already taken 4 MCs. To be precise, I've only produced 2 MCs, the other 2 days, no MC. Fucking screwed. Waking up to puke every other morning doesn't really help either.

( ) Pray, wish and hope.
My 1 month stint with the publications department is coming to an end on Thursday. 4 months of exhibitions horror awaits me on Friday.

( ) Watch what I eat.
According to Queky, I've put on weight. KNS. I'm not complaining I'm fat cause I know I'm not but I just like the way I am now or rather I was. I think its my daily dosage of ice cream/chocolates after lunch at work. Not to mention the junk my colleagues feed me.

---

Notes to remind myself what has yet to be done or what has yet to come.

Life's so monotonous that I have nothing to blog about anymore. Plus, I have no inspiration to write about anything.

I'm sick of flings, eyecandies and singlehood. Find me a girlfriend.

"My heart won't be your rag doll anymore"

The Best Friend

I love you. (:

Sex, Alcohol & Cigarettes.

Stripped to the bare.
Fingers trailing her collarbone.
Scent of alcohol and cigarettes.
Soft kisses on her neck.
Whisperings of sweet nothings.
Sounds of pure pleasure.

"J'aime des femmes"

Signs That Prove You Have No Life:
1. Wake up at 0640 every morning and head to work.
2. Leave the office around 1800 and head home.
3. Figure out what you should have for dinner and contemplate on whether you should do some cooking yourself. (I have been fucking cooking dinner. Yes I CAN COOK, you bitches.)
4. Watch the 7pm Channel 8 show. And whatever shows you have to watch. (I even remember what time, which channels are showing my shows.)
5. You're online almost 24/7.
6. You are stuck at home on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. (Knn)

You see, this happens when:
1. You're Single. (Totally single, not even dating anyone)
2. You're so fucking broke. (Trust me. When I say broke I mean BROKE till I can't leave my house.)
3. You don't fancy going out with acquaintances. (Yes, I'm a loner. But even if I wanted to go out with them, I have no money to do so)

Effects:
1. Get frustrated because you want to watch 2 different shows, showing at the same time.
2. Suffer from serious insomnia cause you are so fucking bored.
3. Fall so sick that you cry yourself to the point of exhaustion and fall asleep. (Ear Infection la kns.)
4. Blog nonsense. For example, like this.

Chatter Down, Comments Up

Title says it all. I'm taking Chatterbox (tag board) down.

People who have been faithfully reading would know that I previously had no chatterbox. It was because I was too lazy to fix the problem with enetation, thus came chatterbox.

Now I've finally fixed it. Just gotta edit the template that's all. No more tagging. Comments please.

"Victimise me"

Epitome Of Distraction

Job scope for the past 2 working days : Sending e-mails. I feel like a spammer already. Sent god knows how many fucking e-mails and I still have a whole list to complete by tomorrow. Fucktard.

---

I'm now seated at my in-charge's desk as she's now in BKK cause I need her computer and because the other one is fucking screwed. Argh. At least I'm getting my own soon.

So from where I'm seated now, I can see eyecandy (her back at least) at the corner of my eyes.

Oh yes, you must be thinking "Andrea's having a field day". Well, that was what I was feeling on the 1st day. Which also explains the "positive outlook on life" entry yesterday.

No no, don't be mistaken, I'm not upset that I get an eyeful for almost 8 hours a day. Its just that it's becoming too much of a distraction. Seriously.

And no, I'm not totally transfixed on her for 8 hours. I just find myself "looking with the corner of my eyes" at every movement she makes. Knn. It's fucking distracting please.

Now you're going "Nnb, cannot see also complain, see also complain". Then don't read my blog lah you shit head. It just occurred to me that, I really have to do something about this crush /obsession /infatuation /distraction (or whatever you want to call it).

So tell me, what should I do?
1. Just forget the whole thing for the rest of your life.

2. Make a move before the end of the month. (Which means hitting on her and if you choose this, suggestions please because she's really quiet and if I do make a move, its gotta be discreet. I'm on my Student Internship Programme.)

3. Get to know her better first and make a move later. (Note: I'll be with a different department from July onwards. Which actually doesn't matter because we're still in the same office.)

I'm asking for help here. So please. I'm really sick and tired of getting all confused on what I should do. I can't take it anymore.

"Don't know if I should let you know or wait it out girl"

Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny

Yet another disturbed night of sleep. Waking up time to time from ludicrous dreams. Diagnosed with viral infection. On my way to work, man next to me on the MRT couldn't stop shaking his leg.

Pretty bad start to mid-week Wednesday. To me at least.

No, I'm not going to whine about how bad my day has been. Which morons "offended" me or how certain parts of my hair sticks out in the morning.

It's on mornings like these when I truly appreciate the genuine care and concern shown to me even by strangers.

Cell rings at 0600 sharp. Caller ID reflected 'Best Friend' calling. I was about to press the answer button and scream my lungs out at her because I'm supposed to still have at least another 30 minutes of sleep.

I didn't scream of course. I was too groggy and half asleep to scream. Plus, she gave a bright and cheery Good Morning and followed on to invite me for a McDonald's breakfast date. **1st thing that made my day. Don't ask why, it just did.

My colleague went down to buy some food and drinks for teabreak. Pssst. The big bosses are all away. She being the sweet girl she is, she bought me Chocolate Yan Yan! *beams. **3rd thing that made my day.

Now I'm going to the 2nd thing that kept me smiling for the rest of the day.

After my half-eaten lunch. It was terrible Hong Kong Noodles (knn. $4 can?!) and loss of appetite (nothing to do with eyecandy sitting opposite me), my colleagues and I sat around and had a chat.

Eyecandy then asked "Are you feeling better?" (note: accompanied with a grin and the look of "Are you sure you are sick or were you just lazy?"). *double beam.

Honestly if she didn't give that look, I would still be as happy. But anyway, I asked her on MSN later what was that look for and all she did was say "What look? Haha." and the "Angel" emoticon. *triple beam.

Okay, I'm mad and obessed but my point is, its the little things that matter when you least expect it. So go on, make someone's day. I'm going to try to make someone's day tomorrow. Regardless of whether I know the person.

"When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul"

Safe In A Crazy World

Today I present to you my dysfunctional life. In total, I have 2 *cough cough* official spouses. Okay okay, maybe not spouses but partners.

First and foremost, my husband, Mr Adam Brody.


He's like the cutest guy ever. I mean he's geeky, humourous and such an odd ball. Perfect man to marry. Sorry he's taken by me already.

Of course there's my wife, Miss Katherine Moennig.


Fuck. She's fucking hot. Tell me my fellow grrls out there. Don't you just want her so bad? And again, SHE'S MINE.

---

So yes I have this thing for dark hair, a charismatic smile and a set of eyes that melt your soul.

Eyes being the most important of all. The twinkle when one smiles, the glint of excitement and the sadness that just shows.

Bringing myself back into reality, scent is important. 2 people smell different even when they are using the same perfume or cologne.

I remember the smell from 3 years ago, Estee Lauder - Pleasure For Men.
I remember the smell from 3 months ago, Clinique - Happy For Men.
I remember the smell from 3 days ago, I have no idea what the hell you were wearing.

Now I want to know what's YOUR smell.

That sounded sick but I'm sure some understand what I mean. All I know is that I'm in deep shit this time round. I've fallen so hard for someone I hardly know.

So it wasn't love at first sight, it was more like love at third sight.

I've landed my focus on something completely out of my mind and literally out of my reach. I feel like some sick psycho star struck hormonal raging teenage girl.

This obsession has to stop. Somehow, I don't know how.

"I try to smile my tears away"

Human Scum

Humans are all judgmental creatures. Everyone judges someone else in one way or another. Be it looks, rumours or just what someone does or says.

I admit I do that too. Its in all of us, isn't it? You'll always unknowingly judge someone.

You want to know what's the most disgusting type of humans? Friends who judge and then backstab. Wait then they shouldn't be called friends. You two faced bitches.

Firstly, its none of your business. Secondly, you tell me this and then go around talking about me. Hello, haven't you heard the Chinese phrase, "The walls have ears".

Then there's the other type, let's name the person A. A tells B that C was talking about me. The next day D tells B that A was talking about me with C. The irony.

Since I'm such a hot topic, yall are very much welcomed to continue.

---

Its back to work again tomorrow. *sigh. I can't wait for my pay day. Its time to return all the debts and owe no one anything. Before they think you owe them the world.

"obesession kills"

Tempted To Touch

I'm so dammit cranky. Like major. 2 and a half hours of sleep. Who wouldn't feel sleepy? When Andrea's sleepy, she's cranky. You know how it works.

Today is zho sai kang day at work. Been sorting fucking god knows how many hundreds or thousands of NAMECARDS. Geographically, niche and alphabetically. After 8 hours, I'm still not done with it.

Entry in e-journal:

10 June 2005, Friday
Today, I learnt my ABCs. I can
memorize my ABCs now. Abcdefghijklmnopqurstuvwxyz. I feel so accomplished.
*double beams.

Sorry, just being bitchy.

Gotham Penthouse last night (explains the lack of sleep). Butch Hunt 2005 Preview. I shan't comment on the contestants. Go preview them for yourselves and you'll know why I'm not saying anything. Haha.

It feels good to be back in the scene. It felt like home (no, not the old monks) for PLU (people like us). Haha. Almost everyone in the community was there. Turnout for finals is going to be even bigger I reckon.

Heard Rupee's Tempted To Touch so many times on both Perfect 10 and Power 98 today. Even the radio has to remind me of what kind of person I am now. Thanks. But I don't give a fuck shit.

I received 2 pieces of "news" there as well. Okay, 1 piece of news and 1 "test water result". Lol.

I wouldn't say the news was bad news. It was more like "Omg. I'm so fucking insulted news". But then again it's none of my business.

"Test water result" not good not good. I've got my eyes on you and you try to match make me with your friend. Of course not good result la. Argh.

"I'm not who I used to be"

Divine Intervention

On MC yesterday. Bloody (literally) cramps. Made me sulk through my whole day.

Today's a brand new day. I'm in an extremely good mood. Like extremely. *beams. Its as if angels touched me with the tips of their fingers. You get the gist.

Nothing, noone and I repeat, nothing can spoil my mood today. *double beam. :))

"I've got my eyes on you"

Straight Isn't Normal, Its Just Common

Serious Monday blues. It felt like getting knocked down by a SBS bus over and over again. Not consecutively but after short intervals.

Tested waters today. *sigh. Obviously not a positive test result but there's still hope I reckon. I hope time's on my side. What's yours will be yours.

When you really just need to cry it all out, the tears just seem to disappear. When you don't, its like Chinablack Jade (ladies night; free flow house pours).

I made plans. Wrote notes. Thought through it carefully. Made mental notes.

I couldn't and didn't carry the plan out in the end. My best friend saved me. Thank you dear.

Thank you for those who still let me know I have you guys around. Thanks darlings. Like Marilyn says, "Good or bad, life continues". I shall bear that in mind.

---

Back from a smoke break with my colleague. She lives opposite me. Office hours smoke together. After office hours, still smoke together.

Monster In Law with Queky and Julia after work. Its a good movie to watch if you're feeling crappy or just plain depressed. The movie's really funny. Go catch it. I feel like slamming some faces in cakes and whacking them with a pan after the movie. Sweet.

Thank you Queky for everything. I'm glad I didn't lose you today. :))

---

Anyway, check this blog entry out. Good stuff.

"Anything that you want me to I'll do it"

The Last Dinner

I cooked dinner for myself. When I say I cooked dinner, it doesn't mean maggi mee. I cooked myself a nice proper meal.

Its always nice being alone. Spending some quality time with yourself. But when it becomes excessive, its not so fun after all. Especially when you have a phobia of being alone. Then again, who doesn't fear loneliness.

December 2002. The loneliest month I've spent in my life. Should I go through it all over again? It was after all, after that month that my loved ones came back to me.

Engulfed and buried by work. That's what cause December 2002 to be so memorable. Can I do it again? I hardly doubt so. I'll try no matter what.

I miss swensen's sticky chewy chocolate fights. I miss writing I hate you all over your desk. I miss Fantasy Island and Shaggy's Angel. I miss bus 55 rides to and fro school with you. 4 years of memories. 4 different people.

Goodbye world for awhile.

Caught Up

Its nice to wake up at 2 in the afternoon. Finally caught up with much needed beauty sleep. Irony is I'm now awake at 7 am and I haven't slept cause I'm at Yihan's with Queky.

The two are asleep and here I am typing away on Yihan's computer. Sweet.

Its a Sunday which means in about 24 hours, Eyecandy. Heh. I know I've been going on and on and on about Eyecandy. But hey, its MY blog and you're always welcomed to NOT read it.

Week 3 of SIP. I seriously hope that this week is going to be exciting because I'm getting sick of "acting busy". Really I am.

After almost 3 months, I suddenly miss you. But then again, its all over and I don't want it back.

December 2002 starts on Monday. Good Morning world.

And I can't figure it out but I'm so
Caught up
Got me feelin' it
Caught up
I don't know what it is
But it seems she got me twisted
I'm so caught up
Got me feelin' it
Caught up
I'm losin' control
This girl's got a hold
I'm so caught up
Really feelin' it

The Long Day Is Over

Listening to Norah Jones again, that pretty much explains the title and my mood. Its been a bad Friday. Noone knows how bad.

My eyes are shutting as I type. I haven't been getting enough sleep, about an average of 4 hours a day?

Smoke breaks, lunch and her are the only things that are keeping me from breaking down while working.

Suddenly the world world came crashing down on me. I don't even know how I feel. I just stone the minutes and hours of the days away.

With too much free time and travelling time alone, thoughts flood my head full. So much so, that there's this irritating headache that refuses to go away. Fuck.

She's a good distraction. I found myself smiling at the stupidest things. What stupid things? That's my secret. Limiting my thoughts with reference to her though. I don't want a distraction to end up an obsession.

Plus, to everyone there, I'm so young and blah blah. Why would she be attracted to a lil girl like me? But then again, I've always preferred doing the chasing rather than the other way around. Okay, I'm thinking too much. Its the only way to stop all the pain.

It feels like December 2002 all over again. Maybe I'll turn back time and do what I did in December 2002. No not maybe, that's just what I'm going to do.

"The twinkle in your eyes when you smile"

Look Who's Talking

Dinner at TM with Quek. Pastamania was it. 3 slices of garlic bread, bowl of mushroom soup, coke and chicken sausage spaghetti without peas in aglio olio style. Yes I finished it all. Wipeout please. Fuckshit full now.
Thanks Queky for ditching your plans and meeting me for dinner. Really appreciate it dear. Loves.

I never felt more comfortable going to work in tapered pants, shoes and polo tee, carrying my Crumpler. All the office wear and heels seems so fucking wrong on me. Plus, not to mention, its fucking uncomfortable.

Work was hell busy today. All of a sudden, everyone has something for me to do. Hello, I've only got a pair of hands and quite an empty brain. It was good, time passed real fast and I was also busy chatting and laughing at stupid things with my supervisor.

I learnt plenty of news things about myself today. That I'm a liar. *gasp. That I'm oblivious to everything else around me on purpose. * big gasp. That when it comes to friends, I would pick quantity over "quality". *GASP. Thank you for informing me. I really appreciate it. Like really.

My perception of relationships has changed since the previous. I'm not oblivious to it. My best friend told me the same.

I've never bothered about what people said about me and that according to my 2 besties, it irritates them cause anyone can say anything and I won't give two hoots. Anyway, like Quek says, its now "Andrea fights back time". I'll keep it short and sweet.

How much of me do you know in about a month? You know no shit. Judge if you want, I don't give a fuck shit.

Oh yeah. One thing I didn't learn? According to you I'm in denial of reality. Check the dictionary for Abnegation.

Okay, game over. Bedtime.

"And like a blade you stain"

Identity Crisis

First and foremost, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEL! :))
Hope you enjoyed your party on Friday and have fun with your Lomo! Have a blast and may all your wishes and future endeavours be fufilled. I love you loads and I'll always be here for you kay sister? Once again, Happy 20th! Loves.

Slotting rate cards and sales letters for one whole day, basically a brainless job. So as I was doing the mentioned, I decided to give my lil brain a nice workout. Now I've finally concluded that I am one sexually (in terms of preference) disoriented 19 year old.

As most of you or rather, everyone knows I'm not attracted to the opposite sex (note: minus my husband, Adam Brody). Physically, mentally or even emotionally its almost been impossible.

I've only had 1 serious relationship with a guy and it ended up in a pretty big mess. Considering I fought with my best friend literally in school because of him. The infidelity and lies. Men.

Then there was (note that I use was not is, I prefer to think that he's dead) my father, who was pretty much the same. Infidelity, lies and violence. Men.

Add on the fact that I preferred girls since I was 13 even before my first and only till date BGR. My conclusion: I still like girls better.

"A hot minute for a life of sorrow"

Boys Are Smelly

I'm so tired now that I can fall face flat on my keyboard. I'm so hungry that I can eat a whole field of grass with cows grazing. I'm so cranky that I will shoot the next person who pisses me off.

Read the title again. Yes, boys are smelly. David & Goliath. Did I spell it correctly? Fuck it. Random but it's because I saw some David & Goliath products earlier. Funkay shit. Boys are smelly, throw stones at them. *beams.

Work's been fine. No complains except that I dread having nothing to do. That's the ultimate torture.

Bugis-ed with Dawn and Pris on Monday. Town-ed with Dan on Tuesday. Window shopping with Dawn tomorrow. Eh. I don't want to go already. Its the dammit Great Singapore Sale and I've already filed "Chapter 11" (Tourism Students, remember your Airline Business stuff anot?).

Window shopping makes me 'gian' only please. I already saw a couple of things today. )):
Paul Frank's - I Love Julius Pouch (Okay I know I have one already but this one is different!), Voodoo Dolls Skirt, Shoes, Le Tigre Polo Tee, Havaianas (Yes yes, I have 2 pairs but I want more!). Aiya, neh neh no money.

Anyway, main purpose of blogging is to announce..... *drumroll... I've found a motivation to wake up at 0630, Monday to Friday and tahan 8 bloody long hours. *giggles. Eyecandy alert! Woohoo. Its a small small world. *giggles. Okay, enough of being cute. Nighty night night. Lol.

I still like pretty girls.

Negative Karma

Finally got a chance to spend quality time with my best friend. Long John's Silver, MacDonald's and Madagascar. ((:

The first half of the movie was pretty good. Funny like shit please. The second half, er, I don't know cause I fell asleep for the first time during a movie. I was that tired please. Heh.

Had a good chat with Quek. *smiles. She's the only one who's able to see through me like a glass sheet and love me for being me.

---

Been wanting to blog about this for a long time, I reckon today's the day. I don't really care if it gets me into trouble again cause this is how I feel and this is my blog.

So maybe I am self-conceited, self absorbed, narcissistic, tactless, blunt, rude, violent, insensitive, and whatever else you have to add on.

If anyone has something against me, say it to my face. Gossip and rumours aren't the way to let me know. If anyone really cares and really misses me, call me and arrange an outing. Not proclaiming you do when I seriously wonder if you do.

Its not going to work if I'm the only one who is bothered. Get it?

I hate friendships that disappear into thin air for god knows what reasons. I hate people who tell me one thing and do another. I hate broken promises and lies. I hate every one of you.

I wished work would get real busy soon. Cause I'm sick and tired of all of you and at least then I wouldn't have the time so worry so much about dying friendships.

---

I love Mummy. I love Pain in My Ass Manda Lim. I love Quekypoo. I love Sotong Sel Ham. I love Ah Ryl. I love Marilyn. I love Shawn Low. I love Cousin. I love Sister Mel.

I love them because these are the ones who keep me sane and insane at the same time. They ask after me once in a while, crack silly jokes to cheer me up, tease me and so on.

But not everyone has been meeting me often enough or even talking to me often enough. I miss you.

Okay, so yes I am feeling depressed. Whatever.

The Weekends

The much awaited weekends finally came. It will be gone in another 14 hours though. Oh well. Tomorrow, its week 2 of SIP. Argh. 22 more weeks to go please.

Met Shawn dearest for coffee after work on Friday. He owes me too many ice creams and coffees already la. Haha. That avid photographer managed to snoop a couple of pictures of me. Pretty nice though. Not me la, the perspective and the background deh.
Please meet me more often kay bro? Now we're working near one another, there's no excuse. Lol.

Sister Mel's birthday party at The Gallery Hotel after that. Room 608. The party was fantastic. Alcohol galore, laughter, food and beautiful people for company. The party gave me a chance to meet my much missed homeless darlings.
Mel, thanks for the party. I enjoyed myself. Hope you liked your present from us. Take care and call me anytime kay dear? Love you.

Stayed till 0700 in the morning. Tiong Bahru market for breakfast! I miss having breakfast there. *faint smile.
Hello Cousin, Sal, Rachiee, Queky, Jon, Mel. I still miss yall like fuck please. Meet me for dinner/lunch soon please. Take care. Loves.

I then spent my whole Saturday sleeping. From Saturday 1100 - Sunday 0500. Not bad huh? I am so going to do something today. I'm not staying at home to fucking rot please.



I've never felt more lonely before.

Confessions of A Bored Intern

Shhh. Don't tell anyone I'm writing this entry on Microsoft Word in the office. Oh right, my blog is public.

It's 1520 hours now, another 2 hours and 15 minutes till I'm out of here. Today's the 3rd Day of my internship, another 22 weeks and I'm really out of here.

Kept myself busy the whole morning with the questionnaire and then did a cover letter. Shan't disclose too many details before I get sued for god knows what.

So now, I have nothing to do. After I was done with the cover letter I asked for more work and she said this to me on MSN (Yes we communicate through MSN Messenger. How cool right?):

Supervisor: I know you're really bored now. But there is nothing for you to do at the moment. So just act busy.

Me: Lol. Okay. No problem.

Supervisor: Shhh. Don't tell ***(My HR Manager) that I said this!

Me: Don't worry. Goes in one ear, out the other. Lol.

So I'm "blogging", sms-ing, msn-ing and surfing Tomorrow. If you don't know Tomorrow, I suggest you search for the nearest pillar and bang your head against it.

Tomorrow is the Singapore "blog" for Singaporean bloggers. Where people send in interesting (in every context) blog entries that they read about, Singaporean or Non-Singaporean. It is also some sort of a portal for fellow bloggers to interact and what not blah blah. Trust me, go read it you'll find many funny entries.

With editors like Mr. Brown, Mr. Miyagi , Xiaxue and Cowboy Caleb, you're in for a good laugh at the comments they give. Kudos to all editors and contributors for making my currently boring internship (as it's not peak season for the publications) much more enjoyable with the funky contributions.

Psst. I want to kena Tomorrow-ed also leh.

Day 1, 2 and Counting

Good News: I'm attatched to the publications team (or better known as the Travel (Sales) team).
Bad News: For a time frame of 5 weeks.

Its better than nothing I reckon. At least I get a gist of it. :))

My in-charge of the publications team is a quirky, funny, sweet ex-hospitality student with a slight addiction of shopping during lunch time. Haha. She's really nice and funky. Totally not strict but I still have to adhere to rules because of the HR manager.

Day 1
2 hour orientation. Was first briefed about the corporate structure by HR then my in-charge briefed me about the different publications. Technically there are 6 publications but they have plenty of sub-publications.

Spent the whole day reading the past issues of their publications. I felt like a walking hospitality and tourism encyclopedia at the end of the day.

First day, first project. The project is actually a request from the Managing Director (I have yet to meet him). Best part about it? Its a competitive analysis. Equivalent to Applied Research. Someone rescue me. I'm doing it all alone. The thought that my MD wants it just gets me even more stressed..

One thing for sure is I won't be able to see the whole project through cause I'll be with the Events Team in 4 weeks. Oh well. I'd rather see it through as much as I hate Applied Research. Zhang Wei just has to haunt me even when she's not my LO or ALO.

Day 2
Complied the mock up show diary for the upcoming event. It involved papers, pen knife and scotch tape. Good old handicraft work which took me almost the whole morning.

After lunch was my greatest nightmare. I practically stoned all the way till work ended. So damned fucking boring can. I rather have a whole lotta work to do. Couldn't do much for the competitive analysis cause we're not sure what my MD wants in the first place.

So it was pretty much stoning, day-dreaming, doodling and finding methods to prevent myself from falling asleep. Boy, I'm tired after all that.

Honestly, I'm enjoying myself so far. No complains what so ever. Hope it continues the way it is, minus the having nothing to do part of course.

How are my fellow course mates doing? Update your blogs so I can read yeah. Take care and have fun everyone!

I'm losing control this girl's got a hold.

Pre-SIP Jitters

I can't sleep. This is not good. :((

God bless me.

Monday Blues

22 hours to the end of freedom.

Pasir Ris Park with Quekypoo and Rachiee. The 2 chickens didn't dare to scale the "spiderweb".

MOS Burger at TM with Dan and Queky after that. I ate so much yesterday. Ba Chor Mee, Vegetarian Bee Hoon, MOS Chicken Burger, 4 pieces Chicken Nuggets and Microwave Nonya Sambal Chicken with Rice from 7-11. *burps.

Headed for a Daytona challenge. *ahem. I won again. Like what's new? Lol. *smirks. Challenge anyone?

Mahjong at Yihan's with Queky and Pam all the way till 0600. Pssst. Miss Darth Vader fell asleep on her bed halfway. Lousy.

Yes, I'm still awake. :))

Revenge of the Sith later at PS, 1830. I hope I don't fall asleep because currently my eyelids seem to be failing me. I seem to be in Queky's one eye asleep mode. Zzzzz.

Wait wait, I need to say this:
Wah lan eh. KNNBCBBLPPL Fucking fucktards bitch slut bastard fuck @#$^*&)#!@#.

Jin random leh. Just felt like that. Lol. Ya la, I'm cranky, grumpy, sleepy and what neh neh sai you have la okay arses.

I want to go back to school, I don't want to go for SIP. :((

If only I could turn back time.

The Untold Story of The Future

Good morning world. Its a bright and beautiful Saturday morning.

As usual, I haven't slept. Neither am I planning to sleep later or anytime soon.

I have to fix this reversed body clock of mine that thinks I'm living on the other side of the globe. Not sleeping is probably the only way to get it fixed, I think.

Kingdom of Heaven with Queky and Yihan earlier this morning at Tampines Mall - Golden Village. Prata at 0400 at some coffee shop next to Holy Trinty Church after that.

Despite all the negative comments I have received about Kingdom of Heaven, I would say that its a rather good movie. Inspiring is the word I reckon. Go catch it and see if you share my sentiments.

After prata, we settled down and talked about pretty much a lot of things. School, SIP and the future.

The glint of excitement in their eyes as they talked about going back to their "normal" school lives; checking out the freshies, endless projects and late nights, screaming for each other from one end to another (Design School is small enough for that), evoked a sense of desire of doing likewise.

Of course it is literally impossible to scream for someone in Business School. Firstly Business is too big and everyone around you would start staring. I can hear Quek going, "Yeah, business students are boring and stuck up just because they are supposedly the smartest faculty in TP what".

I'm going to be devoid of meeting up with the gang during breaks, glaring at those who shake their legs in my presence during lectures, smoking sessions with Marilyn at the reservoir, running to ITAS Ultra Supplies to print reports and projects, calling Queky on the phone bugging her to visit me in Business, running to tutorials because I'm late, staying in the labs till 2200, okay the list can go on and on, for 24 fucking weeks till the final semester starts.

Moving on to the topic of SIP, I popped the question of whether they truly enjoyed and learned from their 8 week stint with their respective companies. I'm glad I got a positive answer.

The topic of what we were going to do after graduating crept into the conversation unknowingly.

Yihan wants to get her degree in media studies in Australia. Quek wants her degree but doesn't know what she's planning to do after graduation and prefers to not think about it yet. Queky please don't go back to the States, I'll be devastated.

As for me? After thinking for about 6 months, honestly I'm not sure. I want my degree but I know my own financial condition would not allow it.

SQ Stewardess? Sales & Marketing in a hotel? Events? Attractions? Discovery Travel & Living? *grins at Queky. You'd never know. The future is just a blur haze.

Put it this way. I don't know if everyone knows that I never planned to be doing Tourism Management.

What I really wanted after O's was Fine Arts at Lasalle. Painting was and still is my passion. The smell of oils, fingers stained with the smell of turpentine, the texture of the paint when its dried, manipulation of the colours and the satisfaction of knowing that there is nothing else you can do to the painting. I miss all these.

Then there was Mass Communications at Ngee Ann. The interviewers told me straight in my face that I was digging my own grave when they shot me this question "Why not Lasalle since you've got the passion and the talent for painting". My answer? "Financially incapable".

I guess they were right. If you dare to dream, be brave to do it. But they didn't understand and I don't blame them. My life is such that it has revolve around making money. Fine Arts at Lasalle is not going to bring food to the table.

Most artists are poor and as shallow as it sounds, I'm tired of being poor. I want to go back to the days of spending money without a worry or at least knowing I have enough for necessities.

First two options were out so the rest I left to fate. First choice for JAE was Law Management at TP. No idea why they posted me to Business (which was like my 4th/5th choice) at TP since I met the cut off for Law. I'm glad now I didn't do Law.

Then there was Tourism. Headed for the interview with my cousin. I went to accompany her. Voila, I got accepted on the spot and she didn't.

I didn't sign the acceptance letter and thought I was stuck with Business. Then two enrolment packages came. In the end it was Tourism because my mum preferred Tourism (she was in the hotel line for awhile).

I'm glad fate brought me to Tourism. Through the past 2 years, I've developed an intense passion and interest for the industry. This is where I see myself in the future.

But then again, you'd never know do you.

Snoop Dogg

Its 0409 and I'm bored shitless and suffering from a reversed body clock.

So I decided to snoop around my SIP company's website and check out what events they have planned and are planning.

I know I'm supposed to know all these but I went for the interview like months ago so why the fuck would I remember.

They plan CTW (Corporate Travel World Asia-Pacific) and IT&CMA (Incentive Travel & Conventions, Meetings Asia) annually I think.

This year both events are combined and held in Pattaya from the 11th to the 13th of October.

Then there's TTM (Thailand Travel Mart) and ITS (International Travel Show), 15th to the 19th of June, held together (again) in Bangkok or affectionately known to Tourism Students as BKK. Anyone misses Airline Business and Amadeus? Sorry, digressing there.

Woohoo. Since I'm going to be part of the events team. I pray I pray I get to go to Thailand. Especially Bangkok. I honestly don't mind an all expenses paid for trip. Hur.

Although the company was established in Singapore (SIN) and parent company is in Hong Kong (HKG), they quite fancy Thailand huh.

Eh eh. What's the City Code for Pattaya? Anyone remembers? Tag me please. Thankyouverymuch.

Oh oh. I stumbled upon some profiles of my colleagues to be as well. Interesting.

Cigarettes and Alcohol

Chinablack Jade, 2rd week in a row. I officially declare that I'm sick of clubbing. I'm going to abstain from it for quite awhile.

I've had my fair share of alcohol; getting high and drunk, cigarettes; excessive smoking and music; same old clubbing music, the past 3 - 4 weeks to satisfy my desire for clubbing. Which equals to no Zouk tomorrow. Sorry girls.

Plus, I'm totally bankrupt already. I have no idea how am I going to survive my first week of internship when I'm zero. Sugar Daddy anyone?

The Virgin Suicides at Dan's place earlier. Woohoo. I just love that movie. :))

Had a small puking session. No idea why. Puked for about 4 - 5 times. Urghh. Gross. I'm feeling mighty fine now though.

Have you ever felt so distant from the closest people in your life? I have. I'm feeling that right now. All because of lack of communication. I miss my best friend and my mum.

Sometimes your voice is loudest when its written down.

Cute Without The E
-- edited*

Thanks to Kailing I've got it fixed. Why didn't I think of putting a negative in front?! Omg Andrea. Anyhoos, still ain't totally completed. I wanna play around with the text colours. Till I'm free then. :)) -- 1714 hours

Bah. New layout. But its still not completed yet. Not really in the mood for html. My navigation bar is blocking my body text. At least that's how it looks like using Netscape and Internet Explorer. Cousin says it looks fine on Safari.

So those using IE/Mozilla/Netscape and what other nonsense. Let me know if its blocking okay? I wouldn't mind some help from a html genius as well. Buggershitcrap.

So yes, I'm here to update rather unwillingly. There's nothing much I want to say. No idea why. Kinda weird coming from someone who blogs every other day ehs? Oh whatever.

Okay, I'm feeling blah/cranky.

Oh oh. Guess what? I'm broke again. Yeah, its like old old news on this blog. Andrea's always broke. Wtf right. Not good considering I owe Queky and Cousin money. Kns.

One thing I'm glad is that my whole week is pretty packed with activities and what not. Let's do a run through:

Wednesday: Sleep till late afternoon. Granny's place for dinner. Chinablack with my 2 darlings; Ryl & Marilyn. (I'm going to take the first bus home. Haha.)

Thursday: Stay home and do some cleaning/chores.

Friday: Zouk with the homeless girls.

Saturday: Some filming thingy with Dan

Sunday: Sentosa!

Monday: Stay home and suffer from Pre-SIP Jitters. LOL.

Roughly that's about it I think.

Okay, so what have I been up to the past few days.

Friday: Caught the movie "Are We There Yet?" with the homeless. Fucking waste of my moohlah dammit. The show was so dammit lame. It wasn't funny. If you think its cause Andrea is a "un-humorous" person. No it isn't me. It was the damned cheat my $8.50 movie. Neh neh.

Saturday/Sunday: Met the homeless boys really late in town. Pool at Lucky Plaza. Roamed about and ended up at Dan's place with Rayve in the end. Watched City Of God and Garden State then stayed up the whole day camping out on his couch watching cable. Cabbed home all the way from Bukit Timah.

Monday: I was a good girl so I stayed home and slept till 1900 hours. Lol.

Tuesday: Wanton mee at Sunshine Plaza with SalDanMerv. Woot. Fried wanton with mayo. Not bad. Roamed about town again. Like what's new. Starbucks at Liat Towers.

Oh oh. Anyone wants to go for the Esprit Sale. I can bring another 2 people. Its exclusive to membership card holders only. Fri, Sat and Sun 1930 - 2300 hours. Text me if you want me to bring you along or if you want more details.

Okay. So the whole entry is full of nonsensical rubbish. Like I always say. IF YOU BLOODY DON'T LIKE IT, THEN DON'T FUCKING READ MY BLOG. *ahem. There you have it.

Sometimes a satisfying lie is better than the awful truth.

Stone-nation

**Warning: Major long entry. Prolly the longest since I started blogging for almost 3 years now.

So yes I blogged about 2 hours ago? I'm just bored shitless and all cranky. I'm tired but I don't want to sleep. Get the gist of it now?

I'm sick of all the R&B/Hip Hop music in my computer. Yes. You heard it first. I'm fucking sick and tired of it. So now Norah Jones's Come Away With Me album is playing instead.

Blog surfing. The only few who seem to be enjoying their SIP stint so far are the Ritz Carlton people, Pan Pacific people, basically those who are doing something they're passionate about I reckon.

Fuck shittards. The more I think about TTG the more I dread it. I need to look through my MEIT notes. Considering out of so many MEIT lectures and tutorials, I only turned up for 2 tutorials and 3 lectures.

I'm basically screwed major. Okay, I got an overall B grade for MEIT in the end, cause of the shit loads of effort Ryl and I put in for the damned report. I miss the days of staying up till 0700 doing the report.

Side-tracking there. So as I was saying, I'm screwed because I'm going to events and I know fuck shit about this sector of the industry.

Everytime a senior asks where I'm posted to for SIP, and I go "TTG", they give me this horrified look then pat my shoulder and tell me good luck. Like wtf. When I ask for details, everyone just decides to shut their trap when they shouldn't and not say a single thing.

Fucking scaring the fuck outta me. Plus the fact that the previous batch had 3-4 interns and this time round I'm fucking alone. *screams.

By just reading what some of my fellow coursemates who are in events are doing during their internship, I'm ready to take a knife and slit my own throat. Okay, if you have the passion for it, then its okay. But when you happen to hate this sector of the Hospitality & Tourism industry, you'll know how I feel.

Okay, sorry. I was just going all paranoid about SIP. Pre-SIP jitters. Keep an open mind Andrea! Dammit.

So before I start my nightmare of becoming a typical Raffles Place office lady and have to time to blog proper (Cringes at the thought of reserving seats by putting tissue packs on tables, dressed like an office lady, babbling and gossiping about office politics. Sorry sidetracking again.) , I'm going to do random shoutouts to people who actually read this shit.

Sel* Self-proclaimed Princess Sotong Seline Han. I'm missing you hell loads. I'm going to arrange a day out for the 2 of us before both of us start SIP. I've got fuck loads to talk to you about and I haven't been shopping with you in years. Literally. Please take care of yourself you butterfly eyes. Love you plenty plenty.

Quek* My one and only Quekypoo. Things have been kinda rough for us lately but you'll always be my bestie no matter what okay? I'm sorry if I've hurt you in anyway and I know I did. It sucks that you're doing your SIP during my last holiday cause I have no fucking holiday because SIP fucking lasts till there's only 1 week of hols before Year 3, Sem 2 starts. Fuck shit. Okay yes, please remember I'll always love you okay? Love you plenty plenty too.

Ryl* Lil Miss Cheryl Chan Mali Chan! *big grin. I fucking miss you like hell please. So anyhoos, when are you going to meet me for coffee or some alcohol with funky music and dirty dancing? When when when? I'm glad that you're having a good time with Ritz Carlton. Pray hard for me. I miss the days that we would have to stay up till 0700 or go to school without sleep cause we were working our asses off for the project. I'm so proud the 2 of us did rather well for those projects. Miss and love you plenty my perfect project partner.

Chy* Chynna Woon SM! Muahaha. I don't know if you'll read this but wth. My all so pretty friend whom I had to double up as a bodyguard fending off disgusting little boys in Year 1, Sem 1. Resulting in her darling thinking that we were a couple. Hah. Hope Ritz is treating you well too. Miss you and your blur antics lots! Don't fall asleep at work ah! Loves.

Jem* Yishun! Heh heh. The one guy that I had something against because he looks like my ex from hell. Looks are deceiving. Everytime I think of you and Chy I smile. Haha. Mr Butler to be at Raffles Hotel, enjoy your stint there and take good care.

Shaun* Shaun Chong! Boo! Okay, random. But yes, hello! Haha. How have you been? Sorry about the delay about the money I owed you previously. So sorry ehs? Take care and have fun at Raffles too!

Kerrie* Keke! I've read and heard that you've become way bitchier than you normally are after going to Meritus Mandarin. I mean, I've seen it but prolly not in full force mode. Haha. What have they done to you?! Hope you're enjoying yourself there as well. Miss you loads dear. Take care yeahs.

Joseph* Jo-Seph!! Heh. Hope you're doing "all right" at Pan Pacific. Haha. You seem pretty happy there. Take good care and see you soon kays?

Jo-Ron-Brian-Trev-Becks* Hey guys, hope you guys have fun at Vox Productions, Ritz Carlton, Gallery Hotel, Saint Pierre and Flutes respectively. Take care!

Marilyn* My fellow coursemate cum smoking partner at Bedok Reservoir (rain or shine) cum bitching partner cum clubbing kaki. I'm going to miss all our smoking and clubbing sessions so fucking much please. Argh. Remember to buy plenty plenty of Sunblock cause I don't want you to be unrecognisable after you come back from your stint at Sentosa. I'll visit you when you get posted to your F&B outlet. Yes, I'm praying hard for you that it will be km8 cause that's where my queen belongs right? Love you loads Mei Nu.

Adele-Mels-Jerms* Lee Siew Mai, ACE Daytons seems to have already stolen you away. Is events THAT horrible? :( Take care babe! Melissa Tomato Chew Pang Sai. We're going to meet for lunch and reserve tables like office ladies since our offices are relatively close. Take care too! Mr. Britney Spears. 1 sentence for you. Cathay Pacific/CX sucks. No la, you seem to be enjoying but you CX people all seem pretty worn out. Take care!

Ryna* Hey Rynnie! Heh. Hope CX is treating you fine too. It was nice bumping into you that day. You look pretty tired and what not. Please take good care.

Aaron-Ashraf-Mahathir-Zhi Fan* Hello you SATS boys. Haha. Is Aaron in SATS? I can't remember. Anyhoos, will miss you mad guys! Have fun at SATS and update me yeahs.

Winnie* Hey girl, please cheer up yeah. You entries are all so depressing. Hope Valuair is fun for you. Maybe I shouldn't have rejected Valuair after all. Oh well. Take care dear! Note: We have yet to club together before.

Shawn* Shawn Low Tze Kheng. I know I owe you an outing with my short skirt. LOL. Now everyone is going to know you're a big pervert! Muahaha. My future boss who is going to pay me 10k a month as his Personal Assistant. You owe me truckloads of ice cream you liar! When are you going to sign me in to ZOUK?! Smack you. Take care and enjoy while you can before serving the nation you ladies man.

Mac* Hello the one who got me dead drunk at Zouk the previous time. Haha. Not your fault. Just kidding. Please take care yes? Hope to talk to you soon! -hugs.

Denise* Bet you didn't expect to see your name? Its weird how we got to know one another but that was almost a year ago? Strange Deja Vu ehs? Please try to cheer up dear. Don't do silly things anymore. Take care babe.

Leong* Leong Cui Shan Cheryl! Now happening already la. NUS has finally let you off on holidays. Please take care and I miss clubbing with you! Those were the days at Madmonks man. Lol.

Bessy* Hey, its been awhile since we've spoken or seen one another. Hope you're doing fine. Say hi to bitbit and tumtum for me. Take care yeah.

Dawn* Boo! Haha. Glad that after 5 years of no contact what so every, we're talking again. Take care and enjoy your trip to San Frans later in the year kay? :)

Mervyn* Cousin!! Heh. Thanks for the wake up calls and the "scolding" you gave me yeahs. Really glad to know you. Love you much much worx. Haha. Please remember to visit me during my SIP!

Mel* Sister! Another long lost relative. I'm glad we've bonded so much in such a short period of time. I love you loads! Please take care and remember I'm always here kays? Much love.

Rachel* Rachiiiee. Haha. The mad/scary one. No la, not scared of you anymore. Zouk zouk zouk next friday to celebrate the end of your SIPs and the start of mine. :( Take care dear.

Jon* Looks are deceiving. I'm going to drag you to Sentosa and check out your abs. LOL. Omg, I sound so wrong. But ya, thanks for the talks too. Take care fellow homeless.

Sal* My ninja master. Firstly, stop failing me please. Thankyouverymuch. Haha. Thanks for being brutally honest with me. Really appreciated it. More ninja days please. :)

Miguel* Hello fellow homeless who likes psycho thrillers like I do. We haven't watch Infection yet please!! Haha. Enjoy your NS life! *grin.

Dan* Lousy wooden ox. Heh. I want to play mahjong and read that book at Mel's place again. Thanks for everything so far. Its been a blast knowing you. :))

I think I pretty much covered everyone whom I know reads my blog. Sorry if I missed you out. Andrea still loves you!

Take care and good night world. I took a fucking hour to finish this entry.

Love, Lies and Betrayal

Chinablack on Wednesday night/Thursday morning.
QuekDanMarcellaSal

Queued for 2 fucking hours. I'm glad I had my fair share of Whiskey Dry's though. :))

House Of Wax with Dan today. Please don't bother watching it. Storyline boring. Effects not too bad.

Paris Hilton at her best (Read: Getting laid, blowjobs and running around in her underwear) . Chad Michael Murray and Jared Padalecki looking might fine though. *grins.

11 days of freedom left. I'm going to make full use of the remaining 11 days. Think Clubbing, Towning, Movies, Friends, Family and the list goes on.

Love
verb [T]
to have strong feelings of affection for another adult and be romantically and sexually attracted to them, or to feel great affection for a friend or person in your family.

Lies
verb [I] lying, lied, lied
to say or write something which is not true in order to deceive someone.

Betrayal
verb [T]
to not be loyal to your country or a person, often by doing something harmful such as helping their enemies.

"Don't phunk with my heart"

10 Good Reasons Why My Sister Is A Pain In My Ass
(In Random Order)

1. She likes to borrow my clothes and complains when I borrow her clothes.
2. She doesn't pick up after herself.
3. She's 17 and "boy crazy".
4. Her Simple Plan, Good Charlotte kind of music drives me nuts.
5. She always seems to have money!!
6. She hates me. Ditto.
7. Her fucking phonebill goes up to 100 odd every month without fail and now, my outgoing calls and sms-es are barred all because of her.
8. She buys the most non-sensical stuff online and then bugs me to open the letterbox everyday.
9. Hogs the computer. Doing what? Online shopping.
10. Major attitude problem.

The list can go on and on and on. Amanda if you're reading this, GOOD. Because I am fucking pissed about the handphone bills. So fucking pay your own fucking bills in future and don't fucking get me into your shit.

I still love you despite all the shit. What choice do I have right. Lol.

That Girl Was Me

I saw a girl today.

Walking the streets of Orchard.
Smduged mascara and red eyes.
Tears falling off her cheeks.
Lips quivering as she spoke.

That girl was me.

I don't wanna fall to pieces.

I Need Moolah

Usual today. Met the homeless.
MervSalJonMig

4 boys and a lady. *ahem.

Coffee Club is seriously fucked up. Major. They refused to give me my pay check cause I have yet to return them my uniform.

Like hello, its not like it's Gucci or Louis Vuitton. Why in the world would I want to keep the stinking uniform. Fucktards.

Shopping with the guys. 3 boys spent SGD520 in total. Talk about women and their shopping sprees. Tsktsk.

I think I'm in love. In love with this Mango Denim Jacket. Its a beauty and I need SGD110 right now! I want the jacket so bad. Any sponsors?

Anyhoos, I didn't get the Blondie Tee that I posted in my previous entry. My sister did a miscalculation with the currencies so its actually SGD65. I'm not going to pay 32 when I have to share it with her. Oh well. :(

I'm finally feeling the effects of being financially independent. I'm sick and tired worrying about money day in, day out. Its really taking a toll on me.

I haven't shopped in eons. I mean, I have trouble getting 3 proper meals a day. Shopping is the last thing on my mind.

I can't wait for SIP to start or at least I can't wait for my first pay for SIP.

Oooh. Joseph set up a blog for The Gang. I think I'll have to fix all the html shit right? Haha. By the way, I miss you guys!
JemTrevJosephShaunRylChyBrianJoBecksKeke

This is the last of illusions

Dragonfly Blondie Spray Tee

My Sis (Manda) and I bought this tee at the ASOS online mid-season sale.




Woohoo. I'm fucking broke so she's paying for my share first. I love the tee!

Chastity

Out with the homeless earlier. :))
I love the homeless. :)))

Met Dan earlier to supposedly collect my paycheck. Fucktards the Coffee Club people. Pay's only going to come in on the 7th. I'm already fucking zero. Literally.

Cousin came along, Rayve came along, Sal came along, Queky and Yihan came along. You get the picture.

Last minute plans for Zouk. Excitedly went down, joined the queue. Then fucktards again. Closed entry to Phuture. Cabbed home straight with Quek.

I can't seem to get a decent sleep. Waking up every 2 hours. Fuck. The headaches are coming back. Popping Ponstan days are back again.

I love the homeless boys. Thanks for the advice and all the stupid antics. I love you guys!
SalMervJonDan

Jin random entry. Since when are my entries not random anyway.

I'm a virgin. Like seriously. Believe me or not, Drea's a good girl. No, I'm not saying non-virgins aren't good girls. Random. Only Jon and Sal will know why I'm spamming this on my blog.

I ain't no hollaback girl.

30 Minutes

Announcement:
To All Homeless
Saturday, 7th May'2005
Xiao Long Bao Gathering

Mervyn.Queks.
Rach.Mel.
Sal.Jon.
Mig.Dan.
Yihan.
And whoever I've missed out.

Miss Andrea has officially booked you guys. So no excuses except for production.

I'm still up trying to finish the damned Vacation CDS - Psychology of Creativity project.

Unproductive is the word to use on me. For the past 6 hours or so, I've only managed to complete about half.

Around 40 minutes ago, I decided to go down for a walk and buy cigarettes at the same time. Happily grab 10 bucks and left.

10 minutes later, I reached 7-11 and realised I fucking forgot my I.C. But was thinking, fuck I'm of legal age, they better sell it to me.

Walked in and asked for the usual and she fucking refused to sell it to me. Bitch.

What choice did I have back to walk back again to take my I.C. Like I was telling cousin. Fucking seh my I.C. at her please.

All in all, it took me 30 fucking minutes to buy a pack of cigarettes. Bloody bitch.

I understand that I may not look 18 although I'm already 19 but KNN.

Back to the bloody project.

Please just tell me what you want from me.

Bed Of Roses

Life's not a bed of roses. Its fucking bullshit. Some may agree, some may disagree.

Its been one hell of a hectic week. Or how about, I've never been like that.

Alcohol every single day since Wednesday. I hear my liver screaming out to me already. I've gotta stop this lifestyle.

Late nights or early mornings every single day as well. Home at around 0500 every day.

Don't get me wrong, I think its fantastic cause I don't need to see my mum. For example, I'm home earlier today and she just couldn't shut her trap.

Better still, I totally forgot to do my individual reflection for the bloody VT CDS and I'm fucking tired cause I only had 3 - 4 hours of sleep the previous night.

I'm cranky, sleepy, pms-sy, pissed, angsty and what fuck have you now.

Shutting myself out from everyone is what I do best now. I don't want to talk to anyone about anything that's going on in this empty head of mine.

I don't even know what is going on myself. Honestly I don't and I don't want to know either.

I'm boycotting Coffee Club as well. I fucking should have quit half a year ago. Fucked up bitches.

Forget it. This entry is going no where. Too pissed to think proper.

I'll prove the whole world wrong.